


To Make You Whole Again

by TheAvidReader_SometimesWriter



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Altered Mental States, Dark but without the torture porn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, G!P Clarke, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied princess mechanic, Keeping my tag., Past Abuse, Past Princess mechanic, Psychological Torture, Self-Harm, Slow Build, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-06-10 02:09:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 21
Words: 40,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6933757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAvidReader_SometimesWriter/pseuds/TheAvidReader_SometimesWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after season two,(A total of 9 months after the mountain. 3 in solitude) what would've happened if the ice nation did get Wanheda before Lexa could? Lets find out shall we? Will they be able to work through Clarke's scars or is the damage truly done?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Pregnant Pause

Lexa rose angrily from her throne when Roan, Prince of the Ice Nation staggered into her throne room. He’d been given specific instructions of what would happen should he return to her without Wanheda in tow. Lexa’s anger became concern when she made note of the state he was in. The man was covered in blood and his right eye was swollen shut. He had a heavy limp and could barely stand straight.

“Heda..” He rumbled respectfully.

“What happened?” She asked softly, moving closer to him.

“I was attacked. Ambushed. They took Wanheda. I was lucky to return with my life.” He explained in a pained voice.

“Who did this?” Lexa pressed as she strode to the door calling for healers.

“Azgeda… My mother, the queen.” He winced sinking to his knees in pain. He heard Lexa growl behind him and couldn’t help but grin.

“They gave… They gave me a message for you Heda.” He panted, turning his head to see her.

“What message?” She demanded moving in front of him again.

“That the queen hopes this one is stronger than the last…” Roan recounted before his eyes rolled back and he fainted. The healers came running in a few seconds later and with the help of some of her guards, they were able to take Roan away to be tended to as Lexa sank down in to her throne again, unease settling like a stone in her stomach.

 

 

It had taken six months and a war, but with the help of the coalition and the sky people who had been taken in as the thirteenth clan, Lexa was able to rescue Clarke and kill Nia, leaving Roan as the new leader of the Ice Nation. Abby and Nyko had taken care of Clarke’s most worrying wounds and stabilized her so they could return to Polis. Lexa rode ahead of her warriors, her horse was the fastest in the land, as befitted the commander. She held Clarke close against her chest and raced ahead to Polis. She trusted no one else with the blonde sky girl’s safety. When they made it to the city, Lexa left her horse at the stables to be tended to while she hurried to bring Clarke inside the tower at the cities heart. Once in her chambers, she checked Clarke’s bandages and gingerly eased the girl out of her tarnished clothes and into something light to sleep in. Lexa tucked her under the furs and sat by the bed. They’d seen what havoc Nia had wreaked upon the outside of Clarke’s body, but Lexa knew there was more that would be seen once Clarke woke again. Nia had loved psychological warfare. Mind games. Lexa was bracing herself for what she’d find once the girl woke again.

Clarke opened her eyes and quickly looked around. She hurt all over but that was nothing new. What was new was that she was tucked into a large, quite comfortable bed. She sat up not recognizing her surroundings. Her eyes fell on Lexa who watched her closely, sitting next to the bed.

“Clarke. How do you feel?” Lexa asked softly.

“Where am I?” Clarke demanded.

“You’re in Polis, in my chambers. You’re safe here Clarke.” Lexa replied, her voice still soft.

“How did I get here?” Clarke asked, relaxing somewhat.

“We rescued you. The coalition went to war with the Ice Nation when Nia wouldn’t release you. The skai people are the thirteenth clan now. Nia is dead. Roan took her place. Your mom and Nyko took care of the worst of your injuries. They’re riding back with the army. Do you need anything Clarke?” Lexa explained, becoming slightly nervous by the end. Clarke was silent, staring down at her lap as she pulled at the furs in her hands.

“What’s wrong Clarke?” Lexa asked concerned.

“I’ve had this dream so many times. But then I wake up again and I’m back in the dungeon, waiting for Nia or one of the others to decide its play time again.” Clarke whispered.

“I promise this is real Clarke… I’m real. I’m right here.” Lexa promised, slowly moving to sit on the bed next to Clarke. She kept her movements hesitant, ready for Clarke to tell her to back off. Clarke stayed quiet as Lexa took of her hands and put it against the commanders’ chest. The steady heart beat there brought tears to Clarke’s eyes and she believed her. There hadn’t been a heart beat in her dreams.

“You betrayed me…” Clarke whimpered, tearing up, the hand on Lexa’s chest gripping gently at the leathers the other wore. Lexa bowed her head.

“I had to do what was best for my people… I had to lead with my head over my heart Clarke…” Lexa tried to explain.

“Who’s to say you won’t do it again…?” Clarke asked.

“The skai people are the thirteenth clan. Your people are my people Clarke… I promise… I’ll never leave your side again.” Lexa promised. Clarke nodded tears pouring down her cheeks as sobs began to wrack her abused form. Lexa gingerly pulled her into an embrace. Clarke melted against her and Lexa patiently let her cry herself into oblivion. When Clarke had fallen still again, Lexa tucked her back under the furs and laid next to her, gently stroking Clarke’s matted golden locks. The army’s return pulled Lexa from the bed briefly as she set about organizing the healers along with getting together a celebration for the troops for their mighty victory. As Lexa sat in her throne, watching people fuss about contently, a handmaiden rushed to her and whispered frantically in her ear. Lexa rose and quickly returned to her chambers where she found Clarke on the floor with two of Lexa’s guards between her and a dagger. Her wrists bled quickly and Lexa shouted for a healer as she eased the guards away.

“Clarke…?” Lexa asked softly, slowly inching closer to the girl. Clarke was silent, sitting still with a feral look in her eyes. Lexa was able to sit right in front of her and take her wrists, ripping the hem of her own shirt into pieces and tying them gently off around Clarke’s bleeding wrists. Clarke growled, cowering away as two healer drew closer to her, the look in her eyes growing more and more hostile.

“Bants. Beja. I will take care of Wanheda. Leave your kits and go.” Lexa told them softly, not taking her eyes off the blond. The healers nodded and hurried from the room, spooked. Lexa sighed and rooted through the kits that had been brought. She pulled out a small vial of alcohol first and unwrapped Clarke’s wrists.

“This is going to sting Clarke.” Lexa warned gently, slowly pouring the burning liquid over the deep gashes on the girl’s wrists. Clarke whimpered and weakly tried to pull away but was held fast by the commander’s firm grip. When she was done with that, Lexa set the vial aside and found what she needed next.

“This too is going to be unpleasant if not slightly painful, I’m sorry…” Lexa warned again as she threaded a needle. She stitched up the first wrist, watching Clarke closely before moving to the other. To her surprise, Clarke only winced as she finished off the stitches. Clarke was still and silent as Lexa smeared a good amount of the thick salve she’d been left, over the stitches before wrapping them up in firmer, thicker bandages and then soft strips of leather.

“Wh-where did you learn to do that..?” Clarke asked softly, her voice broken. She had come back to herself partially at some point during Lexa’s healing effort.

“I’m the commander. I know a little of all. And as a night blood, at first I was rather clumsy so Anya taught me when she got sick of stitching me up every other day. It is one of my most useful skills as I can sew too.” Lexa replied, packing up the kits and setting them aside. She nodded for the guards to leave before looking at Clarke again. The girl sat staring silently down at her lap.

“Clarke, beja, what made you do this to yourself?” Lexa wondered softly.

“I-I… I didn’t know if it was real… I woke up and you were gone Lexa… You were gone and I was afraid I was dreaming again… God if I’m dreaming I don’t ever want to wake back up… I needed to feel something… I needed to know this is real…” Clarke tried to explain, her voice catching as tears pooled in her eyes.

“I’m here Clarke. I am sorry I caused you such distress, I had matters to attend to but they are taken care of now. This is not a dream. I’m here, right here.” Lexa apologized, lifting one of Clarke’s hands to her chest again, resting it over her heart. Again, Clarke was able to relax as she felt Lexa’s heart beat strong and steady under her palm.

“Ok…” She sniffed. Lexa stood and gently pulled Clarke up with her, guiding them back to the large bed.

“Do you need anything Clarke? Are you hungry? Your mother will want my head if you aren’t well taken care of until she returns.” Lexa asked, sitting them down on the furs.

“Food… S-Something warm… If that’s ok…” Clarke mumbled, looking down at the furs. Lexa nodded and moved to the door, politely asking one of the guards to relay the request for food down to the kitchens. Lexa closed the door again as the man nodded and hurried away.

“Rest for now Clarke, our meal will be here soon. I will wake you so it doesn’t get cold.” Lexa suggested, sitting next to her on the bed again.

“Ok… I-I… Will… Will you lay with me…?” Clarke asked softly, not looking up at her.

“Clarke…” Lexa began surprised.

“Please..?” Clarke begged, panic seeping into her voice, her breathing hitching as a panic attack tore through her. Lexa recognized the signs immediately and pulled Clarke against her, keeping her breathing slow and even.

“Breathe with me Clarke. Its ok, you’re safe. I’m right here… Breathe… Beja…” Lexa soothed, keeping a gentle but firm hold on the blond who gripped at the front of her shirt as she fought her body for control again.

“That’s it… That’s good. Breathe with me Klark.” Lexa purred as Clarke’s breathing began to even out.

“I’m sorry…” Clarke whimpered as she recovered.

“No. It’s ok. I’ll lie with you, you are safe. I’m here.” Lexa shook her head and laid them down on the furs, Clarke still gently clinging to the front of her shirt. The tired girl’s gripped slackened to nothing once she has fallen unconscious again but Lexa remained still and held her loosely, not wanting to wake her up.


	2. I Trust No Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa needs help and Aden is the perfect man for the job

It wasn’t long later that Lexa heard a soft knocking at the door.

“Enter.” She called softly, not yet wanting to disturb Clarke’s rest. She knew who was at the door, she’d given very specific instructions as to who she wanted to bring anything into Clarke’s room. A boy of maybe thirteen gently pushed the door open, one arm easily balancing the trays holding the plates and bowls. He nodded a thanks to the guard that help hold the door for him as he made his way into the room. The boy set his cargo on the table near the window and stood at attention. He was garbed in Black leathers that made his blonde hair and green eyes stand out brightly.

“Heda.” He bowed his head.

“Aden. Thank you. I apologize for disrupting your lessons with this menial task but I trust very few with such a task.” Lexa thanked him. Aden was the best of her night blood noviates. She was very sure that he would next possess the commander spirit. That however, wasn’t the reason she’d sent for him. Aden would be able to help Clarke. Of that she was sure. He’d shared a similar experience when he had been small.

“Is that Wanheda?” He asked softly, looking at Clarke’s still sleeping form.

“Sha. Aden, I called for you for more than merely bringing us something to eat.” Lexa began, watching the boy. He cocked his head to the side curiously.

“Heda?” He asked.

“When you were seven summers, one of Titus’s seekers found you. On your trip to Polis to begin your training, you were taken. Do you remember?” Lexa asked. The boy gulped, his face paling somewhat. He still had nightmares from those many months.

“Sha.” He rasped, his throat tightened at the memory.

“You are safe Aden, I apologize for making you recall it. But the same fate befell Wanheda. You of all can understand her pain. I have a task for you. Titus won’t be pleased that I’m taking you from your studies, but I can trust no other with this very important task.” Lexa continued. She had to keep back a smile as she saw the boy stand taller and determination shone in his eyes as she mentioned how important the task she intended to give him was.

“Wanheda suffers… I can try to be around as much as possible to ease her pain, to make her feel safe. But when I cannot, I need you to be here for her in my stead. You understand her pain, your job will be to listen, to help her. To heal her when I am not around. You are to protect her from anything that may hurt her and from herself. I cannot trust any other with this task Aden. Will you help me?” Lexa asked.

“Sha. A leader belongs to their people. Heda helps, protects, and works only for the betterment of their people. We bear their burdens as if they were our own. Thus is our place. I’d be honored.” Aden bowed his head. Lexa smiled.

“Thank you.” Lexa nodded. She turned her attention back to Clarke.

“Clarke… Clarke… It’s time to wake. It’s time to eat something.” Lexa purred shaking the blonde softly. She continued gently trying to wake Clarke until the girl finally whined and sat up, reaching instantly for the commander, a brief look of panic flashing in her eyes.

“I’m here. I’m right here Clarke. It’s time to eat, sha?” Lexa soothed, bringing one of Clarke’s hands over her heart. Clarke nodded, relaxing and letting Lexa lead her to the table set across the room.

“Clarke, this is Aden. He is my best noviate. He will likely take my place as commander one day. I want you to trust him. He will be by your side when I cannot. Aden experienced something similar to what Nia did to you. He can help you. He will protect you when I am pulled away by my duties as Heda.” Lexa introduced.

“It will be an honor to be of use to you Wanheda.” Aden bowed his head respectfully.

“It’s just Clarke. Thank you. I’ll try not to be too much trouble…” Clarke mumbled staring down at her lap trying to make herself small. Aden recognized the behavior instantly and moved to her side.

“You are safe Clarke. I will protect you, trouble or not. You’re ok, I promise.” He soothed gently hugging her. Clarke froze, but melted at his words and returned the embrace now that she was sure this contact wouldn’t harm her. Lexa watched the two and smiled to herself, now sure that she’d made the right choice. They’d be good for each other. Aden waited for Clarke to let go before moving away to stand near the wall behind Lexa’s chair.

“Aden, have you had your evening meal yet?” Lexa asked as she began setting some of the stew into a bowl for Clarke.

“No Heda. But I can wait until it is time to eat with the other night bloods.” Aden replied.

“Eat with us then. I have a meeting with the clan leaders soon and I need you here. It will most likely run late, you will sleep here, I will have accommodations made for you. If that is alright.” Lexa shook her head.

“Sha. Thank you Heda.” He nodded and sat on Clarke’s other side across from Lexa.

“If it is only you, I, and Clarke, you may call me Lexa, Aden.” Lexa corrected with a small smile. She set the first bowl of stew in front of Clarke. The three ate in silence and Clarke watched as Lexa and Aden cleaned up. Aden ran the dishes back to the kitchen as Lexa led Clarke into the massive bathroom adjacent to the bedroom.

“Let’s get you cleaned up.” Lexa said softly. Clarke nodded and sat on a marble bench as Lexa set about getting warm water into one of the large pools of water. She helped Clarke out of her clothes and then checked her wounds before guiding her into the water and sitting her down on one of the steps. Clarke sat submerged to her neck and watched as Lexa grabbed a small bottle and set about shampooing her hair. Clarke sighed contently and leaned into Lexa’s hands as the commander detangled her hair gently and then scrubbed at her scalp until there was nothing but white foam.

“Alright Clarke go ahead and dunk.” Lexa instructed, dipping her hands in the water and rubbing them together to get the subs off. She sat crouched by the edge of the pool. Clarke nodded and did so, but came up gasping and shaking as a panic attack shook her roughly again. Lexa hurried to shed her leathers, which she did in seconds, and dove into the water, pulling Clarke tight against her and cursing herself mentally for not thinking about what triggers Clarke might’ve had beforehand.

“Breathe. I’m sorry… I’m so sorry Clarke I didn’t think. Beja. Breathe Clarke. Breathe with me, I’m here.” Lexa begged softly, stroking the sodden golden locks. Clarke clung to her, ignoring how naked they both were and fought to get her breathing to match Lexa’s.

“Good… You’re doing so well. It’s ok Clarke. Breathe. You’re safe. I am right here.” Lexa praised softly, moving them closer to the steps. When Clarke had calmed, Lexa gently guided them out of the water and covered Clarke in a towel. Clarke dried herself and stood silently, her gaze was somewhere off in the distance. Lexa replaced the slaves that had been washed off and re-covered Clarke’s injuries in gauze before helping her dress again. Lexa pulled her leathers back on and led Clarke out into the main bedroom where Aden stood waiting silently. He could tell something had happened but remained silent. He knew it would be better to wait for someone to tell him, than to ask.

“You need to rest more Clarke. Sleep for a while.” Lexa said softly, leading the blonde girl to the bed. Clarke laid down and hid under the furs. She came back out when she felt Lexa leave the bed.

“L-Lexa…” Clarke whimpered, suddenly afraid.

“Shh… It’s ok. I’m here, but I have to go soon.” Lexa soothed sitting down again. Clarke’s hand shot out and grabbed one of her own before she calmed down. Clarke closed her eyes to sleep but opened them every five minutes or so to make sure Lexa hadn’t left. She didn’t understand why but for some reason the commander made her feel safe. She needed the safety of Lexa’s presence. Finally Clarke’s eyes stay closed and her grip on Lexa’s hand loosened. Lexa waited a few more minute before slowly inching away. As much as she wanted to stay, she needed to meet with the clan leaders before the army returned the next morning.

“Aden, keep her safe… Hopefully Clarke will sleep. You are not to let anyone other than myself near her. No matter what or who they are. The guards know this too, but if someone makes it past them, I’m trusting you with her life. Protect her as if you would me. Am I clear?” Lexa asked. Aden nodded, setting his jaw.

“Sha Lexa. Heda.”

Lexa nodded and ruffled his hair. Aden glowed at the contact.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Lexa promised and slipped out the door. Aden quietly moved one of the leather chairs next to the bed and picked a book out of Lexa’s boom shelf and began to read. He’d hated reading at first, English or trig, it didn’t matter. But one day he’d seen Lexa sitting and reading a book and it’d changed his mind. She’d saved him from his captors those many years ago. He swore to be just like her. To always be useful to her. So he’d trained and practiced and trained more until he was the best, but even then he always strove higher than the others. He smiled fondly as a memory played through his mind.

‘ _He’d been just shy of eleven summers then. He’d been caught by Titus after playing a prank on the bald flame keeper. The man had been wearing a light white robe for summer was approaching. Aden had gotten a hold of three skins of paint, all different colors and waited on one of the balconies. When Titus had walked beneath him, he’d dropped the first skin of bright pink paint on him, staining his robes, when Titus had stepped to the side to look up, Aden dropped the second skin of dark blue paint on him, this time, hitting the now angry flame keeper in the face. Aden hid the third skin on his person as the guards caught him and escorted him behind Titus to Lexa._

_“Heda, this nightbleda, decided to drop paint on me. Not once but twice. This is unbefitting of a leader to be!” Titus had growled. Lexa looked at the two before speaking._

_“Titus, please go wash up, I will take care of this.” Lexa told him. Titus huffed seeming satisfied and strode away, leaving a multicolored paint trail behind him. Aden had cowered, awaiting his punishment._

_“Why did you drop paint on Titus?” Lexa asked, watching the boy before her. She recognized him from two summers ago when she’d rescued him._

_“He broke my three favorite pencils and threw them into the fire because I was drawing instead of taking notes. Jus drein jus doun. Blood must have blood Heda.” Aden growled softly._

“ _I did that once as a noviette myself, but it was ink, not paint. And I only got him once.” Lexa admitted with a guilty grin._

_“I was going to get him a third time but the guards moved quicker than I’d anticipated...” Aden admitted with a small smile._

_“Do you still have it?” Lexa asked, her eyes wide._

_“Sha Heda.” He nodded._

_“Then I think it’s time to learn an important lesson.” She stood and followed the paint trail, leading Aden up onto another balcony._

_“Do you have it?” Lexa asked again. Aden nodded, wide eyed and handed her the paint skin._

_“What color is this?” She asked._

_“Yellow. Titus once said it was his least favorite color.” Aden answered._

_“Perfect.” Lexa grinned again. They waited patiently._

_“Now then, this lesson is something you won’t learn from Titus. He’ll tell you that fun is only for your people. That you are a leader and shouldn’t show weakness. But that is wrong. Fun is for your people but also for you. As Heda, your people look to you for guidance, for protection, for leadership. But in times of celebration, if they see you having fun, then they rejoice more. They are happier because they know you too are happy, that you too are celebrating with them. It makes you strong. And it’s been a while since I had fun and we can’t have that can we?” Lexa asked, finishing her explanation._

_“Can’t have that. It’s bad for our people.” He agreed. Lexa smiled and ruffled his hair._

_“You learn quickly Aden. You’ll make a fine Heda one day.” Lexa had praised. They quieted, hearing Titus grumbling angrily below them._

_“Ready?” Lexa whispered. Aden nodded and watched as Lexa launched the paint skin at her advisor. It hit him with a loud splat and they laughed as they heard loud cursed in trig._

_“Now it’s time for one more lesson. A tactical retreat! Run Aden run!” Lexa shrieked, pushing him in front of her. The two ran until they were hidden in the library._

_“Well done Aden. Please speak to no one of this.” Lexa panted, sitting in one of the many armchairs there. Aden nodded and hurried away to join the other night bloods. Titus had been absent from lessons for a week and Lexa had taught them in his place. Aden later learned it was because the paint had stained his skin different colors.’_

Aden looked up from his book as Clarke began to squirm on the bed, making small noises of distress.

“Shh… Its ok Clarke, you’re safe. The bad things are gone now, I swear it.” Aden soothed, setting the book down. Clarke quieted slightly before letting out a scream.

“Clarke! It’s ok.” Aden repeated, moving onto the bed and rubbing her back. Clarke woke up and sobbed softly as Aden continued gently rubbing her back.

“L-L-Lex-Lexa…” Clarke whimpered, still crying.

“She’s at a meeting but she’ll be back as soon as she can. She promised. You’re ok. You’re safe. Please rest.” Aden told her. Clarke rolled slowly to face him. He recognized the haunted look in her eyes, remembering when he’d seen it in the mirror. He took one of her hands and gently put it to his chest, over his heart and held it there, taking a deep breath.

“I’m here. You’re ok. Lexa will be here soon. She is alive and well. I am alive and well. You’re in Polis.” Aden told her softly but firmly, gently rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. He knew what it felt like to not know what was real and what wasn’t.

“Polis. I’m in P-Polis…” Clarke repeated.

“Yes. You’re in the Commander’s sleeping chambers, the safest place in the world. You’re safe Clarke.” He continued, agreeing with her.

“Safest… Safe…” She mumbled already sleepy again. Aden nodded.

“Safe. All of the people that hurt you are gone. All the bad is gone, that won’t hurt you ever again.” Aden promised, letting go of her hand as Clarke closed her eyes and her breathing deepened. She whined softly and sought out his hand again, gently holding it as she slept. Aden made himself comfortable and continued reading.

When Lexa returned to her room around midnight, she found the two asleep in her bed. She saw the tear stains on Clarke’s cheeks and frowned, but smiled when she saw that Clarke had found Aden’s hand in her sleep. She gently shook the young night blood awake and tucked the book aside, promising to give it back to him in the morning. She sent him to bed with the other night bloods and curled up under her furs, fighting away the urge to hold Clarke close to her before falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys! I hope you like this chapter, things are going to pick up after this, I promise. Clarke's scars run really deep and she has a lot of triggers right now, so we're going to have to see how this plays out. I'm a sucker for hurt comfort stories which this will be a lot of. This story is going to be what I wished the plot could've been along with Clarke's healing process and her love for Lexa, we're going to see how it all plays out. Thank you to everyone who commented and even all of you lovely people that didn't. I love hearing from you guys! If anything I write triggers you, please let me know so I can finds a way to adjust the chapter to better suit it. Feel free to message me about anything, questions, ideas, suggestion, anything I love hearing from you guys it makes my day and I will reply to every comment,, its my policy to do so to let you know that I've seen your comments. Stay safe, I love all of you!  
> \- Avid


	3. Contact and Consent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa learns from Aden that contact is what'll protect Clarke from her nightmares.

Lexa was shaken roughly from her slumber by a piercing scream. She sat up and look around, becoming more concerned when she found it coming from Clarke.

“Clarke…” Lexa began, shaking the still sleeping blonde’s shoulders. The scream had died down to a weak whimpering sound as Lexa tried to rouse Clarke from her nightmare. Aden came bursting through the door to the room in his pajamas with a knife at his belt.

“H-Heda.” He panted, stiffening to a bow.

“I’m sorry to have woken you this early.” Lexa sighed, running a hand through her hair as she watched Clarke squirm under the furs.

“When my nightmares were bad enough to make me call out… Kiva would come and curl up with me before Titus could hear. The contact was something I didn’t know I needed. Maybe that’s what will soothe Wanheda. Even if she still does wake up with tears.” Aden suggested, his voice going soft.

“Thank you Aden… You can return to the others… I’ll call for you in the morning…” Lexa told him gently. She understood the risk he’d felt he’d taken by exposing something so vulnerable. Aden nodded and retreated from the room. She looked at Clarke and sighed again before doing as he’d suggested and pulling the sleeping girl close. Clarke instantly tucked herself into Lexa’s chest, her head resting in the crook of the commander’s neck. Her hands clung gently to the front of Lexa’s top.

“I’m right here Clarke…” Lexa mumbled as Clarke began to calm and still.

The Commander was woken up again, by the sound of her bedroom doors slamming against the walls as they were shoved wide open by a very angry someone. Abby Griffin stormed into the Commanders bedchambers in a rage, which only intensified when she saw Clarke tangled up under the furs against Lexa, still sound asleep.

“How dare you invade my bedroom like this, I am the Commander!” Lexa growled, rising from the bed and tucking the furs around Clarke.

“How dare I? How dare you! You knew what condition she was in and took advantage of her anyway! HOW DARE YOU _, COMMANDER_!” Abby screeched. Aden burst into the room again followed seconds later by Octavia. He planted himself between Abby and Lexa while Octavia looked between the two women confused.

“Take advantage of…? I WOULD NEVER! I am Heda, your very tone with me can be considered treason! I could have your tongue cut from your mouth!” Lexa stormed back angrily, advancing on her.

“Okay, alright, I think there’s been a misunderstanding here.” Octavia began, getting between the two. She did a better job at keeping them apart than Aden did, due to her larger stature and he thanked her softly.

“What’s going on here?” Octavia asked turning to look at Lexa first.

“Abby kom skaikru has the audacity to make a wildly false accusation that I had taken advantage of Clarke in her weakened state. I did no such thing!” Lexa snarled angrily. Aden wrapped his arms around her, pinning her arms as she tried to stalk forward again.

“Heda please…” He begged softly.

“Abby?” Octavia looked at the older Griffin.

“They were tangled up in the bed together!” Abby protested. Octavia sighed and looked back at Lexa.

“Heda wouldn’t. Wanheda was having such a fierce nightmare that she screamed and woke the entire tower… She wouldn’t quiet or be still… I told Heda that human contact might soothe her nightmare. It’s my fault…” Aden began, looking down at his feet as he stepped away from Lexa.

“A nightmare?” Octavia asked. The boy nodded.

“Clarke suffers. Nia’s physical torture may have been bad but she loved mental games more. Clarke has what you might call PTSD. Aden’s gone through something tragically similar to what Nia did to Clarke. He’s been helping me try to help her.” Lexa explained, still irritated. She stiffened protectively when Octavia went over to Aden.

“It’s ok. Thank you for helping Clarke, little buddy.” Octavia told him patting him gently on the head. Aden nodded and watched Abby. The older Griffin woman was silent.

“If you could please leave so I can get changed, Abby, you and I have a lot to discuss. Octavia, I’m appointing you as one of Clarke’s guards, we will speak more in a few minutes, Aden if you could wait with them outside for a few minute please.” Lexa ordered. Aden and Octavia nodded and Abby simply huffed and led them from the room. Clarke began whimper softly and squirm uncomfortably under the furs, breaking the silence that had formed. Lexa quickly sat down on the bed and rubbed Clarke’s back through the furs.

“You’re safe…” She soothed.

“L-Lexa..?” Clarke ask groggily as she opened her eyes.

“Sha. I’m here.” Lexa smiled, watching her. Clarke nodded and looked up at her sleepily.

“Clarke, your mother is outside the door with Octavia and Aden. Would you like to get changed so you can see them? Lexa asked softly. Clarke nodded again and stretched before sitting up. Lexa led her to the massive closet and told her to pick anything she wanted to wear. Clarke picked a dark top and some comfortable looking pants. Lexa nodded her approval before picking her own. She turned her back to allow Clarke some privacy to change while she did the same.

“Are you ready?” Lexa asked, bringing them back to the bed. Clarke sat down on the edge and bit her lip.

“C-Can they come in one by one..? Aden then Octavia… Then…” Clarke asked timidly, grabbing at the furs on either side of where she sat for comfort.

“If you don’t think you are ready, you don’t have to force yourself to see them Clarke. You need to heal.” Lexa told her gently, crouching to look her in the eye. She could see the traces of panic in blue eyes.

“Clarke, you’re safe. I’m here. I’m right here. I will be right beside you I promise, ok?” Lexa soothed, prying Clarke’s hands from the furs and holding them, moving one onto her chest over her heartbeat.

“I-I can’t… I can’t face her…” Clarke whimpered, breaking down.

“Can’t face who? You don’t need to face anyone until you feel ready.” Lexa asked, running her thumbs against the backs of Clarke’s knuckles.

“My mom… I can’t…” Clarke sobbed softly.

“Then you don’t need to. She’ll understand. It’ll only be Octavia and Aden then, ok? One at a time.” Lexa promised. Clarke nodded and pulled her hands from Lexa’s to wipe her tears away. Lexa moved to the bathroom and returned with a damp but warm rag and offered it to Clarke who took it gratefully.

“Ok.” Clarke nodded, finally collecting herself again.

“Ok.” Lexa echoed and moved across the room, slipping out the door.

“We’re going to go back in, one by one. Aden, you first, come back to the door when she’s ready for Octavia ok?” Lexa told them. Aden nodded and slipped into the room.

“Morning Wanheda.” He greeted happily.

“It’s just Clarke Aden. Please.” She corrected gently.

“I’m sorry. Good morning Clarke.” He tried again, moving closer to her.

“Morning. Thank you for last night…” She greeted in return. He simply nodded.

“Are you ready for Octavia?” He asked. Clarke nodded. Aden returned to the door and stuck his head out.

“Okay Octavia, count to five once I close the door and then come in slowly.” He instructed, waiting for the young warrior to nod before closing the door and moving back to Clarke’s side. By the time he got there, the door opened and Octavia entered the room.

“Hey Clarke.” Octavia greeted in a soft voice.

“Hey O…” Clarke smiled.

‘ _She smiled. Smiling Clarke is a good sign.’_ Octavia nodded mentally. She slowly moved closer, allowing Clarke to make the first move. Clarke pulled her close for a hug.

“I’m glad you’re ok.” Octavia sighed happily before pulling away.

“I’m glad you are too.” Clarke nodded, still smiling slightly.

“Clarke, I’m going to go get Lexa now, okay?” Aden asked.

“Ok.” Clarke agreed, thankful for the warning. She chatted with Octavia as Aden slipped back out the door.

“Your turn L-Heda.” Aden told her. Lexa nodded and he slipped back inside.

“Abby, my guards will escort you to the meeting room and I will join you shortly, as I said we have things to discuss.” Lexa told the older Griffin, nodding to the guards who moved before Abby could even protest. When they were gone, Lexa entered her bedroom and saw Clarke talking happily with Octavia and Aden sitting nearby with the book.

“Are you hungry Clarke?” Lexa asked, moving across the room.

“A bit.” Clarke admitted, staring down at her lap.

“Well I am.” Octavia answered. Lexa fought back an eye roll and a smirk at the remark.

“I’ll have breakfast sent up, I have a meeting I need to attend.” Lexa nodded. Clarke looked up at her silently.

“I won’t be gone too long, you’ll be safe.” Lexa promised, trying to ease the discomfort in Clarke’s gaze.

“O-Okay…” Clarke nodded, her voice soft and timid.

“I promise.” Lexa told her firmly. Clarke nodded again.

“Octavia, you’re one of Clarke’s guards now. If anyone come through that door that isn’t me or someone I’ve authorized, you are to defend Clarke. If Aden tells you to do something, please listen to him.” Lexa ordered.

“Sha Heda.” Octavia nodded looking determined. Lexa nodded to Aden and left the room, ordering for breakfast to be brought up by one of the other nightbloods.

“How are you feeling Clarke?” Octavia asked her gently.

“Tired… Hungry… Sore… Just another day on the ground…” Clarke replied with a small smile. Octavia nodded understanding. There was a gentle knock at the door and Aden answered it cautiously before opening it wide and allowing a girl with beautiful dark chocolate colored skin and a mass of dark curly hair to carry in a load of plate. She had them very carefully balanced on her arms. Aden helped her set them down on the table before taking her hand and leading her over to Clarke and Octavia.

“Clarke, Octavia kom skaikru, this is Kiva. She’s a nightblood like me. Clarke, she was the one who helped me get through what you’re suffering.” Aden introduced proudly. Kiva was as tall as Aden and just as lanky.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Octavia bowed her head respectfully. She knew how important the nightbloods were. Clarke bowed her head too, remaining silent.

“I’m going to be as strong as you soon, and when I am, I would like to challenge you to spar.” Kiva told Octavia, looking her dead in the eye.

“I’d be honored to kick your butt.” Octavia grinned, winning smiles from both the nightbloods.

“Clarke needs to eat something.” Aden said softly leading them all to the table. The four ate before Kiva took the dishes away and disappeared back out the door.

“You like her Aden.” Octavia tease. The boy blushed hard and denied her playful accusation vehemently. He returned to his book as Clarke returned to sitting on the bed. With her stomach sated, she felt exhausted again.

“You can rest Clarke… Aden and I will keep you safe.” Octavia promised, watching her. Clarke nodded and tucked herself back under the furs. She was asleep in minutes.

 

“What is so important that I couldn’t see my daughter first, _Commander_?” Abby sneered, pausing in her pacing as Lexa finally entered the throne room. Lexa was silent until she sat down upon her wooden throne.

“Clarke said she couldn’t face you. She needs to heal, I am asking you to respect that.” Lexa began.

“Couldn’t face me…? Why? I’m her mother!” Abby demanded.

“I don’t have the answer to that. She will speak to you when she is ready. Clarke’s wounds run deeper than you or I can see. She needs to heal.” Lexa continued. Abby sighed but said nothing else.

“Would you like breakfast Abby?” Lexa asked gently.

“Food would be pretty great right now.” Abby replied. Lexa nodded and called to the guards in trig. Moments later a small table and a chair were brought in and set down in front of Lexa’s throne. Abby sat and after another few minutes, Kiva brought more plates in and set them down, bowing respectfully to Lexa before turning to leave.

“Kiva, how are they?” Lexa asked softly, halting the girl.

“Wanheda ate her breakfast at Aden’s insistence. Aden is well. I challenged Octavia kom skaikru to a sparring match when I am strong enough to beat her.” Kiva reported, standing proudly as she said the last part. Lexa couldn’t help the small smile that fell across her face.

“Octavia kom Trikru, Kiva.” Lexa corrected. The girls eyes widened and she nodded.

“Thank you, you may return to the other nightbloods.” Lexa nodded. Kiva bowed again and ran off. After breakfast, Abby left the tower to go help Nyko and Lexa returned to her room after calling for the staff to clean up the table and dishes. She found Octavia sharpening her blade near the table and Aden seated next to the bed, immersed in the book from the day before. He was halfway through it now. Clarke was asleep, tucked under the furs again.

“Octavia, do you enjoy reading?” Lexa asked, watching Clarke.

“Sha, Heda?” Octavia replied confused.

“Aden, would you show Octavia the library?” Lexa asked. Aden perked up excitedly and nodded rushing over to the warrior.

“Woah wait, like an actual library?” Octavia asked getting excited too. Lexa nodded.

“Can I bring Raven? Please? She’d be so interested in checking it out!” Octavia begged.

“As long as she doesn’t, ‘make it go boom.’” Lexa agreed. Octavia grinned and Aden led them away. Lexa shook her head and moved to sit at the table, warily pulling out a stack of reports she’d received on her way up to her room. She set about reading through them and replying to keep herself occupied while Clarke slept. She was finishing her second to last response when she heard a soft whine from the bed. It got louder fast and Lexa hurried to the bed side.

There was no escape, they were everywhere. The faces from the mountain, melted and burnt. All crying out in pain, asking why, why she let them burn. Then there were the bodies. Dante Wallace and Cage. Mya and Finn. All staring at her with blank eyes.

“Clarke.”

Then it was her dad. She was watching him die all over again, and Wells. Sweet Wells, her best friend who had let her hate him to save her relationship with her mom. Charlotte and Atom of the original hundred, crying at her for their deaths.

“Clarke.”

Anya fell dead in front of her, the fearless ground warrior was dead because of her too. They all screamed, calling her an angle of death. She heard Nia’s cruel laugh and felt the whip crack against her back like white hot metal and cried out.

“Clarke!”

Clarke snapped awake in a panic, her breathing hitching and her throat tightening as hot tears poured down her cheeks.

“Clarke, breathe, you’re ok, you’re safe.” Green eyes filled with worry and a gentle voice was all she registered as she clung to the warm body in front of her. Strong but slender arms wrapped around her, holding her close as soft comforts and assurances of her safety were murmured against her hair.

“L-L-Lexa…” She sobbed.

“I’m here Clarke.” Lexa promised, still holding her.

“The b-bodies… I saw all of th-them… I k-k-killed all of them… And N-Nia… I was in the dungeons again…” Clarke gasped, sobbing, her breathing getting more and more erratic.

“No no no. Clarke, you’re here with me. We’re in Polis. In my chambers. You’re safe. Nia won’t hurt you again. You’re safe.” Lexa soothed.

“Beja, Clarke, I need you to breathe with me. No words, just breathe. I am here. You are ok. Just breathe for me Clarke, beja.” Lexa begged softly. She could feel Clarke nodding at her words as the poor girl fought herself to right her breathing again. It took almost ten minutes before Clarke had calmed enough to pull away from Lexa.

“Thank you…” She whispered, unable to look the commander in the eye. Lexa nodded and sat with her quietly. Clarke laid down again and looked up at Lexa.

“Please lay with me… Please…” Clarke begged weakly.

“If that is what you need.” Lexa nodded and laid on her back beside Clarke.

“May I touch you Clarke?” Lexa asked gently, watching the blond. Clarke nodded and moved closer. Lexa rolled onto her side and gently pulled Clarke into her arms. She felt Clarke tense at first before melting into the embrace and closing her eyes, her head resting in the crook of Lexa’s neck.

“Thank you…” Clarke whispered again. Lexa hummed in response and let Clarke sleep. Clarke slept peacefully and Lexa managed to reach and grab a book, reading it behind Clarke’s back, over the sleeping girl’s shoulder. They stayed that way for hours until Aden returned. He was smart enough to knock softly and wait for a response before sticking his head in the door to see. Lexa motioned for him to be quiet and he relayed the command to Octavia behind him. The two entered the room, Octavia had a book tucked under her arm. She grinned at the sight on the bed before joining Aden and Lexa in reading. The four sat in silence other than the turning of pages every so often.

Kiva brought them dinner and ate with them when Clarke woke again. After dinner was finished, Kiva and Aden took care of the dishes, returning to the other nightbloods to sleep after they were done.

“Good night Clarke, Raven really wants to see you…” Octavia told her softly.

“I-I’ll try…” Clarke nodded.

“Good night Commander.” Octavia bowed her head respectfully. Lexa nodded and the young warrior left the room. Lexa led Clarke to the baths and this time was careful of the water. When they were clean, Lexa checked Clarke’s wounds and re-dressed them before they changed into sleep wear and crawled back into bed.

“Can I touch you Clarke?” Lexa asked again softly. Clarke looked relieved before nodding and letting Lexa pull her close again. The commander’s arms felt like the safest place in the world as she closed her eyes, letting Lexa’s strong heart beat lull her back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this one's long so I hope you enjoyed it. this is going to be a slow build but I promise I have a plot for this, just bear with me. Thank you all for reading and thank you to the people who sent me comments. I can't stress how much I love to hear back from you guys. Please keep it coming and I hope you stick around for the next chapter. If you have any suggestions or idea's you'd like to share with me of things you'd like to see happen in this story, please tell me, I want to try and make this an interactive story with you guys so request it up. Ships you want to see? Things you want to see happen? Let me know and I'll see what I can do. Stay safe guys, I love all of you so much!  
> \- Avid


	4. Ready or Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke loses her grip again and runs away from the tower only to find herself in the care of a very familiar face whether she's ready to meet them or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ******TRIGGER WARNING******  
> THERE IS A SLEF HARM SCENE IN THIS CHAPTER, IF YOU THINK YOU WILL BE TRIGGERED IN ANWAY, MESSAGE ME AND I'LL SEND YOU AN OVERVEIW OF THE CHAPTER SO YOU DON'T MISS ANYTHING.

Clarke managed to sleep through the night in Lexa’s arms but when she woke, the commander was nowhere to be seen. Clarke instantly sat up and looked around the room, only confirming what she already knew. Lexa was gone. Clarke felt her breathing hitch as she heard Nia’s voice cackle in her head.

’ _No one is safe around you Clarke. You kill everyone you care about, your own mother doesn’t want you anymore, you cost her her life partner! You thought the commander would be immune? HA! Commanders are built to die!’_ The voice hissed. Clarke shook her head, stumbling out of bed. She staggered around the room like a drunk looking for something, anything to help her feel. Clarke’s eyes locked onto Lexa’s sword and she felt her stomach drop. Lexa never went anywhere without it. Not willingly, as far as Clarke knew. She stumbled over to the blade, fighting the design to get it out of the sheath.

‘ _It’s not real… Nothing real, this isn’t real… This won’t hurt... It’s not real.’_ Clarke told herself as she held the blade against her palms. She took a deep breath and began to tighten her grip, the edges of the sword digging deep into her palms until blood pooled and spilled down out of her hands

“Klarke!”

“Clarke!”

“CLARKE!” Lexa, Aden, and Octavia exclaimed in unison. Lexa came out of the bathroom fully dressed and raced towards Clarke. Aden and Octavia had been entering the room after knocking and getting no response. They’d assumed Lexa and Clarke were still sleeping. Aden wrapped his arms around Clarke from behind while Lexa shouted in rapid trig for a healer and took her sword from Clarke, handing it off to Octavia who held it a few feet away from Clarke, well out of arms reach. Aden let her go as she sank to her knees dazed at the sight of Lexa, unable to support her weight. Clarke felt her eyes water as she instantly reached for the commander, who’d crouched to her level to look at her palms.

“Lexa…” Clarke sobbed, her breath hitching. She held Lexa’s face between her bloody palms, not registering the wounds.

“ _Sha_ Clarke. I’m here. Let me see your hands.” Lexa soothed. Clarke sat still, still out of it as Aden brought Lexa the healer’s kit.

“Octavia, run and get Nyko. Hurry please, bring him here.” Lexa told the young warrior. Octavia set the sword down away from Clarke and ran off. Lexa wrapped Clarke’s palms to try and stop the bleeding while they waited.

“Clarke… What happened..?” Lexa asked softly, holding Clarke’s hands together between her own.

“I-I… You weren’t… I’m not safe… I kill everyone… People die around me… N-Nia… N-Not even the Commander is… I thought… You were gone… Nia… I thought… It wasn’t real…” Clarke tried to explain, breaking off into choked sobs as a panic attack took over her system.

“Clarke, I’m here, breathe… I’m so sorry I scared you like that, I didn’t expect you to be awake before I was done. You’re safe. Nia is gone. You’re real, this is real, and you’re in Polis. I’m here, Aden is here. Breathe… Next time just call out for one of us.” Lexa soothed, bringing two of Clarke’s fingers to her neck, pressing them softly against her pulse point.

“I’m sorry…” Clarke whimpered, trying to shrink away.

“Don’t let her do that, she’ll withdraw Lexa… Contact. Keep her here with you.” Aden warned, gently pushing Clarke closer to Lexa. Lexa nodded and pulled the distressed blond into her lap, holding her firmly against her front.

“I’m here Clarke, you’re here. Listen to me, feel me. I’m right here. You don’t need to apologize, you’re ok.” Lexa purred, allowing Clarke to feel the rumble that accompanied her voice in her chest.

“Aden…” Clarke whimpered softly, reaching towards him. He knelt to her level and gently did as Lexa had, guiding two of her fingers to the pulse on his neck before holding her hands together away from her chest. Clarke was asleep again against Lexa’s chest when Octavia returned with Nyko. None of them wanted to risk waking her again by moving her yet. Nyko gently took Clarke’s hands from Aden, undoing the wraps to tend to the deep gashes on her palms.

“Heda, wash the wounds every day and re-apply this salve and then re-wrap her hands with a fresh bandage. Tell her to see me in two weeks to check the healing unless it starts to bleed badly.” Nyko instructed, leaving Lexa a roll of gauze wrap and multiple pots of the salve he’d used. Lexa nodded and softly thanked him as he left. Lexa slowly stood, lifting Clarke with her as she brought them back to the bed. She eased under the furs, keeping her back against the head board. She kept Clarke against her chest as she read through the reports she’d had Aden bring her before Clarke woke up. Aden and Octavia both pulled out their books, content to read as well.

Clarke woke up after a while but remained silent. She slowly pulled away from Lexa, who watched her cautiously. Aden looked up from his book and nudged Octavia to show her that Clarke had woken up.

“You ok, Clarke?” Octavia asked concerned.

“I-I’m sorry…” Clarke whimpered, nearly inaudibly.

“Clarke..?” Lexa asked confused, slowly setting her papers down to reach out for the blond. Clarke’s eyes widened in fear and she ran, disappearing out the door before any of them could stop her. Clarke found her way out of the tower and ran down the busy streets of Polis, following every turn and twist to get as far away from the tower as possible. She ran until she couldn’t anymore and her knee’s hit the cobblestone street. Clarke stayed where she was, panting to catch her breath.

“Clarke?” A voice called out. Clarke paused. She recognized that voice.

“R-Raven…” She tried, looking up at the mechanic.

“The one and only, Princess.” Raven grinned and Clarke found herself unable to mask a small smile in return.

“O said you were up in the tower with the Commander. You’re a bit far from there, what happened?” Raven asked. Clarke was silent.

“It’s alright. You don’t have to tell me anything. What about what happened to your wrists? Or your palms? Did that ice bitch do that to you?! Or Lexa? Cuz I swear I’ll fight the Commander.” Raven continued. Clarke just shook her head.

“Do you want to maybe come inside? I know the road is great and all, but you’ll be more comfortable in the shop.” Raven suggested, extending a hand down to Clarke.

“Ok…” Clarke agreed, ignoring the burning of her palm as Raven helped her to her feet and led her inside the wooden building.

“Wick, Monty, Bell and I set up shop here. Lexa gave us permission so we sell lights and simple stuff. Some of the others from Arcadia have shops around here too. At nights Monty works at the bar with some of the grounders. They loved his moonshine and struck a deal with him. Jasper was thrilled as you can imagine.” Raven paused to shake her head with a smile.

“Anyway, we also work with the metal smiths for some of our projects as well, we have so much to learn from one another, Clarke! It’s amazing!” Raven sighed happily, sitting Clarke down on something that resembled a couch.

“Arcadia..?” Clarke asked confused.

“Oh. Right. You probably only knew it as camp Jaha. We call it Arcadia now, but it’s pretty much become merged with TonDC at this point. Indra and Kane get along really well, believe it or not. Lincoln helps too and Bell spends half his time there as well. We’ve grown a lot.” Raven explained. Clarke found herself smiling again.

“That’s good.” She nodded.

“Mhmm.” Raven hummed in agreement.

“Raven! Have you seen my-” A male voice called out as Bellamy wandered into the room. His hair was longer than Clarke remembered.

“Princess.” He paused surprised.

“B-Bellamy.” Clarke greeted shakily. She could feel her throat tighten and her breath catch.

“I thought you were up in the tower with Lexa.” Bellamy told her, moving closer.

“I w-was…” Clarke replied shrinking away from him. She still remembered the feel of his hand over hers as they pulled the lever at mount weather. She heard the screams from the innocent people in the dining room and suddenly the room melted away and all she saw were the burnt bodies crying out at her again. Clarke whimpered, pushing herself back against the couch.

“Ok, alright, Bell, get out. Go in the other room.” Raven ordered, moving towards Clarke. Bellamy nodded, hardening his expression as he left the room again.

“It’s ok Clarke. You’re alright. Breathe.” Raven instructed. She’s helped Jasper through his episodes and Bellamy through his nightmares, so Clarke’s panic attack was nothing new to Raven. She understood now why Octavia had told her Clarke might not be ready to see her.

“Clarke, what do you see?” Raven asked gently.

“The b-bodies… We burned all of them… I-I burned all of them…” Clarke gasped.

“No Clarke, focus, you’re here. What do you see?” Raven said firmly, repeating her question.

“D-Door… The door way…” Clarke mumbled.

“Good. That’s right Clarke, you’re here. What else do you see? I want five things.” Raven encouraged.

“The fire… Table… Chair… T-Tool bench… Raven, I burned the kids… They were innocent… The people that helped us too… Maya…” Clarke gasped. Raven firmly grabbed Clarke’s upper arm.

“No, you’re here, in Polis. Just one more thing Clarke, you’re doing so well, you’re here.” Raven urged, redirecting Clarke’s focus.

“Your brace…” Clarke managed to get out and Raven nodded in approval.

“Good Clarke. Now, tell me four things you can hear.” Raven continued.

“Uh… Horses… People calling… Footsteps… Creaking..?” Clarke listed hesitantly as she strained to hear.

“That’s great Clarke. I want you to tell me three things you can touch and feel.” Raven nodded, watching her. Clarke nodded taking a deep breath.

“The couch… The wrap on my palms… Y-You..” Clarke hesitated, reaching slowly for Raven. Raven smiled and put Clarke’s fingers to her pulse.

“I’m right here. We’re almost done. Give me two things you smell, Clarke.” Raven encouraged.

“Smoke… Something cooking…” Clarke told her. Raven grinned.

“It’s lunch time. For the last thing, tell me one thing you taste.” The mechanic finished.

“Blood… I think I bit my cheek or something while I was running…” Clarke admitted.

“How do you feel now?” Raven asked, standing up.

“Better… Thanks Rae…” Clarke said softly.

“No problem Princess.” Raven shrugged. She wondered when she’d become the responsible one. She managed to get some food in Clarke and the two talked for a while, catching up. Clarke was amazed to learn about everything that had happened during both her absence and her imprisonment. Skaikru had become the thirteenth clan and Lexa had sent some of her people to Arcadia to help Indra teach the sky people how to make things and were currently helping them prepare for their first harvest season as winter was almost over now. Clarke had been too preoccupied to notice the chill in the air while she ran. She’d met the cold of the north in her time of captivity. She was also shocked to learn that while Kane was the Chancellor, her mother had been selected as the representative of the sky people in the clan meetings.

“I thought my mother hated the grounders?” Clarke asked confused. Raven flashed her another grin.

“Oh she did. But as soon as she saw the effort Lexa was putting towards fighting with that ice bitch and rallying her forces for a siege, your mom bullied Kane into letting her find forces to send and forming the initial alliance with Lexa to help get you back.” Raven explained. Clarke sat silently. When Raven noticed that Clarke was beginning to tire, she brought her a blanket and let Clarke rest on the couch, finding work to be done in the shop. Raven warned Monty and Wick of Clarkes presence and of her apparent PTSD while she worked with them in the workshop.

As the sun began to set, there was a rapid pounding at the door and Raven opened it to let a panicked Octavia in.

“Jesus O, what’s wrong?” Raven asked, bringing her into the workshop.

“Clarke’s been gone for hours now and Lexa’s worrying herself to death… She hurt herself and then ran away and we thought she’d be back by now and-” Octavia babbled, falling silent to Ravens raised hand.

“Be quiet and follow me.” Raven ordered. Octavia nodded and Raven led her into the house and into the living room where Clarke still lay sleeping on the couch.

“Rae! How did she-!” Octavia exclaimed, her sentence cut off as Raven shoved her into the kitchen and shut the door to the living room.

“Shut up, you’ll wake her up!” Raven growled. Octavia looked at her surprised.

“Look, she was running and stopped outside of the shop. She was exhausted. So brought her in here and helped her through the panic attack Bellamy accidently caused. I gave her something to eat and we talked. Then she got tired, which is entirely understandable, so I got her a fur and she’s been asleep since.” Raven explained pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration.

“We were so worried. She just took off. Something spooked her.” Octavia sighed.

“You said she hurt herself?” Raven asked, it was her turn to get some answers about her friend.

“Yeah. She slit her wrists and then this morning she messed up her palms with Lexa’s sword. Aden says it’s because she’s been losing her grip and detaching or something.” Octavia told her.

“Disassociating?” Raven corrected. Octavia nodded.

“What happened this morning?” Raven demanded.

“I don’t know. We went into her room and Clarke had Lexa’s sword and her hands were bleeding badly. Lexa shouted for the healers and gave me the sword to keep away from Clarke. Aden said it was because she couldn’t find Lexa when she woke up and freaked out.” Octavia explained.

“Who the hell is Aden?” Raven asked confused.

“He’s one of the nightbloods but apparently he’s gone through something similar so the Commander is having him help her help Clarke. He’s pretty cool and can react to Clarke before Clarke reacts. He reads her and the Commander easily.” Octavia replied fondly.

“You said something about Clarke freaking out because of Lexa?” Raven pressed.

“Yeah. I don’t know what’s up with them, but Clarke gets nervous when the commander isn’t around. I thought she hated Lexa. Aden said something about Clarke seeing Lexa as a safe place, as her ground because she’s vulnerable right now.” Octavia tried to explain with a shrug.

“That actually makes sense. Jasper was the same way with Monty and I at first. We didn’t have the heart to tell him Monty helped you and Bell. Jas would freak out and panic if one of us wasn’t constantly around him. It wore off after a couple of months when he got a bit better but he still always tries to be around Monty. We helped him through his nightmares and episodes when he couldn’t even look at Bellamy.” Raven nodded.

“I’m gonna go tell Lexa Clarke is safe.” Octavia decided, moving towards the door to the shop.

“If she intends to come here, Commander or not, she better not be here until tomorrow. Clarke needs to rest, I can handle her for tonight.” Raven told her firmly. Octavia nodded and ran off. Raven watched her go before sighing and setting up a place to sleep in the living room near Clarke. It was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, someone told me they want to hear more about Clarke seeing Polis so that will be the next chapter, if you guys want to see or hear anything else, please let me know. I want to hear from you lovely people, comments always make my day! Stay safe,  
> \- Avid


	5. A Story in Two Parts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa shows Clarke Polis which has some unexpected consequences. Also Raven and Lexa are totally bros.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***TRIGGER WARNING***  
> THIS CHAPTER HAS RELATIVELY GRAPHIC DIPICTIONS OF TORTURE, READ AT YOUR OWN RSIK. PLEASE BE CAREFUL GUYS.

Clarke woke up from nightmares four times throughout the night and each time, Raven patiently helped her calm back down and go back to sleep, and assuring her she was safe. To Raven’s surprise, Lexa didn’t show herself until almost 11 am the next day. Clarke was barely awake when there was a knock at the door. She yawned as Raven went to answer it.

“Clarke?” Raven called into the room softly.

“Yeah?” Clarke called back sleepily.

“The Commander’s here. And Aden… Is it ok for them to come in and see you?” Raven asked gently, watching Clarke closely. Clarke felt herself nod and she ran her fingers through her hair letting out a long sigh, ignoring the slight burning of her palms and wrists.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked softly, hesitating in the door frame. She looked small and more human than usual. Clarke could tell her eyes were slightly puffier than usual.

“Lexa…” Clarke mumbled, rising to her feet. She cursed the tears she felt forming in her eyes at the sight of the Commander. She was supposed to hate her! This was the woman who betrayed her at the mountain! It was this person’s fault Clarke had to kill all those people! So why did she feel so relieved to see her? Why does Lexa make her feel so safe? Clarke didn’t understand what she felt.

“When you ran… We were worried… I-I was worried… Please… Don’t do that again…” Lexa whispered, unable to look at Clarke. Clarke watched the Commander confused. She looked so small and timid, hugging her arms to her chest like a little kid. This wasn’t the Commander, the mighty Heda of the thirteen clans, no. This was Lexa. Lexa, the girl who kissed Clarke before the battle with the mountain, the girl who threw a knife through the arm of one of her generals that tried to kill Clarke.

_“Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op!” ‘Attack her and you attack me!_ ’ Clarke couldn’t help but recall.

This was Lexa, who invited her to the capitol with her before the siege on the mountain. This wasn’t the Commander.

“Lexa…” Clarke sobbed, moving close enough to wrap her arms around the girl in front of her. Clarke could feel Lexa’s stiff form relax as she returned the embrace with a relieved sigh.

“I’m so sorry Clarke… I never meant to turn you into this…” Lexa whimpered into the crook of her neck. The two held each other until their tears were dry.

“Would you like to see Polis Clarke? It’ll change the way you see us.” Lexa asked gently as she pulled away.

“You already have. I’d love to.” Clarke replied, standing strong as their words echoed the promise they made outside the mountain doors. Lexa nodded and led her back into the shop with the others. Raven waited by her work bench with Octavia and Aden.

“Thank you for taking care of me Rae…” Clarke said softly, looking at the mechanic. Raven nodded flashing another one of her signature grins.

“Are you okay Clarke?” Aden asked, watching her closely as she gave him a nod and a small smile.

“Where to Commander?” Octavia asked, moving from Raven’s side.

“I think we should show Clarke a bit of Polis. It’ll be good for her.” Lexa decided. Octavia and Aden nodded, looking at each other excited. Octavia and Aden led the way while Clarke and Lexa followed at a slower pace behind them. People stopped them occasionally, mostly to speak to Clarke, many thanking her for taking down the mountain.

“My son was taken by the mountain… They made him a monster Wanheda… I thought I’d never see him again… But you brought him home to me… Thank you.” An old woman told Clarke gratefully. Clarke was shocked. These people saw her as a hero. Clarke watched as the old woman moved away, wrapping her arms around a young man who hugged her back with a smile. She heard many similar stories as they were stopped throughout the streets, people thanking her for saving their sons or daughters, wives’ husbands, brothers, sisters, even children running up to tearfully thank her for their parent returning home. Clarke was nearly brought to tears as a little boy and girl ran up to her and hugged her as tightly as the little ones could for giving them back their father, who came and scooped both of the children up and set them on his shoulders saying something playfully in trig as the two cackled and laughed happily.

“Victory stands on the back of sacrifice Clarke, those children will not grow up in the looming shadow of the mountain. No child will fear their parents being taken away and no parent will have to fear for their child because of the maunon again. You guaranteed their futures.” Lexa told her softly. Clarke could only nod in response. They followed Octavia and Aden to the merchants and Clarke could feel her stomach growl as the smell of many foods cooking hit her nose. The merchants all had things they insisted Lexa and Clarke had to try, both took the offerings gratefully and Clarke couldn’t find a single thing she tried that she didn’t like.

As the day continued, it was growing harder and harder for Clarke to ignore the burning pain in her wrists and palms. Her steps slowed as the scrapes she hadn’t known she’d had on her knees too began to burn against the material of her pants.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked concerned, turning to look at her.

“Can we stop? I just… I need a minute to rest…” Clarke asked dizzily.

“Of course.” Lexa nodded, calling to Octavia and Aden. Lexa led them to the harbor and the four stopped to rest near one of the piers, Clarke finding stable ground atop some wooden crates. They sat for about ten minutes to rest.

“Are you ready to walk again Clarke?” Lexa asked. Clarke nodded and rose to her feet. She let out a soft yelp of surprise as her knees buckled under her weight and everything faded to darkness. Lexa whipped around at the noise behind her and found Clarke sprawled out on the dock, trembling and unconscious. Lexa rushed to her side, instantly looking for a pulse only to pull her hand back in shock as she found Clarke burning up with a fever.

“Aden run for Nyko, bring him to the tower as fast as you can! Octavia, with me!” Lexa ordered as she scooped the limp blond up in her arms and stood. Aden disappeared and Octavia ran with her to the tower, disappearing into the massive bathroom once they got to the top to run a cold bath, per Lexa’s instruction. Lexa stripped Clarke down to her underwear and tucked a fur around her. Nyko appeared not long later. He examined Clarke and easily found the source of the problem.

“Heda, these wounds are infected. They need to be cleaned well and re-bandaged with fresh strips.” Nyko told her firmly. Lexa nodded and dismissed him, looking at the angry red wounds on Clarke’s hands and wrists. She stripped down to her undergarments and picked Clarke up off the bed, bringing them into the bathroom. She nodded to Octavia who stood by with towels and slowly stepped into the pool of icy water. Lexa let out a string of curses in trig as she moved in up to her neck, holding Clarke still as the girl woke up squirming and gasping at the sudden drop in temperature.

“F-f-fuck Lexa!” Clarke chattered, clinging closer to Lexa’s chest. Talk about a rude awakening! She shivered against Lexa as they moved back out of the water.

“You have a fever Clarke, your hands got infected.” Lexa rumbled softly. Clarke could only nod and found herself releasing a small whimper as the moved back into the water again. She felt herself slip back in and out of consciousness while Lexa dunked them a couple more times. Clarke cracked her eyes open as she felt a large but warm towel wrap around her and sighed contently, only to shout and squirm again minutes later as Lexa doused her palms and wrists with burning alcohol to clean them. She tried to sit still at the pain as she heard the Commander softly give apologies and promises that it would be over soon. Clarke was able to relax again when Lexa brought her back to the bed and tucked her under the furs.

“You can sleep now Clarke…” Lexa promised gently, pushing the girl’s hair from her face. Clarke felt herself nod as she curled up under the warm furs.

“Aden, Octavia… Watch her… I-I need to go for a bit…” Lexa instructed shakily, rushing out of the room before they could question her. She ran through the tower, stopping in the throne room and locking the door, pressing her back against it as she fought to catch her breath, tears forming in her eyes.

“Jok.” She cursed herself as she began to weep.

_‘Lexa’s heart was pounding in her chest as she led her troops from the mountain. She could feel something inside her dying as the betrayed look on Clarke, beautiful Clarke’s face. She wanted to stay, she wanted to help! They’d said they’d take the mountain together! But this was a decision she had to make for her people. Her head over her heart. Her lives of her people over the beautiful angel that was Clarke Griffin.’_

Lexa choked back a sob at the memory, this storm had been a long time coming.

“I’m so sorry Clarke…” She whimpered, thankful she wasn’t wearing her war paint as it would’ve smudged and ran horribly by now.

As soon as the healers had taken prince Roan away, Lexa had found herself immediately calling a war meeting. This was the last straw. After days of messengers running to and fro between Polis and the ice nation, Nia refused to release Clarke. Lexa was in her throne room, looking at her war table when Marcus Kane and Abby Griffin had requested, well more like demanded and audience with her. One she’d found herself almost eager to take. It was after that meeting that she’d decided to make the sky people the thirteenth clan, they had much to learn from each other. After the ceremony, they’d gone to war. Lexa herself led the combine armies of the clans to the icy north, stopping in each and every town and city to as for the people’s allegiance to her and also to Roan who she’d leave in place as the new leader of the Azgeda. Any who refused were killed and their villages burned. All those who agreed were promised safety and aid should ever they require it. It had been a long trek through the ice, Lexa recalled, the castle of the queen was deep into the icy north. Abby had sent gunmen and Raven and a boy she called Monty along with them, which Lexa had learned to be thankful for. The gunmen ended up being more than helpful during the castles siege and Raven, with Monty’s help, built a bomb that allowed them to breach the castle itself. Lexa didn’t think she’d ever forget that day.

_‘They were half a mile from the castle of ice. Lexa sat high on her horse. Her faithful war horse, Socks. She’d named him that when he was just a foal because of the white marks on his ankles. She’d only been twelve summers old then. He had yet to fail her. Lexa rode out in front of her troops, running the entire line and back again before stopping in the middle and calling out._

_“It’s been a long march, but we are finally here! At the castle of the traitorous queen!” She began, noting the silence that fell over her warriors at the sound of her voice._

_“Today we fight in the name of Wanheda! The mountain slayer! By days end, we WILL be victorious and the queen shall be no more! For some of you, by days end your fight will be over! But it will not be in vain! Now, KOM WAR!” Lexa roared pointing her sword skyward and turning Socks to lead the charge. Her warriors all roared loudly in response and the fight began. As soon as the castle had been breached, Lexa had dismounted and sent Socks running, knowing he would find safe ground away from the fighting. She and some of her warriors had led the fight into the castle, letting all who bowed before them and out of their way, live and killing any who wouldn’t. They’d found the throne room abandoned and worked their way through the castle. Lexa and her warriors found themselves in the dungeons and it was there that they’d found Nia and her warrior Ontari pulling a limp Clarke from her cell. Lexa felt rage building in her chest at the sight of the blonde. She was pale and thin, her body covered in bruises and injuries and her hair matted and tangled._

_Lexa roared, leading her warriors into the final battle. It took all seven of her warriors to dispatch Ontari once and for all, keeping her busy while Lexa drew her sword on Nia and took her head clean from her shoulders. She set her sword down and knelt, pulling the battered and bruised form of Clarke gingerly into her arms. It was then that blue eyes fluttered open and found worried green._

_“L-Lexa…?” Clarke had mumbled confused, reaching shakily for her. Lexa had caught her hand before it had fallen, gently pulling it up to rest against her cheek._

_“Sha Clarke of the sky people. I’m here. You’re safe now.” Lexa promised._

_“I-I don’t hate you…” Clarke had managed to say before her eyes rolled back and she fell unconscious again. Lexa sighed and pressed her forehead gently to Clarke’s before pulling the girl close to her chest and rising to her feet, calling for Abby and Nyko to be brought to her as soon as possible as she ran through the castle and back out to her camp.’_

Lexa had been more than relieved when Abby and Nyko had told her Clarke would be ok.

She sat against the door of the throne room crying quietly, overwhelmed by everything. A gentle knock at the door startled Lexa to her feet and she scrambled to wipe her eyes. She took a deep breath and open the door to find Raven standing in the hall.

“Commander.” Raven nodded, moving past her into the throne room. Lexa closed the doors again and walked to her throne.

“What’s wrong?” Raven asked softly, watching her.

“Nothing. Everything’s fine. Clarke is resting.” Lexa lied, hiding her surprise.

“Commander, Lexa, its ok to tell the truth, we’re friends.” Raven told her. Lexa paused, sinking down into her throne.

“It’s too much… I don’t know what to do…” Lexa mumbled, putting her face in her hands.

“What’s too much?” Raven asked, stepping closer.

“Clarke… What if I can’t help her..? What if she doesn’t get better…? I don’t know what to do…” Lexa wondered miserably. She stiffened as she felt a hand rub her shoulders soothingly.

“It’ll be ok. Clarke’s tough. She needs you more than ever, even if she doesn’t want to. You just need to be patient. That’s all you can be. Patient and gentle. She’ll heal, don’t worry. Just be there.” Raven comforted. Lexa nodded.

Aden and Octavia sat quietly with their respective books as Clarke slept quietly. Though her body was still, her mind was anything but. Clarke was in and out of true sleep, sometimes feeling as if her mind was simply blank while others finding herself nearly drowning in her memories. Thankfully for her they played in some vague sort of order and she could do nothing but let herself drift.

_‘It had been almost a month since her self-inflicted and enforced exodus. Clarke lay on her back near her pitiful attempt at a fire. Her stomach rumbled horribly and she was exhausted. It was the next day that she first encountered anyone. Mercifully a constantly cross and impatient warrior taught her to make fire and fish with a spear. Her savior had done well to hide their identity and disappeared on the seventh day. After that week, Clarke found herself well fed and always warm. It was during her second month in exile that she decided to dye her hair with berries and happened upon Nylah’s trade post. Nylah had been civil and kind to her and Clarke found herself returning there once a week almost. Definitely once every two weeks, she decided.’_

_‘Clarke snuck out of the trading post, reeking of Nylah and of sex. She was in too deep. Why couldn’t she stop thinking about Lexa? Wishing that it had been Lexa and not Nylah. She was caught horribly off guard as a rough hand clamped over her mouth and strong arms wrapped around her torso, pinning her own arms to her sides. She’d blacked out after that. When Clarke’s vision returned, she found herself bound and gagged. The rugged warrior holding the other end of her rope was watching her, rising to stand once he saw she was conscious. He dragged her to her feet and set off at a quick pace, forcing Clarke to keep up or risk being dragged and dislocating her shoulders. He didn’t say much to her whenever they stopped, and definitely didn’t take it well when she stabbed him and tried to drown him in a river. It had been four days since her capture when they ran into a group of hunters, much like the one that had her except significantly less friendly. They spoke in rapid angry sounding trig to her keeper before the fight began. Clarke ran as far and as fast as she could, only to be pinned down by a weight on her back. She was dragged back to the group of hunters and found herself in their care._

_Pro’s?: She didn’t have to walk anymore as she was tied to the back of a horse._

_Cons?: These guys were far less quiet than her prior captor, constantly jeering at her in broken English and trig. It also seemed like they were headed north, in the opposite direction of her former captors path. Everything was becoming white with snow and frost._

_Thankfully she was bound up with leathers and furs. They obviously didn’t want her to die in the cold.’_

Clarke shivered at the memory of the ice. It was cold and unforgiving like her tormenter. Clarke’s mind jumped into another memory.

‘ _She couldn’t breathe. There was a cloth over her face and icy cold water was being poured onto it. She was drowning, or at least that’s how it felt as her brain kept trying to enter its fight or flight responses. Her hands and legs were bound down to the table she was on. Somewhere in her mind, Clarke knew this in the old world had been called water boarding. How she knew that? She wasn’t even sure. The cloth was pulled off and she gasped for breath, greedily sucking in air as Nia laughed at her struggle. Then it began again and Clarke felt like she was drowning again._

_“Why not just give up and embrace death Wanheda?” The queen asked softly in her ear. Clarke wished she could glare at the bitch._

_“You’ve cost many people so much… Your poor mother. I heard you killed your father. Or at least, that you’re responsible for his death. And then she locked you away. Probably had no reason to keep seeing your face, seeing the pieces of him in you after that.” Nia cackled. Clarke clenched her fist, spitting in Nia’s face as soon as the cloth was removed and she was able to breathe for at least ten seconds. Nia recoiled and shouted something Clarke didn’t understand in rapid trig. Clarke was roughly readjusted, onto her stomach and shivered horribly as her shirt was cut in the back. She heard the whip before she felt the lashes, finding the strength to keep herself silent as the lashes fell. She lost count after 35 and blacked out from the pain.’_

Clarke woke up gasping for breath, the scars and half healed wounds up and down her spine burned in response to the memory. Aden was at her side in an instant, trying to ground her.

“Clarke, you’re still burning up… You need to breathe.” She felt hands on her skin, moving from her neck to her forehead to her cheeks before disappearing completely. Everything around her was still so hazy.

“Octavia, run for Lexa, I don’t care what she’s doing, find her and bring her back here now! Clarke’s not responding! She’s too far gone for me to help right now she’s shutting me out! We NEED Lexa!” Clarke heard from a distance.

‘ _Lexa?’_ She repeated mentally. She like Lexa, Lexa was safe.

‘ _But I’m supposed to hate Lexa for betraying me…_ ’ Another part of her mind pointed out. She shook her head. She didn’t hate Lexa. She hated the decision the girl made because of what it made Clarke do, but she didn’t hate Lexa. Suddenly she was wrapped up in a warm hold, her senses filled completely with Lexa. That beautiful gentle voice was saying things to her and Clarke struggled against the fog in her mind to listen.

“Clarke. You’re ok. I’m here. You’re safe, come back. Beja, come back to me Clarke, I’m here.” She heard Lexa’s voice plead softly. She felt her arms move and hands grip at the back of Lexa’s shirt, pulling the girl closer, her ear pressed against the Commanders’ chest. The steady heart beat is what finally lured Clarke’s mind back to the present.

“L-Lexa…?” Clarke mumbled, suddenly very aware of her position and just as confused.

“Shh. It’s ok... You’re back, its ok.” Lexa sighed relieved, pressing a kiss to the top of Clarke’s head, not letting her go.

“I can’t tell if she’s getting better or worse…” Octavia sighed after a while. Clarke was resting peacefully against Lexa who refused to move. Clarke needed to heal, she was the key to that. She wasn’t going to fuck it up.

‘ _I can’t lose Clarke too… I… I love her…’_ Lexa decided, looking down at the blonde against her chest.

‘ _I need her.’_ Two minds thought in unison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I got a couple of requests for both bed ridden Clarke and more of Clarke experiencing Polis, so I happily obliged. I also got requests for more first person from Clarke and some flash backs so I hope I delivered it to your satisfaction. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and I'm so excited for the next set of requests, tell me what you guys want to see or see more of! Tell me what you want and I'll do my best to write it, I love you guys, thank you for my commenters, please keep it up. Stay tuned my lovelies!  
> \- Avid


	6. Dream Walk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seems almost like two steps forward, on step back but who knows.

When night began to fall, Lexa woke Clarke to eat dinner with Octavia and Aden, again sending for Kiva to bring them food and join them in their meal. Aden and Kiva cleared the dishes and disappeared for the night and Lexa dismissed Octavia to the room she’d assigned her down the hall. Clarke was quiet while Lexa persuaded her to change into pajamas, keeping her grounded by constantly giving her attention in light touches. A soft hand on her forearm to guide her to the closet, gentle brushes as Lexa moved around the space to give Clarke options in pajamas. Clarke mumbled a thanks as she changed and waited for Lexa to do the same. She let Lexa lead her to bed and smiled when Lexa asked permission to hold her. To everyone’s relief, Clarke only woke up once in the night, only to be hushed back to sleep by Lexa humming a soft lullaby Anya had taught her in her early days as Commander.

Clarke woke before Lexa the next morning and gently untangled herself from the sleeping commander. She padded across the room to the balcony and stood quietly, watching as Polis began to wake up. The sun was almost finished rising as she watched the city. People looked like ants as they moved through the streets below her and sometimes she caught snippets of tridgedasleng as people called out greetings to one another.

“Are you enjoying the view?” Lexa asked softly coming to stand beside her, her voice still husky from sleep. Clarke was caught off guard by what that husk did to her. She fought back a groan as she felt pleasure shoot down her spine causing a twitch from the traitorous appendage between her legs.

“It’s beautiful.” Clarke agreed, forcing her voice to remain steady and internally cursing herself.

“Indeed. You’re up much earlier than the last two days… Is everything ok Clarke?” Lexa asked, concern slipping into her voice. Clarke could feel green eyes watching her closely.

“I’m ok… I just couldn’t go back to sleep… I wish I’d had my sketch book… The sunrise was breath taking.” Clarke sighed. She missed drawing.

“You draw?” Lexa asked surprised. Clarke nodded, smiling softly.

“And paint sometimes too but I’m better at drawing. I did it a lot back on the Ark… It kept me sane while I was in lock up.” Clarke admitted.

“You were imprisoned?” Lexa repeated confused.

“Octavia was too. And Finn and Monty, Jasper, Harper, Monroe, Miller, Murphy. Everyone on the drop ship was. It’s why we were sent down to earth.” Clarke nodded, her face darkening into a frown.

“You don’t need to talk about it until you are ready.” Lexa told her softly. Clarke nodded, becoming quiet again as Lexa made a mental note to ask Octavia more about what Clarke had said.

“Are you hungry Clarke? I can have Aden bring breakfast up with him.” Lexa suggested, leading Clarke back inside. Clarke only nodded again and moved away from Lexa to settle down on the bed with a yawn.

“You can rest more Clarke, it is still early.” Lexa smiled at the sight.

“Just… A short nap…” Clarke mumbled, balling herself up in the furs. Lexa sat beside her and rubbed her back gently, waiting until she knew Clarke was slumbering again. Once she was sure, she moved towards the door, sending for Raven, Octavia, and Aden. The three appeared within minutes, waiting quietly for Lexa to speak.

“Aden, please stay with Clarke and send for breakfast when she wakes. Hopefully I’ll have returned by then.” Lexa began, looking at Aden. The boy nodded and pulled his chair up next to the bed and grabbing a new book from Lexa’s shelf after having finished the last one.

“Octavia, Raven. Please come with me to my throne room. There are things I would like to know.” Lexa continued, her gaze moving onto the young warrior and the mechanic who both nodded as well. They followed Lexa quietly as she navigated the tower, letting the two enter before her so she could seal the door behind her. She moved to sit on her throne before speaking.

“There is something Clarke mentioned earlier that does not sit well with me.” Lexa began, watching Octavia. Both of the girls before her looked curious, though slightly afraid.

“You were imprisoned on the Ark?” Lexa asked Octavia.

“Sha Heda.” Octavia replied bowing her head.

“Why?” Lexa continued.

“Things were bad up there. Families were allowed one child. I was imprisoned for being born. I grew up under the floor boards of our room. Bellamy always tried to protect me but he couldn’t. I would’ve been floated when I turned 18.” Octavia explained with a growl at the end.

“Floated?” Lexa asked confused.

“Executed Heda. Blasted out into space.” Octavia translated into something she knew Lexa could understand. Neither girl missed how wide Lexa’s eyes got as she understood.

“And Clarke? She was imprisoned as well sha?” Lexa cocked her head to the side curiously.

“Sha. But she was kept in solitary. In a cell all alone. She was to be floated too.” Octavia nodded.

“Why?” Lexa demanded.

“Her father knew the Ark was running out of air and was going to tell everyone. Clarke watched as they floated him and then they locked her away because she knew the truth too. Abby turned Jake in and was on the council that put her away. She was going to let them float Clarke. Every crime was a capital offense. Adults got floated, kids got locked away and usually floated when they hit 18 depending on their crime. My mom got floated for having me and hiding me…” Octavia explained with a sigh. Lexa’s eyes were wide as she took in this new information.

“Why were you all sent down in the drop ship then?” Lexa wondered softly.

“Because they were deemed expendable. I’d bet that the council didn’t think they’d survive honestly. They sent them down here to die. Abby sedated Clarke to put her on the ship. I was there at the launch…” Raven explained. Lexa couldn’t hold back the growl that escaped her throat.

“H-Heda..?” Octavia asked cautiously.

“Children are sacred! They are our future and they sent all of you down to die! They’d have killed you to further their own means! Despicable!” Lexa roared angrily. Raven and Octavia watched in shock, unsure of what to say. Lexa seemed to calm after a few minutes and apologized for her outburst, leading them first to the kitchens to retrieve somethings for breakfast before leading them back to her chambers. Raven and Octavia gave the Heda space while they returned to her chambers. Even Aden was able to pick up that she was positively seething about something. He remained quiet, sending inquisitive glances towards Octavia and Raven, not wanting to incur Lexa’s wrath by asking her.

Clarke woke and sat up groggily to find Lexa pacing angrily and Octavia, Raven, and Aden sitting silently at the table behind her.

“L-Lexa..?” Clarke asked timidly, shrinking back with a small whimper of fear when Lexa’s glare was turned on her at the call of the commander’s name.

“I-I’m sorry!” Clarke squeaked in terror, hiding herself under the furs, trying to be as small as possible.

“Lexa! You’re terrorizing Clarke! I don’t know what angered you so but you need to calm or you’ll harm her.” Aden loudly but firmly, pulling Lexa out of her emotions enough to see that he was right. Her posture and gaze instantly softened and she moved slowly towards the trembling mass on the bed.

“Klark… Forgive me. My anger was not at you.” Lexa began, sitting on the bed. Her heart ached at the soft sound of sobbing she heard in reply.

“Clarke… I’m sorry… You’re safe… I’m sorry…” Lexa apologized, slowly easing Clarke out of her cocoon of furs. She pulled the distressed blonde against her chest, keeping Clarke’s head tucked easily under her chin as she showered her with apologies and promises of safety until the crying stopped and Clarke seemed to come back to herself.

“I’m sorry Clarke…” Lexa mumbled again.

“It’s ok… I just… I fuck everything up so I just… It was easy to assume I upset you… I thought you’d leave too… Which is ok… Everyone leaves anyway so…” Clarke murmured in reply. Lexa held her tighter.

“I’ll never leave you Clarke… No matter what… Nowe… Never again.” Lexa soothed, kissing the top of her head. Clarke nodded and sat quietly in Lexa’s lap, still feeling out of it. Lexa watched curiously as Raven and Aden came to sit at the foot of the bed, Raven whispering something to Aden who nodded before Raven scooted up closer to Clarke.

“Clarke… Clarke... Princess… Look at me.” Raven purred softly, gently pulling Clarke’s hands into her own and holding them. Raven waited for blue eyes to meet hers as she rubbed gentle circles into the backs of Clarke’s hands with her thumbs. The gaze that met hers was misted and lost, but still present enough to understand her. Raven and Aden had guessed as much.

“Clarke… Tell us what’s going on. Tell me what’s going on up there.” Raven continued, letting go of one of Clarke’s hands to gently tap the blonde’s temple before taking her hand again.

“I-I can’t…” Clarke whimpered softly. Raven nodded, she was nothing if not patient.

“Ok. That’s ok Clarke. What do you see? Where are you Princess? Where are we?” Raven asked, lightly squeezing Clarke’s hands. Lexa watched, pressing a kiss to the top of Clarke’s head.

“Mount weather…” Clarke whispered.

“Good. Ok. We’re at the mountain, you’re right. What’s going on here? Who else is with us Clarke?” Raven guided, adjusting instantly.

“L-Lexa… The Commander… Octavia… Indra… You and Wick… You’re going to blow the dam soon… Lincoln.. Sargent Miller…” Clarke told her softly.

“That’s right, Wick and I are going for the dam to get the door open right? What about everyone else Clarke?” Raven wondered, waving Octavia over to them.

“Indra and Octavia are going for the tunnels… Octavia’s mad at me… I’m trying… I’m really trying to keep everything together… I just want everyone back…” Clarke whimpered, tearing up.

“It’s ok, she’s just worried for Bell, even if she’s being an ass, she’s your friend right? She one of us right? One of our hundred.” Raven asked, squeezing Clarke’s hands again. Clarke nodded against Lexa’s chest.

“O’s one of ours…” Clarke agreed softly.

“That’s right. Wick and I blew the dam Clarke, what’s happening now?” Raven urged, bringing them back into focus.

“The mountain men… They’re on the ridge… Lexa and some of the warriors went to fight them… We’re too far from the door Rae… They’re jamming us… Sargent Miller’s going to get closer… We did it Rae! We blew the door! Wait... Wait…” Clarke paused her brows furrowing in confusion at something Raven couldn’t see.

“What is it Clarke? What’s wrong?” Raven asked softly.

“People are coming out… Grounders… Lexa..? What’s going on…? What did you do?!” Clarke demands angrily. Raven looked up at Lexa, eyes pleading for her to continue the scene.

“I’m sorry Clarke… I made this decision with my head, not my heart.” Lexa rumbled, hating each word as it come off her tongue a second time.

“We said we’d do this together…” Clarke whimpered, squirming in Lexa’s embrace.

“Clarke what’s going on now?” Raven redirected.

“She betrayed us. She sold us out.” Clarke whispered. Clarke froze, her eyes rapidly flicking around the room, still just as lost as when they’d begun.

“No…” Clarke gasped, distressed.

“What’s going on now?” Raven repeated firmly.

“I-I shot Dante Wallace… Cage… He won’t stop… Raven... He… No… My mom… Cage you can still stop this!” Clarke begged.

“He drilling into you and then Abby for marrow… Clarke, Bell, and Monty were watching from the control room…” Octavia explained in a whisper.

“Clarke, what’s up now?” Octavia asked, taking the lead.

“We need to irradiate level five…” Clarke whimpered.

“He’s hurting our people Clarke…” Octavia reminded.

“Do it Monty…. Oh god… W-we did it… They’re burning… Everyone… The people who helped us… The kids… They’re all burning…” Clarke gasped, squirming again.

“It was us or them.” Octavia soothed. Clarke’s eyes closed and she shook with sobs.

“Em pleni.” Lexa said firmly, pulling Clarke closer against her and out of Raven’s grasp.

“L-Lexa…” Clarke sobbed, scrambling until her hands found purchase on Lexa’s clothes, hand’s balling into fists holding the front of her shirt.

“I’m here ai niron.” Lexa promised.

“Lexa… I killed them all… They helped us and I killed them… I burnt them alive… The children Lexa… There were children…” Clarke choked out.

“I know Clarke… I’m so sorry… I never should’ve left you like that… We said together…” Lexa murmured sadly.

“I don’t hate you… I understand why you did it… I would’ve too. We’re leaders Lexa…” Clarke mumbled.

“Come back Clarke… The dead are gone, the living are hungry.” Lexa pleaded gently. Clarke looked up at her teary eyed and somewhat dazed as the light began to return to her eyes.

“Lexa…” She whispered softly.

“Hey…” Lexa smiled.

“What happened…?” Clarke wondered, looking at Raven, Octavia, and Aden.

“We talked you through a terror. Raven suggested it.” Aden explained.

“It always seemed to help Jasper when he had episodes similar to yours. I thought it could maybe help you too.” Raven shrugged as Clarke’s eyes fell on her.

“Thanks Rae… Everyone... I’m sorry…” Clarke murmured. Octavia shook her head.

“I’m not mad. No one is. I understand it now. I’m no leader, Clarke. I’m a warrior. I trust you. I’m one of your warriors Clarke.” Octavia promised. Clarke nodded.

“Aden, Kiva asked me if you could join her and the others for morning meal and I promised her I would allow it. It is also library day and I know you’ve been reading more, go join the others for the day. You’ve helped us so much. Return to me tomorrow.” Lexa began, addressing the young nightblood first.

“Sha Heda. Thank you.” He nodded smiling. Aden zipped out the door happily.

“Octavia, can you please escort Raven back to her shop. According to my sources, both Bellamy and Lincoln are in Polis today. I thought you might enjoy time to see them.” Lexa continued, her focus moving to Raven and Octavia. Both girls nodded and left as well.

“Lex..?” Clarke rasped confused.

“Yes?” Lexa asked in return.

“You sent them away…” Clarke mumbled.

“I did. That was intense. We need to rest. You need to rest... I thought you’d be more comfortable if less people were around... I apologize if I was mistaken…” Lexa began, getting nervous.

“It’s ok… Please don’t you leave too… Not you too…” Clarke begged in a whimper.

“Nowe.” Lexa promised, kissing the top of Clarke’s head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope everyone's ok. As always thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter, sorry about the delay. Once again, I do want to include you wonderful people in my writing process in this story, it makes my job more interesting so if there's anything you want to read be it ships or idea's or cute nonsense between people feel free to comment, I'd love to find a way to shape it into a chapter or two. I hope everyone's safe and ok... Thanks again for reading.  
> \- Avid.


	7. Baby Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to look up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****TRIGGER WARNING***  
> ONE OF CLARKE'S TERRORS INVOLVES A BIT OF TORTURE, SPECIFICALLY BEING BEAT WITH A LENGTH OF CHAIN. IT ALSO QUESTIUONS HER REALITY. IF THIS WILL FUCK WITH YOU, PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER AND LEAVE A COMMENT OR MESSAGE ME AND I'LL GIVE YOU A LESSER EXPLINATION SO YOU DON'T MISS THE PLOT POINTS. THANK YOU. PROCEED.

Lexa wasn’t surprised that Clarke managed to sleep uninterrupted for the remainder of the day. Raven’s idea seemed to be holding Clarkes’ demons at bay for the time being. When night fell, Lexa curled up under the furs, holding Clarke gently against her chest and smiling at the sleepy purr she got in response to the contact.

_Clarke woke up to an empty bed. As she sat up to look around she noted the cloudy sky and hoped it was going to rain. While she scanned the room she froze at the sight of Nia sitting lazily in one of Lexa’s chairs near the balcony_

_“L-Lexa…!” Clarke called shakily, rising from the furs. Nia smirked._

_“The Commander can’t hear you, skai girl. She’s all the way in Polis, her beloved capital.” Nia sneered._

_“N-No… I’m in Polis… The commanders chambers… Y-you’re dead… Sh-She killed you… They saved me…” Clarke began. Nia laughed._

_“Really? Is that what you think? You’re farther gone than I thought. Why then, can’t you remember leaving your cell? You never left. You’re here in the prison of the Azgeda. In my castle. You’re mine skai girl. The commander will never want you.” Nia cackled. Clarke hesitated. She couldn’t remember being brought out of the palace. She only remembers waking up in Polis._

_“I do believe it’s Ontari’s turn to play with you now, skai girl.” Nia yawned sounding bored. Clarke reached for the dagger on her thigh. As Ontari startled her from behind, Clarke managed to thrust her dagger at the girl, slicing her cheek. Ontari hissed in pain, putting her fingers over the wound. She rubbed the black blood between them and snarled, looking to Nia who nodded and called for the guards. While Clarke was distracted, Ontari knocked the blade from her hands and pinned her on her stomach._

_“To the post.” Nia ordered and Clarke felt two warriors lift her from the floor and drag her to the wooden cross held perpendicular to the floor. The tightened the leather cuffs around her wrists to the horizontal beam and then secured her ankles with the cuffs to the long end of the vertical one. Clarke squirmed and begged for them to stop as the cut her shirt and forced a bit of leather into her mouth as a gag. Clarke heard the whip before she felt it but this one was different. This time it was a long link of chain. The metal burned against her back as it cut into her flesh. She lost count of the lashes as she began to black out. Before she could, Nia called for it to stop and Clarke was unbound. She slumped against the wood and fell off to the side, landing in a bloody heap._

_“I will break you skai girl. Just you wait. No one is going to save you, you’re mine.” Nia snarled, crouching down to her level before stalking away. Clarke was thrown roughly back into her cell and the door was slammed behind her._

“…arke! Clarke! CLARKE!” Clarke heard from a distance. She felt a firm hold on her forearms.

“Clarke! Beja, come back! Clarke!” She heard Lexa call worriedly.

“L-Lex…” Clarke whispered as the commanders’ quarters suddenly came back around her. Lexa sat on her knees in front of her, warm hands firmly gripping her forearms.

“Thank the flame she’s starting to come back… Clarke, look at me.” Lexa sighed relieved. Clarke pulled away from Lexa and scooted back, panic and tears filling blue eyes.

“No no no no…” Clarke whimpered.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked gently, gesturing for Aden, Octavia, and Raven to stay back.

“No no no… This isn’t real… I was just there... This isn’t real… I’m still in the cage… I don’t remember being rescued from the cell… This isn’t real…” Clarke gasped, sobbing. Lexa’s eyes widened and she moved closer to the distressed blonde.

“Clarke… This is real. You are in Polis with me, Nia is dead. I took her head from her shoulders myself. I promise. Whatever you saw and felt, was in your head, you are safe. Come here… Listen to me…” Lexa soothed, relieved when Clarke allowed herself to be pulled onto the commanders’ lap.

“Raven and Monty blew a hole in the castle walls so my men and I could go through. We searched the castle, the throne room first but it was empty. We moved on, searching lower and lower until we got to the dungeons. Nia and Ontari were dragging you from your cell you were barely awake. My men took Ontari and I took Nia’s head. Then I hurried to you and pulled you into my arms like this, ai niron. You opened your eyes enough to look at me and you called my name softly, reaching for me to make sure I was real... I promised you were safe and do you know what you said?” Lexa recounted, pausing. Clarke shook her head, starting to recall blurry memories that seemed to fit what Lexa was telling her. The commander smiled.

“You told me you didn’t hate me. Of all the things you could’ve said and you told me you didn’t hate me Clarke… And then you passed out and I hurried to bring you to your mother and Nyko.” Lexa continued. Clarke paused, scrambling to remember but still drawing nothing but hazy blurs.

“Wh-What happened..?” Clarke asked softly and Lexa understood her question.

“You woke up but you weren’t all the way here. You called out for me this time and I came running with Octavia at my side. You spoke to an empty chair, not reacting when I stood in front of you. You got a good strike at Octavia. Grazed her cheek with your blade. She brought you to the floor and you squirmed and cried out at things only you could see… We couldn’t help you… Only wait for you to come back.” Lexa explained gently.

“N-Nia… She was in that chair… And Ontari… I thought O was Ontari… I cut her… And then the guards… The post… It was a chain lash… I can still feel it…” Clarke whispered, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Shh. All is well. I am here, you are safe Clarke.” Lexa soothed, bringing Clarke’s palm against her chest again, trying to ground the blonde with her steady heartbeat.

“Come Clarke. It’s time for breakfast. Food will help.” Lexa promised, rising to her feet and bringing Clarke up with her. She led them to the table and sat Clarke down before getting the others to join them. Clarke looked at Octavia and bit her lip, staring down at her lap.

“I-I’m sorry O…” Clarke mumbled, tears threatening to fall again.

“No. This wasn’t you. This is from that bitch Nia.” Octavia told her firmly. Clarke nodded silently. With encouragement from everyone, Clarke managed to eat some of what was on her plate before Aden accompanied Kiva with the dishes down to the kitchen. The rest of the day went on without incident and as the week progressed, Clarke slowly began to heal. When Lexa was in meetings with her ambassadors, Clarke was well enough to be led around Polis by Raven and Octavia with Aden staying by her side. Clarke found herself smiling more as they went on adventures in the city. One week spanned in to two and her nightmares were becoming less and less powerful. Raven helped her through terrors twice a week usually which also helped Clarke start to sleep better. Lexa was glad that they were making progress. She’d missed the beautiful blonde’s smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I know this was short, but I had to get something out, its over due. I'm working on another chapter that I hope to have out later today or tomorrow. Hopefully this will have a more regular posting schedule but we'll see. Thank you to everyone who's been reading and leaving me comments, you guys are so great!  
> -Avid


	8. To The Arc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decisions are made.

‘ _You should bring her back to Arcadia, with her people. Where she belongs.’_ Abby’s words echoed around in Lexa’s head as she left yet another meeting. The elder Griffin had cornered her as the other ambassadors has left the room for the day. Her words left Lexa unsettled.

‘ _Does Clarke want to go back? Have I been holding her here against her will…?’_ Lexa wondered to herself as she walked. She finally found herself outside her chambers. She sighed and pushed the doors open. Clarke, Raven, Octavia, and Aden sat around the table playing some game with a worn deck of playing cards Raven had recovered. Lexa couldn’t help but smile at the faces of determination around the table. Aden’s brows were furrowed in concentration as he stared at the fan of cards in his hands. The tip of Clarke’s tongue poked out the corner of her mouth as she did the same. Raven bit her lip, glancing around the table while Octavia sat cockily in her seat.

“Haha!” Raven cheered, jumping out of her seat as she threw her hand down on the center of the table.

“A full house?! How?!” Octavia exclaimed throwing her own hand down in frustration. Raven just grinned at her. Clarke and Aden shook their heads as Clarke gathered up the cards to shuffle again.

“Commander.” Raven nodded in greeting.

“Raven.” Lexa replied. Raven raised an eyebrow at the look on Lexa’s face and looked at Octavia and then the door before looking back at the commander. Lexa gave her a subtle nod and Raven rose from her seat. She limped over to Octavia, putting a hand on her shoulder as she whispered something in the young warrior’s ear. Octavia glanced at Lexa and nodded, standing and taking Aden with her.

“Aden, Raven thinks she left her talkie in the library earlier but we still get kinda lost… Can you lead us there and then back here again?” Octavia asked.

“Sure. You should really know your way around here by now.” He teased, looking Lexa who nodded. Lexa waited for the three to leave before speaking.

“Clarke…” She began. Clarke turned to face her and Lexa folded her hands behind her back to keep them from fidgeting.

“Do you… Enjoy being here in Polis?” Lexa asked slowly.

“I love it here… Everyone’s so kind… And you and Aden are here.” Clarke answered. Lexa nodded, collecting herself.

“So I’m not keeping you here against your will? You don’t want to return to Arcadia, to your people?” Lexa continued, becoming timid. Clarke looked at her surprised.

“Against my… No! No! I want to be here. I like Polis. And you being here is just a bonus. Why..? Do… Do you want me to go back to Arcadia..? Back to ‘them’…?” Clarke asked, trying to keep her voice level.

‘ _She doesn’t want you. You’re a burden to everyone you meet.’_ Nia’s voice cackled in her head. Lexa was both relieved and concerned at the fear in Clarke’s eyes as she answered.

“No! No… I want you here… With me… You will always have a place here. I just…” Lexa quickly pulled Clarke into her arms.

“Then why would you ask?” Clarke asked in a small voice.

“A-Abby… She trapped me at the end of the meeting… Said that you should be with you people… That you belong with them…” Lexa mumbled, her hold tightening slightly. Relief coursed through Clarke and she instantly understood the commander’s behavior.

“You are my people… And Octavia and Raven and Aden… And my hundred… Or what’s left of them… But the Arc… Arcadia… It isn’t my home anymore… I know I need to go back… But I won’t stay there. Not when I belong with you. You are my home Lexa.” Clarke explained. Lexa let out a choked sob and buried her face in blonde curls.

“I’m here. I belong with you.” Clarke soothed, wrapping her arms around Lexa. She let the commander cry, knowing that sometimes it’s the only way to feel better. Raven and the other two who had been listening from outside the door all slowly re-entered the room and moved to hold both Clarke and Lexa in a group hug. When Lexa recovered enough to look up she was startled by the three other presences. The commander wasn’t supposed to show weakness.

“Heda, Lexa. We are leaders. We bear the burdens so our people don’t have to… But I think now that Titus is wrong. We don’t have to shoulder the weight alone. You have Clarke and Raven and Octavia… And me. We’ll catch you if you fall too. Just like we do for Clarke.” Aden told her softly, as if reading her mind.

“Muchof Aden.” Lexa gave him a watery smile.

“Pro.” He shrugged.

“When you do want to return to Arcadia, O and I will be right beside you Princess.” Raven promised, gently squeezing Clarke’s shoulder before wishing everyone goodnight and disappearing from the room. Octavia did the same and followed Raven out.

“You should return to your bed as well Aden. Fetch Raven and Octavia before you come here tomorrow.” Lexa told him. The boy nodded and bowed to them before zipping out of the room.

“To bed?” Clarke yawned.

“Sha.” Lexa nodded. They stripped out of their clothes, save for their underwear and got into bed under the furs. Sleeping skin to skin was a step they’d taken in Clarke’s healing. The contact was something Clarke had suggested to help fight off her nightmares and so far it worked for the most part.

“Lexa?” Clarke asked in a whisper.

“Mmm?” Lexa purred against her back.

“If I go back to Arcadia to visit… Will you come with me..?” Clarke continued hesitantly.

“Of course. Aden wouldn’t be able to accompany us but I won’t leave you unprotected against your demons. I will always be by your side ai niron.” Lexa promised. Clarke nodded and closed her eyes. She felt so safe and warm as she drifted off to sleep.

Lexa woke to an empty bed and was rather unsurprised to find Clarke out on the balcony with one of the sketch books Lexa had found for her. The commander had also gotten her an arsenal of art supplies including oil paints, watercolors, charcoal, colored pencils and probably everything Lexa could find. Clarke had cried when Lexa showed her the crates. Lexa watched from the door as Clarke sketched the sunrise with her colors. Lexa secretly loved watching Clarke draw, the blonde was after all, quite good at it.

“Lexa.” Clarke greeted, turning to face the commander.               Lexa’s focus snapped back to the balcony in front of her and she smiled as blue eyes met her own.

“What were you thinking about?” Clarke purred, wrapping herself up in Lexa’s arms.

“You.” Lexa rumbled.

“I… I’ve been thinking all morning… I-I want to go and visit Arcadia… Just to see how everyone’s doing… I owe them that at least.” Clarke admitted.

“You owe them nothing Clarke. But if that is what you feel you need, I won’t stop you. I’ll let them know we are coming and we’ll set out in a few days.” Lexa replied with a nod.

“Muchof.” Clarke smiled.

“Pro.” Lexa purred into her hair. They heard a knock at the door and Clarke called out for whoever it was to enter.

“Morning bitches! And Commander.” Octavia called out cheerfully.

“Octavia.” Lexa nodded. Clarke hurried to hug Octavia and Raven.

“Clarke has decided she wants to return for a brief visit to Arcadia.” Lexa announced.

“When do we leave?” Raven asked.

“I’m sending a rider to inform them of our arrival today and then we shall set out in a few days. There are things I need to take care of here first.” Lexa replied.

“I’ll be staying here?” Aden asked.

“Sha. I’m sorry.” Lexa nodded. Aden shook his head.

“No. I understand. I will look after Polis while you are gone. The other nightbloods and I will make sure everyone behaves.” Aden promised, standing up straight with a determined look.

“Muchof Aden. Polis will be in fine hands until our return.” Lexa smiled.

After breakfast, Lexa sent out a rider and set about making sure everything would be in order for their departure. Three days later it was time to depart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! As promised, here's more! Thank you for reading, I hope to hear from some of you guys, your comments make my day, you have no idea. I'll have more out soon, I promise.  
> \- Avid


	9. Trouble in Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's gonna get mad

Lexa woke Clarke as the sun rose above Polis. On the way to the gates they roused Octavia and Raven to join them. Aden followed them to the stables, laughing as Raven struggled to control her horse at first.

“Ride well. Stay safe.” Aden called to them as the four, plus Lincoln and two of the Commanders guards, Britt and Trei. The group of seven rode through the dawn pausing at noon for a quick lunch before pushing on. They stopped as the sun began to set and Octavia helped Lincoln hunt for their dinner while Trei and Britt set up camp. Lexa got a fire going while Raven and Clarke dragged Logs around the fire for everyone to sit on.

Lincoln and Octavia returned victoriously with a deer and Trei helped Lincoln skin and quarter the beast while Britt taught Octavia how to set up a spit and some flat stones for them to cook on. Lexa looked on contently. Britt and Trei had been her faithful guards for many years now. They were friends of Anya’s and had helped to train her as a nightblood. She’d instructed them before they’d left Polis to help teach Octavia important skills while they rode until Lexa could appoint Clarke guards of her own. The two warriors she had in mind were currently in Tondc so this trip was also with a hidden purpose for Lexa. After an hour, Octavia announced that dinner was ready and helped hand out the cooked meat, giving Lexa her share first. Everyone ate in silence before retreating to their tents. Lincoln and Britt volunteered to take the first watch, promising to wake Octavia and Trei for their turn later on. Clarke followed Lexa into her tent and curled up under the furs falling asleep quickly. Lexa stripped out of her armor and joined her.

The pair were roused by Octavia banging Britt and Trei’s shields together outside of their tents. Lexa poked her head out with a growl, narrowing her eyes as she spotted her two guards rolling on the ground with laughter.

“Hod yu rein daun.” _Mind your place_. Lexa growled at them.

“Sha Heda.” Britt sighed, wiping the tears from his eyes and nudging Trei. Lexa nodded and pulled her head back into the tent. After a quick breakfast of something Octavia called ‘deer bacon’, which was thin strips of the meat fried on a hot stone until it was crispy, they set off again. Lexa estimated they’d make it to Arcadia sometime between noon and sundown. Lexa was right on the mark as the group arrived at the gates at around two in the afternoon.

“It’s the commander! Clarke, Octavia, and Raven are with her! Open the gates!” Clarke heard voices call out. She took a deep breath, walking her stallion in a circle to try and keep herself calm.

“Chil, you Clarke. Chil au. We can leave whenever you want to.” _Easy Clarke. Calm._ Lexa soothed in a low voice, moving closer to Clarke.

“Ok.” Clarke nodded, turning to watch as the gate swung open. Thelonious Jaha, Marcus Kane, and Abby Griffin all stood waiting for the party to ride in, the gate closing behind them.

“Monin kom Arkadia, Heda.” _Welcome to Arcadia, Commander._ Kane greeted in trig.

“Muchof Marcus Kane. Your grasp of our language improves every time I see you.” Lexa nodded. Kane smiled at the praise.

“If we are to work together more efficiently we need to understand your people better and they us.” Kane nodded. Lexa felt a swell of pride in her chest. She quite liked Marcus Kane. He was always seeking to improve the communication between the sky people and the ground. He wanted peace like she did.

“What brings you here Commander? We were surprised to receive a rider telling us you’d be coming here.” Jaha asked.

“The sky people have grown and become my people since last I was here and I’ve heard nothing but good about Arcadia from you ambassador. I wanted to see the growth myself. Clarke also wanted to return so I thought it a perfect time to make the trip.” Lexa explained. Kane nodded, eagerly showing the group around Arcadia, pointing out the improvements and telling them about further things he wanted to get done. Lexa listened intently and nodded along with his ideas and asking him questions here and there which he happily answered. Every so often Kane would try to explain something in trig, thanking Lexa whenever she corrected his pronunciation or taught him a word he didn’t know. Lexa was glad to see he was trying and didn’t mind teaching him.

“Commander, if you and your guards are hungry, we have a hunting party leaving soon. Abby wants to throw a feast for you and for Clarke’s return.” Kane told her.

“I would like to accompany them. If you wouldn’t mind.” Lexa replied.

“Of course not Heda, I’ll ask them to wait.” Kane nodded and hurried away.

“Trei, you and I will be going with the hunters, I would like to see how skilled they are. We may teach them a thing or two. Britt, you will stay with Clarke until our return.” Lexa ordered. Her guards nodded and Clarke reached hesitantly for her hand.

“Chil au. I will return, fear not. Go see your people Clarke. I will return for you.” Lexa promised. Clarke nodded and stepped back, watching Lexa and Trei moved to join the four hunters at the gate.

“Pas yu, skai prisa.” _After you, sky princess._ Britt told her. Clarke sighed and went to find Raven.

“Clarke! There you are! Come with me.” Raven called to her. Clarke hurried over, followed closely by Britt.

“What’s up Rae?” Clarke asked. O and I gathered up the rest of the hundred, well… The forty seven and I think you should hear what’s going on.” Raven told her in a low voice. Clarke’s eyes widened and she followed Raven to the sky box. The rest of the delinquents waited patiently for them.

“Hey! You lot! Shut it!” Raven barked, standing on a table.

“Clarke!” Multiple voices shouted in greeting. Everyone seemed happy to see her.

“Hey.” Clarke smiled. It hurt to see them all, but it also felt good too.

‘ _I saved them… These are my people…’_ Clarke told herself.

“Raven told me you guys were talking. What’s really going on here?” Clarke asked.

“The council and the adults think they know everything! We’ve been here longer but they don’t listen to us!” One voice called out.

“They treat us like delinquents too. Like we’re still just naughty kids up on the Arc!” Another voice called.

“We aren’t allowed outside the gates!” A third howled angrily.

“Jaha wants everyone to remove their birth control implants and have kids as soon as possible. Especially us!” Harper called out and there was a murmur of agreement from the girls.

“We aren’t ready for that. We’re still kids too. But he pressures us. There’s a rumor going that it might become mandatory.” Another girl called out. Clarke frowned.

“Don’t let him bully you. I’ll have words with the council. It’s time they learn how we live life on the ground!” Clarke promised. The entire room erupted with cheers.

“The commander and I will deal with it. If you have any more complaints, come find me while I’m here.” Clarke continued. The room roared again and many people hurried forward to hug Clarke and pat her on the back and shoulders, all of them welcoming her home.

“Where’s Bellamy?” Clarke asked Raven.

“He’s working on something right now but he’ll be back for dinner. I’ll tell him to find you.” Raven promised, following the others out. Clarke nodded and waited for the room to empty.

“Britt?” Clarke called. The man appeared out of nowhere.

“Sha.” He replied.

“Did you hear all of that?” She asked. The man’s face darkened as he nodded.

“What do I do?” She wondered.

“You speak to Heda. You lead together. She will help you.” He replied. Clarke nodded and went to wait by the horses. Britt taught her how to unsaddle her horse and then gave her a brush, teaching her how to groom the stallion. Clarke set to work as Britt moved around the other horses to make them comfortable as well.

Lexa and Trei returned with the hunters, the six carrying four deer and a large panther between them. The men had been happy to learn from Lexa and Trei to better feed their people. Lexa boasted about killing the panther, sneaking up on it as she taught the men. They’d all expected a deer until they got close enough. Lexa leapt from a tree and drove her sword through its neck, killing the beast instantly. When the group got back within the gates, the men followed Trei closely, all eager to learn more from the warrior. They watched closely as he skinned and quartered the first deer, before moving to help them do the rest, correcting them where necessary. Lexa moved away, tracking down Clarke and Britt. She smiled when she found the two tending to the horses.

“Hey.” Lexa purred.

“Hey there.” Clarke smiled.

“What did you learn?” Lexa asked, picking up on Clarke’s discomfort.

“We need to talk tonight. What did you catch?” Clarke asked in return.

“The men brought four deer but I tackled a panther.” Lexa boasted. Clarke smirked at the Commanders theatrics. Not long later they were called for dinner in the large mess hall that had been constructed and sat at one of the many long tables. To Lexa’s surprise they were joined by not only Octavia and Raven but by the rest of the forty seven as well.

“Commander.” They greeted respectfully. Lexa remembered what Octavia and Raven had told her about these kids.

‘ _They were all meant to be killed here.’_ Lexa mused mentally. She had so many questions for these people. She wanted to protect them. Knowing what she knew made Lexa wary of the council and their motives. They all chatted happily during dinner, many wanting to hear how Lexa killed the panther, which she happily told, the same way she told her nightbloods stories. She smiled at the reactions she got as they urged her to tell another hunting story. After dinner, the tables began to empty and Lexa led Clarke to the tent Britt had set up for them near the horses. Clarke sighed in relief as soon as she figured out she wasn’t going to have to sleep in the remains of the Arc.

“What did you want to tell me?” Lexa asked as they settled into the furs. Clarke sighed and explained what she’d heard. She saw Lexa’s brows furrow with anger.

“I would like to speak to them.” Lexa decided. Clarke looked at her confused.

“The forty seven. Our people. Then we will deal with the council but there are things I need to take care of before that.” Lexa clarified.

“Tomorrow. They like you already. That’s why they came to sit with us at dinner.” Clarke yawned. Lexa nodded and managed to fall asleep at some point in the night. The commander had a plan already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm on a roll. I've got a bunch of ideas so I'm probably going to just keep putting out chapters for a while. I hope you enjoy and Thank you to everyone who commented already, I love hearing from you guys! If there's anything you want to see in a chapter or two, feel free to comment and I will try to find a way to work it in.  
> -Avid


	10. You Are Ours As We Are Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa, Clarke and the 47 have a heart to heart.

Lexa woke up to Clarke whimpering and squirming under the furs.

“Clarke… Clarke… Wake up… It’s just a nightmare, I’m here…” Lexa soothed sitting up and rubbing the distressed girl’s back. Clarke shot upright, wide awake and clung to Lexa, sobbing softly into her shoulder.

“Ai niron… What’s wrong?” Lexa asked gently.

“Th-The Mountain… I burned them all… I killed hundreds… for less than a hundred of my people… There were children… I burned them…Murdered them…” Clarke gasped.

“Clarke… They were murderers. Living off the blood of my people and killing yours in their greed. There were no innocents in that mountain.” Lexa told her firmly. Clarke shook in her arms and Lexa held her, pressing kisses to the top of her head as she waited for Clarke to calm.

“Th-There were thirteen… Th-Thirteen kids… No older than ten…” Clarke whispered.

“I’m sorry… It’s ok… Breathe Clarke.” Lexa soothed.

“I counted… When I left… I went back and counted…” Clarke continued. Lexa held her close and waited for the blonde to come back to herself, calling to Britt and Trei and telling them not to allow anyone near the tent. Finally Clarke calmed and sat limply in Lexa’s arms. She weakly pulled at Lexa’s shirt with her fingers to ground herself.

“I’m here.” Lexa promised softly. She felt Clarke nod against her chest.

“Commander. Octavia kom trikru demands entrance.” Britt called softly into the tent.

“Is it ok if I let Octavia in?” Lexa asked gently.

“O…” Clarke rasped.

“Let her pass.” Lexa replied. Octavia pushed the flap of the tent open and at the sight of Clarke and Lexa, dropped to her knees in front of where Lexa cradled Clarke against her chest.

“Hey.” Octavia greeted softly.

“O…” Clarke repeated. Octavia took Clarke’s hands in her own, rubbing soft patterns against Clarke’s knuckles with her thumbs.

“What happened Clarkey?” Octavia asked softly.

“Th-The Mountain… The bodies…” Clarke whispered. Octavia nodded, understanding.

“No one blames you for that Clarke… You saved their lives. The forty seven were so worried when you didn’t come back with us.” Octavia soothed.

“B-But…” Clarke tried to protest.

“No. No buts.” Octavia told her firmly. Clarke nodded.

“Gather the forty seven and Raven. We’ll meet you guys soon.” Lexa ordered softly. Octavia nodded, kissing Clarke’s knuckles before hurrying away.

“We’ll speak with them and then I must go to Tondc for a few hours today. I’ll go again tomorrow too.” Lexa told her.

“Can I go with you…?” Clarke asked softly.

“When I ride for Tondc tomorrow, you will be by my side but today you’ll stay here. Britt will remain with you. I’ll return at sundown.” Lexa promised.

“If you don’t want to be around people, hide in here and I’ll tell Britt to make sure you aren’t disturbed while you are in the tent.” Lexa suggested. Clarke nodded and they got changed to face the day. Clarke led Lexa to the sky box where the others waited.

“Clarke! Commander!” Many voices chorused in greeting. Raven and Octavia silenced them again.

“The commander is on our side! Tell her what’s been going on here! Tell her what you all told me yesterday!” Clarke called out. The others called out one by one, telling Lexa what Clarke had already told her. Lexa was fuming silently by the time they’d finished.

“This will not continue. Clarke and I WILL deal with your council. Trust me.” Lexa began.

“Sha Heda.” They all called back in unison.

“I have a matter I need to address with you all, please listen.” Lexa continued. She felt Clarke look at her confused and waited for the voices to die down.

“At the Mountain, I took a deal and potentially left many of you to die. I know that was wrong and for that you have my apologies, you owe me no loyalty for that. However, Clarke still took the mountain with the help of some of you. She rescued you all, her people, but at a heavy price.” Lexa paused, collecting herself.

“She left to try and find herself again but Clarke still feels she failed you. She is still haunted by the mountain.” Lexa pressed on. Many voices of protest rose from the group in front of them.

“No!”

“Never!”

“You saved us Clarke!”

“Even before there mountain you kept us alive! Even if we didn’t always listen!”

“You could never fail us princess!” Bellamy’s voice called the loudest and everyone agreed with him. Lexa saw Clarke tear up next to her.

“You are her people as she is yours. I must ride for Tondc today, though she will have a guard, will you protect her?” Lexa asked.

“With our lives! Wanheda ou* Wamplei!” _The commander of death/Clarke or death._ Octavia answered loudly.

“Wanheda ou* Waplei!” Everyone in the room echoed. Lexa nodded her approval. Everyone got in a line and hugged Clarke, promising she didn’t fail them and telling her only positive things. Everyone nodded to the commander as they passed before heading out the door.

“Y-You didn’t need to do that…” Clarke sniffled, still crying.

“I did. They are your people. You are their leader. We share our burdens to unite under them.” Lexa told her. Clarke nodded, pulling her into a kiss.

“A-Ai hod yu in…” Clarke mumbled, clinging to Lexa.

“I love you too Clarke. You will be safe while I’m gone.” Lexa promised, holding her close. Clarke walked Lexa to the horses and watched as she and Trei rode away.

“You can hide in the mechanic bay with me, for a bit.” Raven offered softly, coming up next to Clarke.

“Muchof Rae.” Clarke mumbled.

“Pro.” Raven smiled, leading her into the Arc. Britt stood guard outside while Raven sat Clarke down in a corner full of what Clarke assumed to be every surviving pillow on the Arc and quite a few soft looking furs.

“R-Raven..?” Clarke asked confused.

“O and I built the corner for the forty seven. Whenever things get to be too much, they’re safe to hide here and cry or scream or just rest. Call it a mental health day.” Raven explained getting Clarke settled among the pillows. Raven sat with her back against the wall and let Clarke lay down with her had in Raven’s lap.

“Rest Clarke. Britt will guard outside and I’m here. You won’t have any nightmares here.” Raven promised, pulling a fur up to Clarke’s shoulders. She and Octavia had long since brought the softest ones in Arcadia here for the corner. Clarke drifted off to sleep as Raven stroked her hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's another! The *is because I couldn't find a trig word for or so I improvised. I thought the pillow pit was a good idea because of all the shit Clarke has to deal with, she needs some sleep. A little bit of platonic princess mechanic too for you people cuz they're cute as friends, Raven and Clarke are totally bros. Thank you to all of you amazing people for reading and for the wonderful comments I got! There's more coming so sit tight.  
> \- Avid


	11. Tondc and Warriors of Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's a fucking nerd.

Lexa rode at a quick pace to Tondc with Trei keeping up easily behind her. When they arrived at the village, Indra was waiting for them.

“Heda.” The general bowed her head respectfully.

“Indra. I see rebuilding is going well.” Lexa noted, dismounting Socks and handing his reigns off to Trei. The village was almost fully rebuilt around her.

“Sha. Thank you for sending men from Polis to help.” Indra replied. Lexa nodded and let the general lead her around the village. The people there greeted her as she passed with warm smiles.

“What are you really here for Heda? Surely you could’ve sent a rider for a progress report on the reconstruction.” Indra asked as soon as they were away from prying ears.

“I came to retrieve Jynx and Briat. I have an assignment for them.” Lexa replied. Indra’s eyes widened at the names Lexa mentioned.

“The sky girl?” Indra asked.

“Sha. They will be her guards. They can help her too.” Lexa nodded. Indra called for the two warriors, who appeared moments later.

“Heda.” They bowed.

“Rise. I have a task for you.” Lexa ordered. She paused to look the two over. Jynx was Anya’s younger sister. She had been tormented relentlessly as a child for having two different colored eyes. Anya of course had none of it and beat up anyone who dared hurt her sister until Jynx became a warrior. Jynx stood proudly before Lexa. She was built wispier than Anya but with just as much muscle. Her hair was worn in dark braids that brought out her eyes. One was green and the other was a dark blue. Lexa’s gaze fell in the long score marks over Jynx’s green eye.

“A mountain lion Heda. Got the drop on my while I was hunting.” Jynx explained before Lexa could ask.

“I use his pelt to sleep under every night just to spite him.” Jynx continued with a grin. Lexa smiled. Briat was Gutus’s second before he had died. He was built like his mentor with a thick beard as well. His hair too was held back in braids. He had a dark tattoo down the left side of his face with flecks of gold in the ink that accented his honey colored eyes.

“For Gustus.” Brait told Lexa, gently running his fingers down the tattoo.

“I am sorry.” Lexa told him softly, but the man shook his head, understanding showing in his eyes.

“You two will pack and prepare to ride to Arcadia with Trei and me. We need to return before sundown.” Lexa ordered.

“Sha Heda.” They bowed and hurried away.

“I will return with Clarke tomorrow. She wanted to see Tondc too.” Lexa told Indra as the general returned to her side.

“The sky girl will always be welcome here.” Indra nodded. She honestly was fond of the blonde rabble rouser.

“Octavia will be coming too.” Lexa added, smirking at how quickly Indra perked up. Jynx and Briat waited at the village gate with Trei, Socks, and two more horses.

“Maun op! We ride for Arcadia.” Lexa ordered, striding forward to take the reins of Socks from Trei. She mounted her stallion and waited for the other three to follow in suit before urging her Socks forward.

“Jynx. Briat. Upon our arrival at Arcadia, you will be the guards of Clarke kom Skaikru. You will guard her as you would me. I’m trust her to you. If anything happens to her, I will end you twice as painfully.” Lexa explained. Both guards nodded, honored to be given the task, but slightly terrified as well.

“You will be patient and teach her too. Anything she wants to know you will teach her to the nest of your ability or find someone who can. You will learn her and keep her safe. Even if she tells you to go away or leave her alone you hide just out of sight then. Nothing will hurt her or I will hurt you twice as much.” Lexa continued. When she was done they picked up the pace and arrived at Arcadia an hour before sundown. Octavia waited for them at the gate. As soon as the four were let in, they dismounted and tethered their horses with the others they’d ridden from Polis.

“Trei, take care of the horses and then find us. Octavia, where is Clarke?” Lexa asked.

“Who are they?” Octavia asked, looking the new comers up and down wearily.

“This is Jynx and Briat. They will be Clarke’s personal guards. They have my complete trust.” Lexa introduced.

“Octavia kom trikru. Seken kom Indra.” Briat greeted. Octavia grinned at the recognition.

“Raven brought her to the corner.” Octavia explained leading the way.

“You’ll see commander.” Octavia promised at the confused look Lexa gave her. Octavia led them to the mechanic bay where Britt stood guard.

“Heda.” He bowed.

“Clarke is in there?” Lexa asked.

“Sha. With Raven kom Skaikru.” He nodded.

“You know Briat and Jynx. They are Clarke’s guards.” Lexa explained. He nodded and let them pass, remaining outside.

“Commander.” Raven greeted softly from a relatively well hidden corner of the room. Lexa understood what Octavia meant. The floor was a shallow pit that was filled with pillows and soft furs. Clarke was asleep with her head on Raven’s lap, tucked under one of the furs. Raven ran her fingers through blonde locks as she watched the commander.

“She’s been asleep like this since you left. The forty seven have been drifting in and out to check on her all day too. You really touched them. You touched all of us.” Raven told. Lexa nodded.

“Clarke… Princess. The Commanders back.” Raven gently started to wake Clarke up.

“L-Lexa…?” Clarke mumbled sleepily. She purred when she felt soft hands reach out and cover her own.

“I’m here. Did you sleep well?” Lexa asked. Clarke nodded, sitting up and stretching.

“We need one of these in Polis.” Clarke told her.

“Noted. I’ll figure it out when we return. In the meantime tomorrow we can send a rider to Polis to tell Aedan to find the softest pillows and furs he can until we return.” Lexa nodded. Clarke seemed satisfied with that answer.

“Clarke, there are some people I need you to meet.” Lexa began.

“Hmm?” Clarke hummed becoming more alert.

“This, is Jynx. She’s Anya’s little sister. She will be one of your personal guards, just as Britt and Trei are mine. This is Briat. Basically Briar with a T instead of an R. He was Gustus’s seken. He will be you other guard. They will protect you to the death and then some.” Lexa introduced, pointing first to the woman and then to the man.

“I… Ok I guess…” Clarke sighed. Guards would help her in the long run and she knew that as much as she wanted to argue with the commander.

“Heda, it is time for supper.” Britt called into the room.

“We’ll be there shortly.” Lexa called back.

“Thank you Raven… I haven’t slept that well in a while.” Clarke said softly, turning to the mechanic.

“I know Princess. Don’t worry. We’re here for you. All of the forty nine.” Raven nodded.

“Forty nine?” Clarke asked confused.

“Lexa too. And Lincoln cuz of Octavia. Everyone agrees. We’ve adopted you as one of our people Lexa and there’s nothing you can do to escape it.” Raven shrugged with a grin.

“Well if there’s nothing I can do I guess I’ll just accept it, Raven, gonakru kom wamplei.” Lexa smirked.

“Woah did you just give us a cool name? I’m gonna tell the others, they’ll be thrilled!” Raven exclaimed, pushing to her feet excited.

“Wait, what does that mean?” Raven paused.

“Raven, warrior of death. Because Clarke is the Commander of death and she is the leader.” Lexa translated.

“That’s dark. Cute but dark. Good job commander.” Raven grinned again and limped away in a hurry.

“You just made their day, I promise.” Clarke laughed at Ravens sudden exit.

“Made their day..? Is it not already day?” Lexa asked confused.

“Right. It’s a sky people phrase that means you just made them really, really happy.” Clarke explained. Lexa nodded, understanding.

“Let’s go to supper then.” Lexa decided, helping Clarke to her feet. Their guards fell in behind them as they walked the mess hall. The forty seven sat around them again, all super hyped about their new name. Lexa was glad to be among them. With the forty seven she could just be Lexa and no one thought any less of her for it. She smiled and laughed with the rest of them throughout dinner. They all bid Lexa and Clarke goodnight as they began to leave in small groups.

“You’re one of us now Lexa.” Clarke purred, cuddling into her side.

“I’m glad. It’s time for bed we have much to do tomorrow Kwin kom Wamplei.” Lexa smirked, leading Clarke back to the tent and getting ready to sleep. Both were surprised to find the floor of the tent covered in pillows like the ones in the corner. Lexa smiled at the panther fur folded neatly in the corner.

“Octavia.” Clarke smiled, shaking her head.

“We’ll thank her tomorrow.” Lexa yawned, making herself comfortable as Clarke curled into her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Lexa's a huge nerd in this chapter and I threw in some custom characters for shits and giggles but they're important. Lexa renames the forty seven the warriors of death because Clarke is the commander of death and it fits. she feels like she belongs with them so she gives them a respectable name. I hope you guys like this one, If you requested anything I'm going to work it into the next chapter I promise so keep it coming you guys are great. Thanks as always for reading.  
> \- Avid


	12. Need to Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke learns about the project Bellamy's been working on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****TRIGGER WARNING****  
> THERE IS A SCENE WHERE LEXA PURPOSEFULLY CONSTRICTS CLARKE'S BREATHING AND CHOKES HER WHILE TALKING DOWN AT HER. IF THIS WILL TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE BE CAREFUL.  
> ON A SIDE NOTE, THIS IS A PRE-ARRANGED ACTION BETWEEEN TWO CONSENTING ADULTS. LEXA WOULDN'T HURT CLARKE.

For once when Lexa woke up, Clarke was still sleeping peacefully.

“Thank you Octavia.” Lexa sighed contently. She felt well rested too.

‘ _We definitely need one of these in Polis.’_ Lexa decided mentally. She eased away from Clarke and exited the tent to start and early morning sparring match with Britt. Clarke woke up sometime later, alone under the panther fur.

“Lexa..?” She called softly but got no answer.

‘ _She’s gone. Why would the commander want you?’_ Nia’s voice cackled in her head. Clarke shook her head clear trying to keep calm. She hurried to get dressed and left the tent, her breath hitching as she still found no signs of the Commander.

“No no no. Think Griffin think.” She muttered to herself. Clarke checked the horses first but found Lexa’s war horse Socks to be missing along with the two mares Britt and Trei rode.

‘ _She’s gone. She left you here alone.’_ Nia crowed. Clarke let out a soft whine, starting to lose her grip. Jynx watched closely as the sky girl paced, her chest heaving as she tried to fight back a panic attack and suddenly the warrior understood why Lexa had chosen her. Jynx and Anya had helped Lexa through Costia. Clarke seemed to be going through something of a similar nature.

“Octavia, gonakru kom wamplei. Keep others away from Klark. Please.” Jynx told the girl as she drew closer, seeing Clarke’s discomfort as well. Octavia nodded and Jynx sent Briat to fetch the commander. Clarke paced, her breathing getting harder and harder to keep calm. She was alone and she felt trapped by the fences.

“Raven! Fence!” Octavia shouted to the mechanic as she figured out what Clarke was going to do just before she did it. Raven hit the electricity just before Clarke leapt the fence and easily got over it, running the other way. Jynx did the same, nodding her thanks to Octavia. Jynx hesitated as Lexa flew by her, easily catching up to Clarke.

“Set raun..?” _We stay…?_ She asked Trei unsure.

“Sha.” The warrior panted as he stopped by her side.

Lexa tore after Clarke, quickly catching up to the panicked blonde.

“Clarke!” Lexa called after her. Clarke slowed, hesitating at Lexa’s voice. Lexa caught her, wrapping her arms around Clarke from behind, her right arm pinning Clarke’s arms firmly to her body while her left snaked around her shoulders, hand stopping in a gentle but firm grip around her neck. Her hold kept Clarke’s chin up so she was looking at the sky.

“Shh. I’m here. Breathe.” Lexa purred, rubbing the column of Clarke’s neck in the way she knew Clarke liked.

“I c-can’t… T-Too much…” Clarke gasped.

“No. Breathe. Breathe and we will play the game.” Lexa soothed, taking deep breaths against Clarke’s back. After a few minutes, Clarke’s breathing calmed and Lexa was pretty much holding her up.

“Are you sure you want this?” Lexa asked slowly.

“Please…” Clarke begged in a whisper. Lexa sighed.

“Ok. Lean your head back against my shoulder.” Lexa instructed gently, letting go to allow Clarke to move.

“Ready?” Lexa asked again, her final check for consent.

“Sha Heda.” Clarke nodded.

“Good girl. Don’t get tense.” Lexa purred, slowly tightening her grip on Clarke’s neck but not enough to completely cut off her breathing. She waited until she felt the blonde squirm against her.

“Be still. You breathe because I let you breathe. Am I clear, Sky girl?” Lexa growled in her ear.

“Sh-Sha Heda.” Clarke gasped.

“Good girl. This is my world sky girl. You exist here because I let you.” Lexa continued, tightening her grip again.

“You do as I say or I’ll slit your throat right here and leave you to choke on your own blood. Am I clear?” Lexa hissed. Clarke gave a tiny nod and the noise turned into a purr.

“Good. Now breathe.” Lexa ordered, loosening her grip to nothing. Clarke sucked in a deep breath of air, not moving from where she was. Then Lexa’s hold was back again.

“Are you done causing trouble yet? You are no leader. You control nothing, not even your breathing sky girl.” Lexa growled sounding angry, but Clarke knew better. Lexa was doing this for her.

“Yes. Yes. I’m sorry Heda.” Clarke whimpered. Lexa smirked against her neck.

“Then tell me why I’m punishing you sky girl.” Lexa ordered, loosening her grip to let Clarke breathe for a few seconds before tightening it again.

“Because I misbehaved.” Clarke gasped.

“Why else?” Lexa snarled.

“Because I failed my people… I killed so many in the mountain.” Clarke whimpered.

“Why else?” Lexa repeated firmer. She knew there was something else bothering the blonde. She wouldn’t be free until she got it out.

“Because I killed innocents… I robbed thirteen children of their lives… Their chance to grow up…” Clarke sobbed, not noticing that Lexa had loosened the grip on her neck to nothing, stroking the column of her neck to soothe her.

“Easy Clarke. We’re done. Let it out.” Lexa purred, holding Clarke gently against her chest. Clarke nodded, knowing the game was done when Lexa said her name. Clarke turned and buried her face in the crook of Lexa’s neck, putting the hand on her throat against the back of her neck. Lexa held her close and murmured comforts until Clarke had calmed again. She’d discovered the effectiveness of their game in Polis, late one night when Clarke was lost to a really bad memory. It brought Clarke back and let her speak true. Now they played it when no one else was around and Clarke needed a ground.

“What happened this morning?” Lexa asked gently once the sobs had stopped.

“Y-You were gone… Nia… She said… I couldn’t find you… S-Socks and the two mares were g-gone… I thought you l-left…” Clarke whimpered.

“Lincoln took the horses to graze. What did Nia say?” Lexa told her.

“Th-that you left… That you’d n-never want me…” Clarke mumbled.

“She’s wrong. You are MINE. No else’s.” Lexa growled firmly, pressing a possessive kiss on the top of Clarke’s head.

“As you are mine.” Clarke purred.

“Sha, ai niron.” Lexa agreed.

“I’m ok… Thank you…” Clarke said softly.

“If you’re ready. We’ll go back to Arcadia.” Lexa held her hand out for Clarke. Clarke took it and nodded, letting Lexa lead them back. If she was honest she’d gotten a bit lost as she ran. After ten minutes they met back up with Jynx and Trei who waited at the edge of the forest.

“You scared us skai prisa.” Trei sighed relieved.

“You’re ok.” Jynx purred pulling Clarke into a hug.

“Sha Jynx.” Clarke nodded. Lexa waited patiently for Jynx to release Clarke again and the four returned to Arcadia. Briat and Britt waited just inside the gate with Octavia, Raven, and Abby. Clarke hesitates at the sight of her mother.

“It’s ok Clarke. You’re ok. Jynx, get Octavia and Raven to help you keep ambassador Griffin away for the time being so we can get back in the gate. Briat will take your place until you rejoin us.” Lexa instructed lowly. Jynx nodded and caught Octavia’s eye, glancing at Raven, Clarke, and Abby and back again. Octavia gave a small nod and nudged Ravens arm, whispering in her ear before the pair turned to take care of Abby. Clarke stayed behind Lexa as they slipped through the gate and hurried away from Abby.

“Thank you…” Clarke mumbled gratefully.

“Think nothing of it. Your comfort is more important to me.” Lexa purred once they were back at the tent.

“Today we ride for Tondc together with Bellamy and Octavia. Tomorrow we gather the gonakru kom wamplei and speak to them before taking on the council. Together.” Lexa told her gently, holding the blonde close.

“Ok.” Clarke nodded. When Clarke was ready, they exited the tent again and Jynx retrieved Bellamy and Octavia. The eight mounted up and began the ride to Tondc. Indra waited for them at the gates.

“Oh crap…” Octavia muttered upon the sight of her old mentor.

“Octavia. Indra would still like to continue your training.” Lexa began, looking between the two women. Octavia’s eyes widened in surprise and she looked at Indra who gave a small nod.

“Please.” Octavia nodded. Indra straightened her back, hiding a smile.

“Then come seken. We have much to do to see if the skaikru have made you soft.” Indra growled.

“Nowe! I am strong!” Octavia growled back, hurrying off her horse and following the older warrior eagerly. Lexa smirked as she watched them go.

“Bellamy. Tell Clarke about what you’ve been doing now that we are free of prying ears.” Lexa ordered.

“Sha Heda.” Bellamy nodded.

“With Indra and Raven’s help, I’ve been making the dropship and its clearing habitable and plant able. If the council continues, we could leave and live there. We’d be safe and Lexa and Indra both promised to send people to help us build and teach us skills to become a village of our own. We’d be safe.” Bellamy explained. Clarke looked at Lexa wide eyed.

“You knew about this?” Clarke asked in disbelief. Lexa nodded.

“Not long after we recovered you, I got letters from both Bellamy and Indra requesting that I grant the land in question to you and in your stead, Bellamy. When they explained their plan to make it a living space I was inclined to allow it so I did. That land is yours Clarke, it is your call but it is something to consider if our meeting with the council goes sour.” Lexa admitted. Clarke nodded.

“Thank you… You guys… Bell… Please continue… Work on fortifying it. We’ll talk to the forty seven tomorrow before we talk to the council.” Clarke decided with a smile. Bellamy nodded and rode off into the woods to work while Lexa dismounted Socks and began to show Clarke around the healing village. At sundown, Bellamy and Octavia rejoined them and they rode back to Arcadia, arriving a few hours after midnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This is the next chapter and I hope you enjoyed it.  
> On a quick note, I feel the need to explain the scene between Clarke and Lexa in the forest. Lexa isn't hurting Clarke, she's actually being very very careful with what she's doing but she does it because Clarke needs it in that moment. Clarke gets overwhelmed by all of the things she has to do and deal with, all of her responsibilities and while she's freaking out it all crashes down around her. What Lexa did, taking all control from her, brings her back and helps calm her down. Unlike what Nia did, When Lexa controls Clarke's air Clarke knows she's safe and that Lexa will protect her no matter what and that allows her to relax as well. It's just something she needs. she needs not to be in control for a little while which Lexa gets.  
> I'm sorry if it didn't seem to fit or if it seemed too dark but its important. Thanks for reading and thank you for leaving comments, you guys are so great, you make my day! Stay safe,  
> \- Avid


	13. Three Days, Clarke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa V the council

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****NOT REALLY A TRIGGER WARNING BUT STILL A WARNING NONE THE LESS****  
> Theres and almost sex scene between our two favorite leaders, I'll mark it with ** at the beginning and ends if you want to skip it. If you do, you won't miss anything it really has no plot value. I pansied out. My apologies.

Clarke woke at dawn and found Lexa already awake and in the process of getting changed for the day.

“I was about to wake you, it is time.” Lexa smiled. Clarke yawned and got changed, following Lexa to the skybox where the forty seven waited.

“Clarke! Commander!” They called in greeting.

“Today we talk to the council in your stead. Hopefully they will listen! But, if they do not, we have an alternative for you to consider. Bellamy, tell everyone what you’ve been doing!” Lexa called. Bellamy nodded and rose to join them.

“I’ve been building us a safe place to live if we leave. With the help of Indra and people of Tondc, we’ve started building a village where the drop ship sits! We can leave and live there! We will be safe and the commander promised to send people to help us build and teach us to survive on our own!” Bellamy explained to them. There were murmurs of conversation through the group as he finished.

“You don’t have to go if you do not want to! We won’t force anyone against their will. But now we have somewhere safe to promise you all, outside of here!” Clarke emphasized.

“Can we leave today?”

“When are we going?”

“What if the council tries to stop us?” Voices from the group asked. Clarke felt herself smile.

“If they stop us then we fight! If they try for Clarke or Lexa then we stop them! Heda an* Wanheda ou Wamplei! We are the gonakru kom wamplei! I dare them to stop us!” Octavia shouted, raising her fist.

“Yeah! Let ‘em try us! Heda an* Wanheda ou waplei!” Another voice agreed and everyone raised their fists with roars of agreement. Lexa smiled.

“I have a plan, but I need some of you to help me.” Lexa began, silencing the crowd. They all looked at her determinedly and Lexa felt nothing short of pride swell in her chest.

“Anything, commander!”

“You are one of us!” Voiced called to her.

“I will tell you more at tomorrow’s meeting. We meet here again. Bellamy, take a small group to the drop ship at noon. Everyone who goes with Bellamy will not return with him. We must be subtle.” Lexa promised and everyone nodded.

“Let’s go face the council commander.” Clarke whispered, taking Lexa’s hand. Lexa nodded and they left the room with a nod to Bellamy, Raven, and Octavia. Clarke and Lexa easily found the council chamber and joined the meeting already in session.

“Commander. Clarke. Thank you for joining us.” Kane greeted.

“Why are you keeping my forty seven here like prisoners?” Clarke demanded, cutting right to the chase.

“They aren’t prisoners. Outside the fence is dangerous. We have men who can hunt and provide for us. You kids are all safer within the walls sweetie. You all can relax. We’ll handle things.” Abby replied gently. Lexa could feel Clarke bristle at the words.

“And you. Why are you pressuring the girls to get their implants removed? Many of us are under eighteen. If we’re still kids then how is that right? You seemed to be either sick or a hypocrite.” Clarke growled turning to Jaha.

“We need to raise our population Clarke. Our numbers are low and many people died on the landing.” Jaha began but the growl that rose up in Clarke’s throat cut him off.

“What if we decided we all wanted to leave? That we could take better care of ourselves elsewhere?” Clarke asked. Abby and Jaha laughed, before seeing the look on Clarke’s face.

“Clarke, honey. We can take care of things here. There’s no need to go anywhere when everyone is safe here.” Abby told her.

“You have nothing for me Clarke?” Kane asked both amused and confused.

“You’ve done nothing but try to keep the peace. But you need to work harder at controlling these two.” Clarke shrugged.

“Would you stop them if they tried to leave Arcadia?” Lexa asked finally, joining in.

“Of course! It’s not safe out there for them, they’re just kids.” Abby answered immediately. Lexa felt a snarl rise from her throat.

“We will continue this conversation tomorrow, I have much I need to think about.” Lexa rose abruptly from her seat and strode out the door with Clarke on her heels.

“Lexa?” Clarke asked softly. She could feel the anger radiating off the commander.

“I am fine Clarke. We leave tomorrow. All of us. No matter how they try to stop us.” Lexa growled.

“Ok.” Clarke nodded.

Clarke sat at the edge of the sparring ground as Lexa sparred with her guards. She was mesmerized by the commander’s fighting.

“Showing off for your Kwin, Heda?” Britt teased.

“Shop of.” Lexa hissed back, blushing.

“Let’s make this more interesting. Loser has to run to Tondc tomorrow, instead of riding.” Britt challenged. Lexa grinned and shucked her heavy armored jacket to make herself lighter.

“You’re on. I hope you’re still in shape old man.” Lexa teased. Britt smirked and unleashed a quick flurry of attacks on her. Lexa deflected most of them and retaliated by slashing and hacking at Britts defenses, trying to make them shatter. The fight progressed as tensions rose and Lexa kept track of Clarke out of the corner of her eyes. Clarke was blissfully unaware of her surroundings, her attention locked onto Lexa, unable to stop a grin as Lexa shatter Britts defense and swept his feet from under him.

“Guess you’d better rest up then.” Lexa gloated, pulling her guard to his feet.

“Sha Heda.” He bowed his head. Lexa strode purposefully over to Clarke in nothing but her tank top and pants, knowing Britt would grab her jacket as he left.

“Like what you see, ai niron?” Lexa purred. Clarke immediately blushed and gaped wordlessly at the sight before her, cursing the heat she felt starting to pool in her belly.

***********************************************************************************************************************************************

“I thought so.” Lexa smirked, striding away to change, leaving Clarke a mess in her wake. Clarke rose to her feet and hurried after the commander. As soon as they were back inside the tent, Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s hips from behind and purred lustfully into the crook of her neck, rubbing slightly against Lexa’s backside.

“Klark…” Lexa rasped, putting her arms over Clarke’s.

“Lexa…” Clarke whined, running her hands across the flat plain of Lexa's stomach needily.

“Clarke… We can’t do this… Not here…” Lexa tried, her words melting into a moan.

“Beja…” Clarke whimpered, her arousal starting to become an uncomfortable bulge straining against the front of her pants. 

“When… When we return to P-Polis.” Lexa promised shakily. Clarke whined again but stepped away, looking for something to hide herself with and settling for a pillow. She wasn't ready to change her clothes yet.

“Clarke… I can leave for a bit so you can take care of yourself but we can't yet. Not here. Not like this...” Lexa reminded softly. Clarke shook her head.

“Sleep… I just need to…” Clarke mumbled dizzily, curling up under the panther fur.

******************************************************************************************************************************************************************

“Ok. Ron yu op bida riden.” _Get some sleep._ Lexa purred, running her hand up and down Clarke’s back until she was sure the girl was asleep comfortably. Lexa slowly rose and exited the tent, wandering around Arcadia. Occasionally she was stopped by members of the gonakru kom wamplei and stayed with them for brief instances before continuing to move around Arcadia. As the sun set, she retrieved dinner and brought it back to the tent where Clarke still slumbered. She woke the blonde and got her to eat before pulling her against her chest and settling down to sleep.

When Lexa woke, Clarke was gone. She rose to her feet and left the tent. Dawn was barely breaking when Lexa found Jynx standing outside the sparring ring, where Clarke threw frenzied punches and kicks at Briat who encouraged the motions while also correcting her here or there. He easily blocked her attacks but she was improving steadily.

“She woke and wanted to relieve some stress Heda.” Jynx explained softly as Lexa stood beside her.

“Is she ok?” Lexa asked softly.

“She improves. Briat teaches her as Gustos taught you long ago Heda.” Jynx nodded. Lexa was silent. When Costia had been taken from her she’d been so full of rage and hate, letting it consume her until Anya threw her in the ring with Gustus. She’d thrown angry and unfocused strikes at the bigger man who deflected them easily, letting the young Commander tire herself out and calm down before he began to teach and correct her. Lexa smiled as she watched Clarke until the blonde pulled a final strike out of nowhere and hit firmly against Briats jaw, sending his head snapping the other direction. Clarke, Lexa, and Jynx all froze amazed.

“Ha! I got you!” Clarke grinned. Briat frowned, rubbing his jaw, before letting out a bellow of a laugh and patting Clarke on the top of the head affectionately.

“You did well, strik gona.” _Little warrior._ He praised. Clarke beamed up at him and walked over to Lexa.

“Hey.” Lexa greeted softly.

“I’m ok now.” Clarke promised, taking one of Lexa’s hands in her own and kissing the back of the commander’s knuckles.

“You should get changed so we can meet the others.” Lexa suggested and Clarke nodded, racing off toward the tent with Jynx on her heels.

“Muchof Briat. Seken kom Gustos.” Lexa murmured, extending her hand to him.

“Pro Heda.” He nodded, grasping her forearm firmly. She nodded and let him go, watching the large young man lumber after Jynx and Clarke. Lexa headed toward the sky box, wandering around the currently empty space until she found a cell full of drawings. She ran her fingers gently over the images on the walls and studied closely, the images scrawled onto the floor.

“Clarke…” Lexa murmured as she stood at the center of the space, taking it all in.

“This is where I would’ve stayed until they floated me. This was where I lived for almost a year before they sent us down here… No human contact… Just the window, the bed, and some charcoals some of my friends would find ways to slip under the door…” Clarke said softly, leaning against the door frame.

“These are beautiful… Are they of the ground?” Lexa asked. Clarke nodded.

“I only had my imagination and old pictures to go off of but… I wasn’t that far off.” The blonde shrugged, staying by the door.

“I pondered many things while you slept yesterday. I have many words for the council.” Lexa admitted, moving towards Clarke.

“I expected as much.” Clarke gave her a small smile and led them out to the larger part of the sky box where the rest of their people waited.

“We leave today. And it is on this day I need your help. I fear the council will fight back and try to prevent your leave. Bellamy, you will need to slip out before the others, I need you to have a door way through the fence.” Lexa began. Bellamy and Raven nodded.

“Now. If this goes the way I think it might, I believe the council will detain all of you, Clarke included and force myself and our guards outside and away from the fence. I want one of you to swap places with Clarke’s guard Jynx. I need a female volunteer who won’t mind darkening her hair with soot.” Lexa continued calmly. She was pleased that they got quite a few volunteers. She stood Jynx next to each one and picked the girl closest to Jynx’s body profile and pushed the pair into one of the cells to change. When they returned, Lexa continued.

“Thank you Fox. You will pose as a guard, Briat will help you play the part, try to remain silent. You will leave with me and my guards if the council forces us out. Jynx, you will try to pretend to be a helpless sky girl so you can remain behind with Clarke and the rest as I expect the council won’t allow her to leave with me. If that happens I will be relying on all of you to protect Clarke and each other until I return with forces from Tondc. In the meantime, one of you will need to slip out of Raven and Bellamy’s gate every few hours, but be subtle. Once you’ve gotten out, Bellamy will take you to the drop ship and Tondc. Raven, Octavia, Jynx, Clarke, and any who are combat trained without the use of guns need to be the last to leave. It shouldn’t take more than three days for me to muster forces and return and most of you need to be safely away by then. This is our failsafe.” Lexa explained, getting murmurs of approval throughout the crowd.

“Today, when the Commander and I go to meet with the council, you all will start to form in ranks and march on the gates. Do not be afraid they won’t shoot you. They won’t risk it but they will bluff. Any who can fight hand to hand, stay towards the edges, those of you who can’t, stay to the center so the outer fighters can protect you. We will be leaving, one way or another.” Clarke picked up and everyone began to chant.

“Wanheda ou wamplei!” They roared in a united force. Clarke and Lexa nodded approvingly.

“Raven, get Bell out now and then we’ll take on the council.” Clarke ordered.

“Yes Ma’am.” Raven saluted, limping away with Bellamy on her heels.

“The rest of you, while she does that, pack what you will take but no guns allowed. Only cowards need guns.” Clarke snarled disgusted. The crowd nodded and hurried away. Clarke and Lexa waited for Raven and the rest of the forty seven to return before walking to the council room.

“Commander. Clarke.” Kane greeted again.

“I’ve done quite a bit of thinking. The way you treat your yongons is wrong. You send them here to die but as soon as you rejoin them, you expect to lead them again, the fences are like a cage. This is not how they will grow.” Lexa growled.

“With all due respect commander, you are naught but a child yourself.” Jaha countered. Clarke felt Lexa bristle next to her.

‘ _Wrong move chancellor.’_ She gloated mentally.

“Tell me then _Chancellor,_ how could a mere yongon unite twelve warring peoples under one flag before they had lived to see sixteen winters? How could a simple yongon make peace with and then defeat their most traitorous foe in the name of loved ones before living to see twenty winters? Point out to me a mere yongon who could accomplish these things that lives in a cage?” Lexa snarled, pausing.

“There is only one and she sits beside me in this room and shares my bed. And you would’ve had her killed for doing what was right for her people. And yet she was sent here with them to die, and protected them with her life. She fought to build an alliance with my people and I, which I was wrong to break but even still she defeated the greatest threat to my people since the bombs, alone while you were all their captives. You were angry that she left after the mountain to regain herself but expect her to bend under your will upon her return. By my side no less. We are at peace because of Clarke.” Lexa continued, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

“Chancellor! They’re massing at the gate! They won’t halt!” A guard called into the room.

“Who?” Jaha called back.

“The kids! The forty seven! They’re chanting in the grounder tongue.” The guard answered. Jaha glared at Lexa and Clarke and rose from his seat, exiting the room to see with Abby and Kane in tow. Clarke and Lexa went after them.

“Stand down and disband.” Jaha called calmly to the group.

“You first. We want out.” A voice called back.

“Marcus, what are they saying?” Abby asked Kane.

“Wanheda or death. Essentially, Clarke or death.” Kane sighed.

“You cannot. The gates will stay closed. Disband immediately or you will be detained.” Jaha continued.

“What are you going to do, lock us up? Been there, done that.” Another voice sneered back.

“Yeah!” The rest of the group roared.

“Abby, why not just let them go? If you’re right, they’ll be begging to return.” Kane suggested, but in his mind he knew better.

“What will that show the other clans if we allow a mutiny?” Abby shook her head.

“Commander, it’s time for you and your guard to leave.” Abby called.

“Very well. Come Clarke.” Lexa nodded, reaching for the blonde.

“I’m afraid not. Thank you for bringing her home Commander.” Abby smiled sweetly, grabbing Clarke’s arms firmly.

“No! Lexa!” Clarke struggled, breaking free and clinging to Lexa.

“Clarke… I’ll come back to you. You will be safe, I will not allow anything to happen to you.” Lexa purred, kissing Clarke’s forehead before two of Arcadia’s guards pulled them apart and held Clarke tightly so she couldn’t run back to Lexa. The guard escorted Lexa and her private guards, along with Clarke’s out of the gate, locking it behind them. Clarke was released and ran to the gate, pressing desperately against it to be close to the commander. This would be the longest time they’d spent apart in the almost two months since Lexa had pulled Clarke from Nia’s dungeons.

“Beja Klark. Ste yuj.” Lexa told her softly. Clarke nodded, poking her fingers through the gate’s chain links.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you enjoy this chapter. Things are about to get interesting. Three days is a long time. Thank you as always fro reading and thank you for all of the awesome comments, you guys are amazing! Keep it up! Stay tuned!  
> \- Avid


	14. Three Day Warfare: Day One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Step one: Itimidate your opponents.

Lexa felt her heart start to crack as she rode away from Arcadia with Trei, Britt, Briat, and Fox.

“Heda, do I still have to run to Tondc?” Britt asked, trying to lighten the mood.

“No. You will run when Clarke is with us.” Lexa shook her head and urged Socks into a hard run in the direction of Tondc.

Clarke whimpered softly as Lexa and the others disappeared into the trees, feeling her heart shatter. She stayed clinging hopelessly to the gate until people tried to get her to move. Abby tried first but cowered away at the words and hateful looks Clarke threw at her until she was gone. Jaha watched warily from a distance seeing Abby’s failure. Kane came to stand next to Clarke, putting a soft hand on her shoulder and murmuring an honest apology, which Clarke honored with a nod, before leaving her alone. Members of the guard were repelled easily by Octavia, Miller, Harper, Jynx, and Monroe who stood protectively around Clarke while Raven slowly managed to coax her away from the fence. They stayed in a loose but defensive circle as Raven slowly led Clarke to the Arc, keeping an arm around her friends shoulder to keep her grounded. Raven led them inside and into the mechanics bay where some of the others had relocated the tent Clarke had shared with Lexa near the corner.

“She’ll be back soon princess and we’ll be free of this hell hole.” Raven promised, letting Clarke disappear into the tent. Jynx followed, sitting just inside the flaps. She was relieved when Clarke curled up in the panther fur and fell asleep.

“Will she be ok?” Octavia asked Raven softly. Raven shrugged.

“Clarke’s strong. She has us, and her guard. The commander won’t leave her behind. Not after everything.” Raven replied. Three of the forty seven slipped out to meet Bellamy through Ravens gate by the time night had fallen on Arcadia. Monty, Octavia, and Raven woke Clarke up for the dinner they’d brought her and got her to eat some of it before letting her go back to sleep. Jynx nodded her thanks to the three as they left. She was pleased that Clarke had so many to help her heal. As the lights dimmed for night time, Raven and Octavia worked out a guard schedule for those who knew how to fight so that four groups of four were constantly rotating in a route around Raven’s gate and Clarke. Raven also figured out a schedule to allow people to slip out her gate during the night, they’d wait in the woods where Bellamy or one of the others would meet them around dawn and guide them to the drop ship.

Sometime after midnight, screams shook the Arc. Raven hurried to the tent where Jynx was holding and murmuring comforts in both trig and English to a squirming Clarke. Raven heard Octavia enter the bay and hurry to join them in the tent while all sixteen of their sentinels stood guard in a firm wall outside the bay. Jynx had managed to cause Clarke to quiet for the time being, but the still sleeping girl squirmed and whimpered in distress in her hold.

“Beja Skai prisa… Reshwe, all is well.” _Rest in peace._ Jynx promised, rocking them gently. She remembered how bad Lexa’s night terrors had become when Costia had been taken.

“You’re ok Clarke. You’re safe. We’re here.” Raven murmured, taking Clarke’s hands and holding them firmly.

“I thought she was getting better…” Octavia sighed, pulling the panther fur up around Clarke’s shoulders once she’d calmed.

“She was. She is. The commander was helping her heal.” Raven replied.

“I will remain here in case she starts again.” Jynx told them. Octavia and Raven nodded and returned to their beds after dealing with the sentinels. Nearly two hours later, screams echoed around the Arc again and Octavia and Raven hurried back to Clarke’s side to help Jynx calm the girl again. This time Clarke pulled away from them, eyes open but glassy as she scooted back against the wall her breathing coming out in uneven pants.

“Clarke… Easy…” Raven said slowly, raising her hands in a non threatening gesture.

“Oh shit…” Octavia cursed.

“What is it?” Jynx asked softly, not taking her eyes off Clarke.

“Abby’s outside and she wants in.” Octavia told them.

“Keep her away. Go out there and stall. Jynx and I will handle Clarke.” Raven ordered. Octavia nodded, grabbing her sword from where it sat by the door.

“Clarkey… Princess… I know you’re scared, but you’re safe… Come here.” Raven coaxed gently, slowly moving closer.

“Rae…” Clarke choked out, tears starting to stream down her cheeks.

“I’m right here. O is outside fending off your demon of a mother but she’d here for you too.” Raven smiled softly. Clarke made a noise that came out as a sob mixed with a laugh.

“Come here Clarke. It’s ok. You’re alright.” Raven soothed, moving closer still, holding out her arms to the blonde.

“I was in the dungeons again…” Clarke sobbed, moving over to Raven who wrapped her in a secure embrace.

“She’s dead Clarke. You’re in Arcadia. Which arguably is like a dungeon but they feed you better.” Raven joked gently, winning another half laugh half sob from Clarke.

“She’s so far away… The furs still smell like her…” Clarke whimpered as more tears escaped her. Jynx moved close enough to stroke her hair.

“Heda will return soon with forces from Tondc. Indra will come for Octavia too. In the meantime, you have people who love you here too. Let us help you.” Jynx reminded softly and Clarke nodded against Raven’s shoulder.

“I-I’m sorry… You’re supposed to be my guard… Not my baby sitter…” Clarke sniffled miserably. Jynx merely smiled at her.

“I didn’t understand at first, why Heda, why Lexa assigned me of all people as one of your guards. But I understand now Skai Prisa.” Jynx began slowly.

“Wh-why?” Clarke asked.

“I was there with Anya and Gustos when Costia was taken from Heda. I was one who helped her through her darkness… Her rage. Anya, Gustos, and I helped put Lexa back together… She isn’t the same as she was before, but she is closer to whole than not. You are very similar to how she was then, though more composed and unpredictable.” Jynx continued. Clarke listened intently to the woman speak.

“She must’ve been bad…” Clarke mumbled. Jynx smiled but nodded.

“We will all put you back together Clarke. You just have to want to heal. And you’ve come so far…” Raven added. Clarke nodded and pulled away from Raven. She tucked herself under the panther fur and sighed sadly.

“I’m ok now…” Clarke whispered.

“Ok. Jynx will be here and I won’t be far. I’ll go see if O got rid of your mom.” Raven patted her back gently before pushing to her feet and leaving the tent.

“Muchof…” Clarke murmured.

“Pro.” Jynx replied, sitting next to Clarke and running her hand up and down the girls back until she was asleep again. To everyone’s relief, Clarke slept through the rest of the night and into the morning without issue. Octavia woke Clarke up and with Jynx’s help, persuaded her to try and eat some of it and then get changed. Clarke grudgingly agreed and changer into new clothes before leaving the tent.

“Morning princess. Last night four more of our people got out successfully. If I’ve crunched the number right, minus our sixteen sentinels and you, O, and I, that leaves nineteen more we need to get out of here by the time the commander returns.” Raven reported thoughtfully. Clarke nodded.

“We need to have four leave before the sun sets and then three tonight.” Clarke ordered. Octavia nodded, throwing in a playful salute before leaving spreading the plan to the sentinels who would pass it on to everyone else.

“Are you alright, skai prisa?” Jynx asked, watching her closely.

“It’s Clarke, and no. But I have to be until I can return to the commander’s side.” Clarke shrugged. Jynx nodded, understanding the words.

“I will assist you in any way you need me to. After all, I am posing as one of your people.” Jynx grinned.

“Mochof.” Clarke gave her a grateful smile in return.

“Pro, Clarke.” Jynx bowed her head.

“I need you to stay here with Raven and plan our exit strategy. Today is day one. By day three, Lexa and her forces will be on their way here. You work with Raven to plan day four, when Lexa and Indra are outside the gates. Try to figure out what they may do so we can react appropriately. There will only be twenty of us including yourself inside this compound. Make that work.” Clarke decided. Raven nodded and Jynx paused.

“Is there a map or lay out of Arcadia we have access to? I will do better if I have a grasp of our terrane.” Jynx asked and Raven grinned.

“I like the way you think. Come on I’ll show you.” Raven nodded, leading her across the room. Clarke nodded to no one and exited the room, unsurprised to find Harper, Monroe, and Octavia falling in around her as her guards.

“Where to Clarke?” Monroe asked.

“The sparring ground. Let’s show them who they’re fucking with.” Clarke replied. She smirked as she heard the cracking of knuckles.

“Hell yeah! Let’s do this.” Octavia exclaimed enthusiastically. Harper chuckled from behind Clarke and they began to walk, Octavia keeping a firm grip on the hilt of her sword. They met members of the guard as they reached their destination, being halted by one such person.

“You can’t have that here. I’m afraid I need to confiscate it to be locked in the armory.” The man told Octavia, pointing to her sword. The young warrior growled.

“Try to take it and I can nearly guarantee you’ll find it lodged in your gut quite firmly. And if I direct her right, she’ll pull it out in a way that’ll make you bleed out quicker than you can call my mother.” Clarke warned calmly. She felt the corners of her mouth turn up in a smirk as the man’s face paled and he stepped aside.

“Silly guard.” Octavia laughed. When they secured the ring, Octavia handed her blade in its sheath off to Harper and pulled out two wooden training swords she’d gotten from Tondc.

“Let’s train Clarke.” Octavia told her, tossing the blonde one. Clarke was surprised how easily she caught it at the handle. She nodded the two took their stances, each sizing the other up before they struck. The wooden blades crashed against each other loudly as Clarke and Octavia sparred. Clarke slowly began to see holes in Octavia’s defense and exploited them, her attacks becoming a barrage of hacking motions that forced Octavia to block her head and step back as Clarke moved forward. She nearly missed when Clarke tried to sweep out her feet but barely deflected it, allowing Clarke to knock her training sword from her hand. Octavia held her hands up in surrender.

“Where did you learn to fight?” Octavia asked confused.

“When I was out in the woods, I ran into someone and they taught me to take care of myself. They were pretty angry most of the time and I couldn’t see their face or get a name but what they taught me kept me alive.” Clarke explained, bending over to catch her breath. They moved out of the way to allow Harper and Monroe to use the ring to train as well. Miller and Monty brought the four lunch, reporting that two had gotten out so far and the next two were ready for Raven’s signal. Clarke nodded and they went away to resume whatever they’d been doing before. The four stayed at the sparring ground until dinner, when Monroe and Harper peeled away, promising to bring food by the mechanic bay.

“Hey girls.” Raven greeted as the pair entered the room.

“Hey.” Octavia nodded. Clarke nodded in greeting too but walked past them to collapse on top of the pillows in the corner.

“Clarke?” Raven called after her.

“Mmm?” Clarke hummed back.

“You ok?” Raven continued.

“Tired.” Clarke huffed and the mechanic grinned.

“Me too.” Octavia sighed, flopping down next to Clarke. Clarke laughed as the warrior cuddled into her side with a content noise.

“O? Where’s Lincoln?” Clarke asked. She didn’t remember seeing the grounder man since she’d arrived.

“He got out with Bell yesterday.” Octavia told her.

“Guess we both have someone waiting for us.” Clarke sighed. She felt Octavia nod. Harper brought dinner by and the four ate their fill before Octavia and Clarke returned to their previous position on the pillows. When Raven and Jynx looked over next, the two warriors were comfortably asleep.

“Guess we should just leave them like that then.” Raven shrugged. Jynx nodded but went to retrieve the panther fur from the tent and draped it over the girls before getting comfortable herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's the next chapter, I hope you guys enjoyed it. This is day one of Clarke and Lexa being apart. We won't really hear about what Lexa's been up to until day three-ish. In the mean time, I hope you all stay with me here. Thank you as always for reading, and thank you to those who have commented so far, I love hearing back from you guys!  
> \- Avid


	15. Three Day Warfare: Day Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke starts to loose her grip

To their surprise and relief, Clarke slept through the night. It seemed that Octavia cuddling with her did the trick for the time being. It was Octavia who woke Clarke in the morning for the breakfast Raven had gotten them. Clarke however refused to eat, feeling nauseous at the thought of food.

“We got three out last night. We just need to get six more out today and tomorrow and we’ll be ready for day four. We’ll send three while the sun is up and three under cover of darkness.” Raven reported.

“Good. We need to stay on track.” Clarke agreed, moving toward the door. No one stopped her as she wandered around Arcadia. The sentinels followed her to guard her but they could all tell something was off and gave her space. She hardly noticed as the day passed around her as she wandered Arcadia stopping to stare out the gate, some part of her hoping to see green eyes and war paint.

‘ _Where is your protector now sky girl?’_ Nia cackled in her mind.

“Gon we.” _Go away._ Clarke growled softly.

‘ _She left you here alone. She will never want you. No one will ever want you. You are the reason they die.’_ Nia’s voice continued.

“Gon. We.” Clarke snarled angrily, shaking her head clear as memories from mount weather started to replay before her eyes.

‘ _Their screams still haunt you. The dead are hungry.’_ Nia purred in her ear.

“Bants ai soulou!” _Leave me alone!_ Clarke roared, unaware of the noise she was making as she gripped her daggers tightly in her palms.

“You are not real, your words have no weight. You cannot hurt me. Be gone.” Clarke continued angrily. Nia laughed but the voice disappeared.

“Clarke? You’re bleeding! You need to come back to the infirmary with me so I can see how bad it is!” Abby exclaimed, grabbing her arm. It was then that Clarke felt the burning pain across her palms as she realized she’d been squeezing her daggers blades.

“Get away! I’ll take care of it. You can’t not care one minute and then suddenly be worried the next!” Clarke snarled, pointing one of the small bloodied blades at her mother as she broke free of the grip on her arm.

“Sentinels! Kom ai!” _To me!_ Clarke called out. From nowhere, four of her sentinels appeared and circled protectively around her, keeping Abby away.

“Raven.” Clarke mumbled feeling dizzy. They four quickly escorted her to the mechanic bay.

“Clarke? Shit you’re bleeding! What happened? What did you do?” Octavia demanded, pulling Clarke over to the desk where Raven was working and pushing her to sit on the stool Octavia had just risen from.

“Jynx! We need you!” Raven called. The dark haired grounder hurried over and gently coaxed Clarke into letting go of the blades and opening her hands. She gave the daggers to Octavia to deal with and examined Clarke’s hands.

“Ok. It’s ok. Just sit still.” Jynx told Clarke gently. The blonde nodded, still out of it.

“I need a bowl or basin or tray of some sort, let me grab the kit from the tent.” Jynx ordered, dashing back towards the tent. Raven found a metal bowl and set it next to Clarke as Jynx returned with a roll of leather. She unfurled it on the desk and looked quickly through the supplies, picking up a small flask of what looked like alcohol first.

“Clarke, take a drink of this first.” Jynx told her, opening the flask and holding it to her lips. Clarke did as she was told, relishing in the burn the drink left in its wake.

“Good girl. This is going to sting but you need to stay still. I’ll take care of you.” Jynx warned, waiting for another nod before continuing. When Clarke nodded, she poured more of the flask over the deep gashes on Clarke’s palms, relived that the daggers only had one edge and not two or they would’ve done horrible damage to the sky girls’ fingers. Clarke hissed as the burning but soft words from Jynx kept her still.

“This may sting too but not as badly, ok? Take another sip Clarke.” Jynx told her, holding the flask to Clarke’s lips again and praising her softly as she drained more of the amber liquid.

“Good. I’m going to start closing these.” Jynx warned, threading the needle. Clarke nodded and let her work as a warm haze washed over her senses from her stomach. She hardly felt the stitches as Jynx worked.

“There. Let me just wrap these and then we’re done ok? One more sip Clarke.” Jynx purred, letting Clarke drain the rest of the flask. When she was done, Jynx wrapped Clarke’s hands with a soft strip of gauze before slipping her hands into a thin pair of fingerless gloves.

“We’ll keep these on until tomorrow ok?” Jynx asked. Clarke nodded sluggishly. Jynx packed up the kit, tucking the empty flask away and tucked the roll of leather back into the tent before returning to Clarke.

“Good girl. Let’s get you to the corner. Riden, Clarke.” _Sleep, Clarke._ Jynx said firmly, lifting the smaller girl with ease and moving her over to the pillows. Jynx sat with her back against the wall, setting Clarke down so her head rested against one of the warriors thighs. She pulled the panther fur over Clarke and ran gentle fingers through her hair until she fell asleep.

“Wow. I haven’t seen anyone able to handle Clarke like that except Lexa and maybe Aden on a good day.” Raven whistled, amazed.

“Clarke is much like Heda was when Costia was taken. She just requires a soft but firm hand. The lost want direction, they just don’t know how to find it on their own. The alcohol helped but she was already out of it.” Jynx shrugged.

“Will she be ok?” Octavia asked, coming to sit with them.

“Sha. She just needs to sleep.” Jynx assured them. Octavia sat with Jynx and Clarke for a while before rising to clean and sharpen Clarke’s daggers. As the sun set Clarke began to squirm and whimper in her sleep, in clear discomfort.

“You’re ok… Shh…” Raven soothed, coming over to help. With their combined efforts, Clarke calmed and quieted again, Octavia coming over to curl up under the panther fur next to her. Jynx left the two alone, satisfied that Clarke would sleep through the night.

‘ _Just like Lexa. She just needs a warm body to tame her nightmares.’_ Jynx smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's day two! It's slightly short but a lot is going to be happening in the next few chapters. Thank you as always for reading and to you amazing people who have been leaving comments, thank you too! You guys rock so much! Stay tuned and keep it coming, your comments give me life at this point! I'm so glad people actually like this!  
> \- Avid


	16. Three Day Warfare: Day Three and Beyond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rise of Kane

The next morning, Octavia shook Clarke awake urgently.

“What?” Clarke protested sleepily.

“Clarke someones here to see you, don’t worry he brought breakfast as an apology.” Octavia told her. Clarke sat up and stretched before nodding. To her susprise, Octavia disappeared for a few seconds, reappearing with Raven, Jynx, and Kane in tow. As promised, Kane brought with him a tray laden with breakfast.

“Let me check your hands and then you can eat.” Jynx spoke softly as she passed Clarke to grab the kit from the tent. Clarke nodded and the others sat in front of her.

“Kane?” Clarke asked confused.

“You were right Clarke. I need to work harder at controlling Abby and Thelonius. I’m sorry things happened like this… I wanted to let you leave, to let all of you go but those two were too set in their ways. You and the commander are right Clarke. We aren’t in the sky anymore but Abby and Jaha don’t recognize that.” Kane apologized. Clarke nodded, holding her hands out for Jynx as the warrior returned.

“Today we’re holding and election for the chancellor pin and I’ve come to beg you to get your forty seven, your gonakru kom waplei to cast their votes with me. When I win you all can leave, I know the commander will be back and it will be less than pleasant for us if you are further detained. I want peace and if that means losing all of you because you want to leave then so be it. But know that when I’m chancellor, those gates will be open for any who want to visit or return, you all will be free to come and go as you please here. I want peace Clarke. Please consider my words.” Kane continued.

“We’ll call a meeting and consider it. Thank you Kane. But know that if you don’t keep you word or if you have only used us that I personally will lay waste to everything you love.” Clarke replied with a nod.

“That would be justified. I will leave you to ponder it then. Thank you for listening to me.” Kane rose to his feet and left the room.

“He speaks true. I heard him arguing with Abby the day Lexa left.” Octavia admitted once he was gone.

“He does want peace. If he really is willing to let us leave than he is better than Jaha and my mother already. Call up everyone who’s left and tell them what’s going on. Leave it up to them to decide.” Clarke decided, thanking Jynx once the warrior pulled the gloves back over her palms. They ate the breakfast Kane had brought for them and joined the rest of the Arc around a stage that had been built. Three boxes, each with a different name were set in front of the stage and Abby, Kane, and Jaha all stood on the platform, waiting to have their turn to address the people of Arcadia. It took hours but each of the three gave their speeches and then left the stage, disappearing back into the Arc to allow the people to cast their votes. The outcome would be announced at dinner.

                Clarke and Jynx stayed near the stage, watching as all of the remaining forty seven cast their vote with Kane along with a surprising number of others. At dinner, Kane was announced the new chancellor and sworn in in front of everyone. He thanked the people for their support and promised to take his first actions the following day. Clarke retreated to the mechanics bay and curled up in the corner under the panther fur.

                “Clarke… Clarke wake up!” Raven shook her. Clarke groaned in protest.

                “Jynx, she’s burning up. What’s going on?” She heard voices wonder.

                “The commander is at the gates… We need to move. It’s nearly dawn.” Jynx reminded, pulling Clarke gently into her arms.

                “Octavia, go tell the commander what’s up with Clarke and Kane. Tell her to hold off until the sun rises so we can see if he’ll keep his word.” Raven ordered, watching Clarke. Octavia nodded and hurried off to Raven’s gate. They shook Clarke awake again a few hours later.

                “Clarkey we know you feel like shit but you need to get up and at least pretend you don’t. We think we know what’s wrong.” Raven urged softly. Clarke whimpered but found the energy to sit up.

“That’s it. Good job. Its ten am. Lexa is outside the gates and Kane gave us the signal, it’s time to move.” Raven continued, helping Clarke to her feet. Jynx helped Clarke get changed before Raven led them out of the mechanics bay with a bag over her shoulder.

“You gotta lead the twenty of us that are left. Right to the gate. Then you can get back to the commander.” Raven told her as Jynx moved to stand at Clarke’s right. Raven kept to her left and all sixteen of their sentinels fell in behind the three as they walked toward the gates. Each had a bag on their back or over their shoulder. Clarke stopped a few yards in front of the gate and looked challengingly to where Kane stood flanked by Abby and Jaha. He nodded with a smile.

“Open the gates! Let them pass.” Kane ordered. People hurried to do as he’d said.

“What are you doing?!” Abby demanded.

“You’re just going to let them go? What about our people?” Jaha growled angrily. Kane shook his head.

“I am doing this for our people! That army would decimate us. Guards, bring council member Jaha to lock up and confine doctor Griffin to the med bay.” Kane ordered.

“Yes sir.” The men nodded and did as they were told. When the two were gone, Kane walked over to where Clarke stood.

“Let’s go greet the Commander then.” Kane told her. Clarke nodded and they moved past the gates of Arcadia. Lexa dismounted her horse and stood waiting for them. Clarke wasted no time running to her and pretty much jumping into her arms. Lexa caught her easily and held her tightly.

“You’re ok now.” Lexa purred, keeping one arm around Clarke’s hips and the other gently around Clarke’s shoulders, her hand resting in soft golden curls. She held Clarke close against her, keeping the girl’s head against her shoulder.

“Commander.” Kane greeted hesitantly.

“Marcus Kane.” Lexa replied, narrowing her eyes.

“I’m sorry for what happened. I am the chancellor of my people now and the responsible parties are being dealt with. The gates will always be open to you and the gonakru kom wamplei, they are free to come and go as they please. Please tell them that.” Kane apologized sincerely. Lexa nodded and extended the arm that had been around Clarke’s hips.

“Muchof. For peace. I look forward to being able to return.” Lexa stated.

“Pro. We will enjoy having you again.” Kane nodded, taking her forearm in the warriors hold. When both let go, Kane wished them well and returned into Arcadia. Lexa let Raven and Octavia oversee the remainder of the forty seven’s trip to the drop ship, granting both girls horses.

“Heda.” Indra called.

“Maun op. Tondc. We will follow. I believe Britt still owes me a run.” Lexa ordered. Indra led the troops back towards Tondc as Britt dismounted, allowing Jynx his mare.

“Come Clarke. Let’s go home…” Lexa suggested. She felt Clarke tremble against her and waited silently for the girl’s tears to dry.

“All is well. You’re ok ai niron. Let us return to Tondc so you can rest.” Lexa soothed. She smiled when she felt a soft nod against her shoulder. Britt helped Clarke into Sock’s saddle and Lexa climbed up behind her, wrapping her arms around the blond as she took the reins and began the ride to Tondc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I told you Kane's a good guy! Here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you as always for reading and thank you to everyone who's been leaving me comments, you guys are the best and I love hearing from you! Keep it up and stay tuned I'll have more up as soon as I can!  
> \- Avid


	17. There Ain't No Rest For The Wicked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke being difficult mostly

Clarke was asleep against her by the time they arrived at the village and Briat helped Lexa get Clarke off the horse. Clarke woke up slightly when her feet touched the ground and whined sleepily in protest. She’d been comfortable.

“Be still skai prisa.” Briat murmured gently before handing her off to Lexa. Lexa left Trei and Briat to deal with the horses while she set off towards the dwelling meant for the commander with Jynx and a winded Britt in tow. She kept Clarke cradled against her chest as they entered before setting her down in the furs of the bed. Lexa stripped out of her armor, content that everything was taken care of as she remembered she’d sent a rider on their way to King Roan in the Azgeda territory already.

When Octavia had come to her that morning, they’d come to the conclusion that Clarke was poisoned by an Ice nation toxin favored by Ontari. It was extremely slow acting but lethal and Lexa only had a blurry idea of how Clarke was even still alive at this point. She made a mental note to ask Titus when she returned to Polis. She curled up under the furs next to Clarke, finally relaxing for the first time in days.

Lexa woke up the next day to find Clarke squirming uncomfortably under the furs and burning with a fever. Lexa called for one of her guards to retrieve a fever reducer from the village healer as she wet a rag with water from the basin across the room and brought it back to the bed to wipe Clarke’s forehead in an attempt to cool her down in the meantime. Trei knocked on the door almost ten minutes later with a steaming mug of bitter smelling liquid in hand. Lexa took it with a nod and nearly forced the liquid down Clarke’s throat with more than a few apologies. She knew the toxin was progressing and Clarke would have to take the reducer at least once a day until she could be given the antidote. Clarke looked at Lexa blearily as she became more awake.

Clarke watched through a blurred glass as the commander strode around issuing orders left and right, the noise sounding distant to Clarke until Lexa returned to her side on the bed, then the world sharpened.

“How are you feeling?” Lexa asked gently, stroking blonde locks fondly.

“Weak… Tired… What’s…?” Clarke mumbled dizzily.

“Poison. One of Ontari’s personal favorites. You should be dead right now… But it’s a good thing you aren’t… Roan is working on finding the anti-toxin but… If he doesn’t soon, we may have to ride to the azgeda lands for their healers to have a better look at you…” Lexa explained, finishing gently. She felt her heart crack as Clarke’s eyes widened in fear as the girl shook her head.

“I’d rather that not happen either.” Lexa agreed with a sigh.

“I’m ok…” Clarke protested, pushing herself into a sitting position and then to her feet. She swayed dizzily for a few seconds before slowly moving about the home.

“Don’t force yourself Clarke… No one thinks you are weak. As I said, it should’ve killed you by now but it hasn’t and we aren’t truly sure why yet.” Lexa warned softly, moving over to Clarke’s side again and wrapping her arms around the sky girl. Clarke hummed contently at the contact and rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder, relishing in the warmth of the other body.

“You’re ok… I won’t let you die Clarke… I’ll protect you always.” Lexa purred.

“I know… Ai hod yu in.” _I love you._ Clarke mumbled, clinging softly to her. Lexa helped her dress before getting her own leathers on.

“The forty seven…” Clarke tried faintly.

“Raven, Octavia, and Bellamy are with them overseeing things for now. Octavia will be back tomorrow to continue her training with Indra.” Lexa replied.

“Jynx… I need her to… She needs to…” Clarke continued. Lexa looked at her confused but called for the woman.

“Heda.” Jynx nodded.

“Clarke says she needs you to do something?” Lexa asked trying not to sound confused.

“Clarke?” Jynx asked.

“You need to…” Clarke mumbled reaching for Jynx and almost falling as another wave of dizziness almost took her feet from under her. Lexa hurried forward and caught the blonde before she fell.

“Heda could’ve taken care of your palms, Clarke.” Jynx told her softly, understanding what the girl had meant.

“What do you mean?” Lexa demanded. Clarke winced at her tone and whimpered, tucking her hands against her chest. Jynx’s eyes widened as she began to understand.

“You didn’t tell her? Clarke…” Jynx sighed.

“Didn’t tell me what? Ron ai ridiyo op, Jynx.” _Speak true, Jynx._ Lexa growled softly.

“Sha heda. Moba Clarke. While we were in Arkadia Clarke injured her palms on her daggers. I don’t know what happened but she ended up gripping the blades tight enough for them to bite into her hands.” _Forgive me Clarke._ Jynx admitted, apologizing softly.

“Muchof.” Lexa sighed, looking at Clarke who had pulled away to hide near the bed once her dizziness had abated.

“Pro. I’m going to go back outside to let you two talk.” Jynx said moving towards the door and then leaving.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked softly after the door had closed. Clarke was silent, keeping her hands against her chest.

“Clarke… What happened niron? Why didn’t you tell me..?” Lexa continued gently, slowly moving closer.

“I’ve been doing so well… I was ok…” Clarke began in a whisper.

“Sha, you’ve been healing.” Lexa nodded, moving closer still until she was able to pull Clarke into her arms.

“I-I’ve been doing so well… And as soon as you leave it gets worse again and I felt so weak… I hate it! I don’t want to be weak… I didn’t want you to see…” Clarke’s words came out in an angry but anguished sob.

“Clarke, you are still healing. It won’t just go away overnight… You are not weak. I’ve never seen you as anything but strong. You’re always so strong Clarke… You don’t need to hide things from me…” Lexa soothed, beginning to understand. Clarke buried her face against Lexa’s shoulder as the tears kept coming. Lexa held her and murmured soft comforts in trig and English until Clarke calmed again.

“Would you like me to call for Jynx again for your palms?” Lexa asked gently. Clarke shook her head against Lexa’s shoulder.

“They need to be taken care of.” Lexa reminded.

“Yu… Beja…” Clarke mumbled.

“Ok.” Lexa nodded, gently prying Clarke off of her and sitting the blonde down on the bed. Clarke held out shaky hands wrapped in gauze for her when she came back with a kit.

“Shh… It’s ok Clarke. I’m right here.” Lexa soothed, holding Clarke’s hands between her own until she stopped shaking. Lexa gently unwrapped the gauze on Clarke’s left hand, checking Jynx’s stitches before spreading some of the kits salve evenly over them and rewrapping the wound with gauze. Lexa kissed Clarke’s left palm before repeating the entire process with the right one.

“I’m sorry…” Clarke murmured, tearing up again.

“You’re ok Clarke. You’ve done nothing worth apologizing for.” Lexa shook her head, pulling Clarke back into her arms. She gently wiped the tears from Clarke’s eyes and pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

“I killed children Lexa… I killed thirteen innocents…” Clarke whimpered.

“Clarke…” Lexa began but found herself unsure of what to say next.

“I can’t make peace with it… I need to pay my penance for them…” Clarke whispered.

“If that’s what you feel will help you heal…” Lexa sighed as she felt Clarke nod against her chest.

“That’s why your people have kill marks isn’t it?” Clarke asked, looking up at her. Lexa nodded, no longer trusting her voice.

“Then that’s what I want… Maybe then I can sleep…” Clarke mused with a yawn, falling back asleep against Lexa’s chest a few minutes later.

“I swear you are going to be the death of me one day Clarke…” Lexa muttered to herself as she laid back down on the furs and stared up at the ceiling. She had a feeling they’d talk about it more when Clarke woke again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there guys! Sorry this took so long, my writers block has been fucking me up but here's the next chapter. I hope to have the next one up soon. Thanks as always for reading and thank you to everyone who left me a comment, you guys are awesome. I hope to hear more from you guys, stay tuned and stay safe.  
> \- Avid  
> (P.S. Its really late here so I hope all of those sentences up there made sense cuz I'm tired. If not well I'm sorry.  
> \- Avid)


	18. Hidden truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have some fluff for now, Lexa has a lot to think about.  
> Clarke's a total cuddle slut,  
> Raven and Octavia have no complaints about that.

While Clarke slept, Lexa alternated between reading and resting. Every so often, Indra or one of the guards would stop in to check on them and give updated on the forty seven. Lexa was glad to here that they were settling in well. To her surprise, Raven joined them in the home a few hours later.

"Raven?" Lexa asked confused.

"Your guards, and Clarke's guards, and Indra sent a rider for me or Octavia. O was busy helping Bellamy so I came here. They all decided that I was the best person to lay with Clarke in case you wanted to get up and do commandery things, I'm sure there are some to do." Raven shrugged, pulling a chair up by the bed.

"Jokas." Fuckers. Lexa muttered, running a hand through her braids.

"What's wrong commander? You seem upset, and not just with them." Raven pointed out. Lexa was quiet for minute or two before sighing.

"Clarke... She didn't tell me about her palms. Jynx had to. She's still agonizing over the mountain Raven... Over the kids. She said that if she got kill marks for them she'd be able to sleep again... What am I supposed to do...?" Lexa wondered. She hated admitting her problems to anyone but so far, Raven has only ever tried to help.

"Yeah that sounds like our Clarkey. She didn't want to seem weak right?" Raven guessed. Lexa nodded slowly, looking at Raven with confusion.

"It's one of the reasons she ran away after the mountain. She couldn't handle, but she also didn't want to appear weak. Clarke's always had to be strong for us since we landed. It's shitty, but that's how it's been. As to the other bit, jus drein jus daun right? Clarke's like pure emotion. It's part of what makes her such a great leader and person. I've heard your people say that if life has no meaning, death has no cost or something of the sort. Maybe that's how it is for her. Talk to her about it more when she's awake. She'll be ok. She has you, Lexa." Raven explained. Lexa nodded again and sat up.

"I... I need to think. You'll stay with her?" Lexa asked. Raven nodded and moved to sit on the bed as Lexa left the home.

"Nothin' but trouble you are, Clarke. But then again, what trouble we'd be in without you." Raven chuckled to herself as Clarke moved closer in her sleep.

Lexa felt Britt and Trei fall in behind her as she left the home, but ignored them and roamed around the village, taking care of anything that required her attention.

Clarke began to whimper softly as she came too again, as if protesting waking up. Jynx handed a mug of fever reducer to Raven as soon as Clarke began to stir and Raven easily got Clarke to drink it before she was wide awake.

"R-Rae?" Clarke yawned.

"The one and only, princess." Raven grinned.

"Where's..?" The blonde asked nervously.

"You're ok. She went to deal with commander stuff while you were asleep. You gave her a lot to think about from what I heard." Raven soothed, instantly noting Clarke's distress.

"Oh..." Clarke mumbled, looking down at her hands. She gripped the furs in balled fists.

"She doesn't want to see you physically hurt again... Lexa saw first hand what they did to you... And I think it tore her up..." Raven explained gently.

"I can't sleep Raven... They're always there... Even on the good nights... Asking my where their parents are... Or why I killed them... And sometimes... Sometimes we're in one of the class rooms sitting in a circle and they tell me one by one what they want to be when they're adults... And then they burn right in front of me... Again and again they burn..." Clarke whispered brokenly.

"Clarke..." Raven began but stopped. She didn't know what to say to that.

"Sometimes... Sometimes in the dungeons... I'd remember them... And then I'd think that everything she did... Everything that was happening... That I deserved it... Raven I took their futures... Took their lives... I'd think 'Why should I walk free?' And I'd just accept it. I just accepted it. I only ever tried to escape once..." Clarke continued in the same hallow tone.

"No. You didn't deserve any of that bullshit. It was us or them Clarke. You did what you had to do. You did what you had to do. What we do to survive does not define us." Raven told her firmly, pulling the blonde into her arms. She felt Clarke return the hold gently, and slowly rocked the two of them until Clarke seemed calmer.

"Are you two ok?" Octavia asked, hurrying to ditch her armor at the table and join them on the bed.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were still helping Bell?" Raven asked softly with a smile.

"We finished not long after you left so I hauled ass here." Octavia shrugged, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"O..?" Clarke asked weakly, reaching one arm toward her.

"Right here." Octavia promised, wrapping her arms around Clarke and Raven.

"Hang on, as cozy as this is, let's lay down." Raven suggested. Octavia nodded and they both released Clarke who whimper softly in protest at lack of both heat and contact. She wished for Lexa but for now was content with her two closest friends. They let Clarke get comfortable before curling up to gently sandwich her between them.

"We're here for you Clarkey. There aren't any pillows of furs for a corner her so this will have to do." Octavia joked.

"Mhmm." Clarke hummed in response. Raven and Octavia chatted quietly once Clarke had drifted off again.

"I'm not really surprised." Octavia shrugged after Raven filled her in on the situation.

Lexa returned not long later and was surprised at the sight that greeted her. Clarke was curled up between both Raven and Octavia. Octavia was blissfully asleep and Raven drowsily alternated between running her fingers through both Clarke and Octavia's hair with one hand while the other was propped against the back of her head as she lay on her side.

"When did Octavia get here?" Lexa asked softly as she got closer to the bed.

"Not long after me. We couldn't make a corner so we gave Clarke a cuddle pile. Hope that's ok cuz it's too late now." Raven yawned, looking over at Lexa.

"I'm glad you two can help her. Aden isn't here so I'm glad. Did she wake at all?" Lexa admitted.

"Yeah. She was up for a bit before O got in and Jynx and I gave her more of whatever was in that mug. Something for the fever I'm guessing. She's really hurting over the mountain... Clarke said some fucked up stuff before O got here." Raven replied.

"What do you mean?" Lexa asked concerned, coming to sit at the foot of the bed.

"About the kids in the mountain... She said that while Nia was torturing her, that sometimes she'd think about the kids and then accept whatever was happening as her penance for their lives. I'm worried Lexa." The mechanic sighed.

"Thank you Raven. Jynx is coming with dinner. She'll bring enough for you and Octavia too. I'm surprised Octavia managed to get here without Indra seeing her. Not even I was that good at first." Lexa noted.

"Well she did spend most of her life trying not to be found so... I guess it's just second nature." Raven shrugged. Lexa nodded quietly. The two sat in a comfortable silence until Jynx arrives with dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm so sorry about the wait but I'm totally back now, next bit. Thank you to every one who commented, urging and encouraging me to update! You all are so great. I've read the requests, they'll come into play soon within the next chapters, if you have anymore send them in. I hope to hear more from you awesome people, thank you for your patience. My computers been dead so I'm updating from my iPad now. We are back bitches.
> 
> Thank you for reading,
> 
> \- Avid


	19. Aparently Sky Girls Like to Drink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess what happens.

After Jynx had set dinner down on the table and left, Raven woke Octavia and the two of them moved to the table, leaving Clarke to Lexa.

"Clarke... Dinners here. Come eat with us niron." Lexa purred, gently coaxing Clarke awake.

"L-Lexa..?" Clarke murmured sleepily, reaching for her.

"I'm here. Wake up so you can eat." Lexa smiled, pulling Clarke into her arms. Clarke made herself comfortable and looked drowsily up at the commander.

"But 'm comfortable here..." Clarke whined softly in protest.

"I know. _Beja Klark_ , just for a while and then you can rest again." Lexa promised, bringing them away from the bed.

"Fine..." Clarke pouted, squirming until Lexa let her get her feet under her. She stumbled to the table and waited for Lexa to sit too before eating with the other two. Lexa was glad Clarke hadn't lost her appetite to the toxin yet and the four easily cleared the table. Lexa gathered up the dishes and brought them out to one of the guards. She did one last sweep of the village for the night and returned to the house. She didn't know why she was surprised that in her absence the three sky girls had found and broken into the liquor cabinet. An empty jug lay on its side near where the three sat on the floor, already intoxicated.

In their defense, grounder liquor was much harder than even Monty's moonshine on a bad day and it had hit them quickly. It had been Raven and Octavia's idea.

Lexa had known the cabinet was there from one of her predecessors, but never touched it nor paid it any mind herself. She and Costia had experimented with liquor before and the punishment she'd gotten from both Anya and the hang over the next day was enough to assure Lexa that it wasn't for her. A lesson she was sure Octavia would be learning the next day from Indra. Indra had trained Anya after all.

"The commanders back!" Raven greeted, giggling.

"Join us!" Octavia grinned, patting the spot between her and Clarke. Lexa sighed at sat down.

"You'll be learning a firm lesson tomorrow Octavia. Indra doesn't take kindly to hung over sekens." Lexa told her.

"Indra?! Oh shit where?!" Octavia screeched, trying to hide under the carpet. It was clear she'd only pulled a few words from Lexa's sentence in her drunken state.

"Nowhere dummy. Lexa was saying you're in for it tomorrow." Raven scolded, pushing Octavia back into her sitting position.

"Oh. Well that's then and this is now. Commander you came back just in time! Clarkey was telling us some of her adventures in the wild before that bitch Nia fucked it up." Octavia shrugged looking at Lexa.

"Is that right?" Lexa asked, looking curiously at Clarke with a grin.

"Mhmm. She was just getting to the good part too! Did the trader girl know what you were packing before she pulled you into her bed Clarke?" Raven teased, wiggling her eyebrows at Clarke, who blushed.

"Well I'm sure she figured it out rather quick! Does Lexa know the serpent you've got in your pants Clarke?" Octavia giggled. Lexa felt her face heat up as she began to understand the conversation.

"Sh-Shut up guys." Clarke mumbled, getting embarrassed.

"It's nothing to be shy about Clarke. You're better off than many of the guys on the drop ship. O and I are the only ones that know, don't worry. Your little secret is safe with us." Raven assured her.

"Little is the wrong word Rae. If there's one thing to note about Clarkey it's that she is very very far from small." Octavia argued.

"Alright O! Jesus. Clarke tell us more about the trader girl! You tapped that, right?" Raven demanded, waving Octavia's argument away. Clarke looked guiltily at Lexa and stayed quiet.

"You totally did!" Raven exclaimed, her eyes getting wide and her smirk growing.

"L-Lexa I..." Clarke began hesitantly. Lexa could hear the slur in her words from the alcohol.

"The past is gone Clarke. You were still angry with me." Lexa replied shortly. This was not a conversation she wanted to have. Especially not while Clarke was drunk. Clarke nodded and fell quiet. After about an hour, Raven and Octavia were both asleep on the floor and Clarke leaned drowsily against Lexa's shoulder.

"Lexa?" Clarke asked softly.

"Yes Clarke?" Lexa hummed.

"I meant to tell you... I was going to tell you about Nylah... This isn't how I wanted it to happen..." Clarke began, moving away to look her in the eye.

"It's alright Clarke. You were still mad at me. I betrayed you. I'm not upset about this. I have you now and that's what matters to me." Lexa promised with a gentle smile. Clarke seemed to accept that and leaned back against Lexa's shoulder again. She was silent for a few more minutes.

"I didn't understand then... After Nylah and I... After it was done and she was asleep... I ran... I left and I didn't understand why I wished it had been you. I hated myself for that. I hated that I didn't understand why I wanted it to have been you. But I know now." Clarke mumbled, yawning. Lexa smiled to herself and adjusted to let Clarke lay with her head in Lexa's lap. She drifted off to sleep as Lexa combed her fingers gently through the soft golden locks.

"Heda." A knock at the door rang softly through the house.

"Enter." Lexa replied, putting her hands over Clarke's ears so as not to wake her. Lincoln quietly entered the house and Lexa had never been so happy to see him.

"Skai girls apparently, like to drink." Lexa explained at his confused look.

"I was aware, but I didn't think this would happen." Lincoln agreed, grinning at Octavia who was sleeping sprawled out on her back.

"I know you're here for Octavia, but could you moved Raven onto that far couch before you take Octavia?" Lexa asked softly. Lincoln nodded and easily scooped the mechanic off the floor and put her on the couch as Lexa had asked. He tucked a fur around her and returned to lift Octavia off the floor. He easily put her over his shoulder in a fire men's carry.

"She told me I'd never be able to carry her like a sack of potatoes. This is my only opportunity, I don't intend upon wasting it. I'm gonna take a picture to show her when she wakes up." Lincoln told Lexa seriously as she questioned his actions. Lexa chuckled as Lincoln left with Octavia over his shoulder, snoring slightly in her sleep.

Lexa looked down at Clarke in her lap and sighed. She picked Clarke up carefully and brought her to the bed, tucking the sleeping blonde into the furs before climbing in next to her. As Lexa made herself comfortable, Clarke whimpered and sought out Lexa in her sleep, quieting once she'd rested her head over Lexa's heart and wrapping her arms around the surprised brunette's hips, preventing any thing from separating them.

" _Reshop Klark_." Lexa purred, putting one of her arms around the sky girl as she closed her eyes. She knew tomorrow would be interesting for everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there guys, here's another chapter. I went with something light this time while also taking care of the request for Lexa finding out about Clarke's fling with Nylah. I hope you all enjoyed it and I hope to hear from you lovely people. Thanks for all the comments I've gotten on the last chapter and Thank you for reading. If you guys have anymore ideas or requests, send them my way, I live to serve and it makes writing this more fun.
> 
> \- Avid


	20. Indra's Kryptonite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hangovers and happy memories. Indra just really likes honey and honey bees. The bees also just really like Indra.

Lexa was roused the next morning by Raven's pained groans as the mechanic held her head in pain. The commander sighed before pulling away from Clarke and moving over to the couch. She grabbed a bucket from near the bed on the way and put it on the floor next to the couch.

"Good morning Raven." She grinned.

"Ung... Stop shouting." Raven winced. As Lexa opened her mouth to say something else, Raven' face paled and she rolled over onto her side and held the bucket in place as she emptied her stomach. Lexa shook her head and moved the girls dark braids out of the way, starting to braid them back so they wouldn't be in the mechanics face at all.

"You're a _branweda_ , you know that?" Lexa chuckled once Raven had stopped.

"You learn something new everyday." Raven grumbled, not moving. Once she was sure her stomach had calmed, she slowly sat up.

"D-Did you braid my hair back into some cool ass grounder pattern?" Raven asked, feeling her hair in surprise.

"Maybe. It'll stay out of your face now in case you get sick again." Lexa shrugged, getting shy.

"That's cool bro." Raven grinned, gently punching Lexa's arm.

"Bro?" Lexa asked confused.

"It's the sky people word for brother, but it can also mean like a friend who's like a sibling. Like the step before significant other." Raven explained. Lexa nodded.

"Ok... Bro." She finally agreed, punching Raven back.

"See? You've got it. I can't wait to tell Octavia!" Raven laughed.

"So then Octavia is like my bro too right?" Lexa asked, still not entirely sure of the word.

"You could use it like that, but Octavia's more of a grounder at this point so I'm not sure." Raven shrugged. Lexa nodded again.

"This can just be an us thing." Raven suggested, deciding to try and keep it simple.

"That's a good idea. Bro's seems complicated..." Lexa agreed. Raven grinned again.

"You bounce back quickly from everything don't you?" Lexa asked, noting how well Raven was doing now compared to ten minutes prior.

"A hang overs nothing to me. I can get rid of a head ache and as soon as I'm done getting it out I'm good again. Clarkey and O on the other hand are not so good at that. If there's one thing I've learned it's that those two are horrible hung over." Raven shrugged, warning Lexa.

"Octavia is not my problem today. Indra will teach her that lesson. I've never had to deal with Clarke and alcohol in the same sentence before though..." Lexa began. Raven chuckled. Lexa was in for it today.

"If I threw up, Clarke's totally going to. But she'll probably sleep for a bit longer, I'd say at most an hour or two. When she does, she's not going to want to move around and bright light, like the sun is going to make her head ache worse and agitate her more. Other than like making sure she's hydrated and fed just take care of her. She's a terror hung over but at least she's easy to take care of." Raven sighed, looking over at where Clarke still slept. The mechanic pushed herself to her feet, swaying slightly before steadying herself again.

"Where are you going?" Lexa asked confused.

"I'm leaving Clarke to you. I'm going back to the drop ship to help Bell and the others. When Clarke's good again, bring her by. Everyone's worried about her." Raven called over her shoulder as she left, bringing the bucket with her. Lexa sighed and moved back to the bed. She set another bucket up near Clarke.

"Jynx!" Lexa called softly. The guard hurried inside the house.

"I need to check on some things around the village. Raven guessed that I should have about an hour before Clarke wakes up, but just in case will you sit with her until I return? I don't want her to wake up alone." Lexa asked. Jynx nodded and pulled a chair up by the bed. Content that Clarke was taken care of for now, Lexa prepaired herself and left the house. Lexa walked around the village, stopping to speak briefly to Indra before continuing on, occasionally getting stopped by people who sought to speak with her about one thing or another.

In each case Lexa listened closely and offered her words of advice or a promise to help fix whatever issue it may be. After taking one more lap to make sure she'd taken care of everyone who needed her, Lexa returned to the house and relieved Jynx, asking her to check in on Octavia and send Briat to get them something to eat and drink. She knew Clarke would appreciate it once she was done being sick. Once that was dealt with she picked up her sword and set about sharpening it while she waited. Clarke started to wake up by the time Lexa was content with the sharpness of the blade.

"Clarke..." Lexa called softly once the blonde was more awake. Clarke didn't answer, almost instantly rolling onto her side as Raven had and retching into the bucket. Lexa hurried to sit next to her and braid her hair back, murmuring soft words of comfort. When the braids were done, Lexa settled for rubbing Clarke's back until Clarke was quiet.

"Are you ok?" Lexa asked gently. Clarke shook her head and shook as she began retching again, her stomach apparently not as easily settled as Raven's. Lexa waited patiently until she quieted once more.

"Wh-Why did I think drinking anything with alcohol was a good idea?" Clarke rasped.

"Raven and Octavia." Lexa replied with a small smile. Clarke groaned and closed her eyes.

"I-I think it's settled enough to move..." Clarke mumbled after a few minutes, slowly starting to roll back onto her back. She sighed happily once she was on her back again and looked groggily over to Lexa.

"Where are the two trouble makers?" Clarke asked softly.

"Raven started off like you but then said she was fine and went back to the drop ship camp. We're 'bro's' apparently. She said it's an us thing. Lincoln picked up Octavia last night like a bag of vegetables and took her back to their home, Indra is going to teach her the lesson Anya taught me about alcohol as a seken." Lexa answered.

"Raven's a lucky shit who bounces back horribly quick from hang overs. She just pukes and she's fine. We don't know how she does it. O's gonna be pissed she lost that bet with Lincoln." Clarke smirked.

"You knew of it too?" Lexa wondered confused. Clarke nodded.

"Heda, breakfast." Briat called from the door way.

"Enter. Put it on the table." Lexa told him. Briat did as he was told.

"Are you alright Clarke?" He asked concerned. He'd waited outside when he'd heard her being sick.

"Not really, but I'm getting better by the minute." Clarke told him softly. Briat gave her a small smirk and nodded, leaving the building again. Lexa was glad to see he and Jynx had had the foresight to put mostly soft foods that were easy on one's stomach on the plates.

"Do you think you want to try eating something?" Lexa asked gently, watching Clarke.

"Maybe just a little bit to see." Clarke nodded, eyeing to plates. Lexa rose and moved to the table, deciding on some slices of bread toasted by the fire and got an idea when she saw some of the berries on the plates. Clarke watched as Lexa suddenly moved away from the table and began looking around the room for something.

After rummaging through some drawers and a trunk, Lexa pulled out a mortar and pestle and came back to the table. She put some of the berries and a small amount of sugar and honey in the bowl and easily ground the ingredients together into s sweet paste, making a mental note to thank Jynx. This was too specific for it to be anyone other than Anya's sister. When she was happy with the consistency, Lexa used a knife to scoop some up and spread it on a few of the slices of toast before bringing it back to Clarke and sitting on the bed with her.

"What did you make?" Clarke asked curiously.

"Something Anya taught me to make a long long time ago. Jynx must've been behind the plating." Lexa smiled at the memory, handing a corner of one of the bread and jam slices to Clarke. Clarke nibbled on it hesitantly, not wanting to upset her stomach further. When she was sure it was safe she quickly ate the rest of the piece and waited for Lexa to hand her another.

"It's good _sha_?" Lexa asked. Clarke nodded and attacked another piece with fervor.

"Anya and Jynx's Nontu was taken by the mountain and never seen again, but their Nomon stepped back from the warrior life and became a healer. She worked with plants and berries and even Bee's. She taught Anya and Jynx her recipes for jams and syrup so that her legacy wouldn't die. Jynx has been living here and tending to her nomons plant's and honey bee's." Lexa explained softly.

"Who'll take care of it when she's gone? She won't be able to stay if she's my guard right?" Clarke asked.

"Nyko tends to the special herbs she grows when she's elsewhere, and Lincoln takes his turn looking after them as well as does Indra. She likes the Bee's. Honey is Indra's weakness. Many of the sekens are tasked with taking care of the gardens too. It's a good learning place for young healers and a peaceful place for the young warriors as well. It will be well taken care of if anything were ever to happen to Jynx." Lexa promised. Clarke nodded, seemingly satisfied with that answer. Lexa was surprised and touched at Clarke's concern for her guard.

"Can we go there before we leave TonDc?" Clarke begged once they were through eating.

" _Sha_. We can go today if you are feeling well enough for it. Raven said that sunlight would make you more agitated today though." Lexa hesitated. Though they didn't leave the house that day, the following one Lexa and Clarke went to the gardens with their guards. Jynx was more than happy to show them around, answering the many questions Clarke had. Occasionally any one of their guards would stop and tell a fond story about things Lexa had been found doing in the gardens before she became Heda. Clarke decided that Lexa's pout face was adorable causing everyone to laugh harder. Lexa in retaliation would do the same, reminding their guards of every embarrassing moment of theirs that she could think of.

Clarke's favorite part of the day was their accidental happening upon Indra as she sat between the two large bee hives, reading to them and paying no mind to any bee's that landed on her.

"Indra just really likes honey which in extension means, she also really likes the bees. She says it makes the honey sweeter if the bees are happy and that they like it when you read to them. The bees also just really like Indra. She's never been stung once." Jynx explained quietly, not wanting to disturb the woman.

"It's true. She calls them the ' _Stengonakru_.'" ' _Buzzing Warriors'_. Lexa agreed softly.

"We all just leave her alone when she's with her bee's. Gustus once told me she set the bees on him the one time he made the mistake of interrupting her while she was tending to the hives." Briat added.

"That's not a myth I've seen it! She set them on Anya once when Anya was still her _seken_!" Britt piped up. Trei nodded seriously.

"You'll see it again if you jokas don't be quiet." Indra growled, not looking up from her book. The party hurried away and missed the chuckle Indra gave at their retreating shadows.

"Branweda's." She shook her head and resumed reading.

  
"Do you think she could teach someone at the drop ship camp how to maintain a hive if we were able to get on there?" Clarke asked at diner.

"You could ask. She's very picky about who deal's with her bees, but it could be possible." Jynx mused. Lexa nodded her agreement and approval.

"If the soil is agreeable we could also take some cuts from some of the plants of the garden and for another smaller one there as well. I'm sure Lincoln could be persuaded to help with that and teach some how to take care of the garden, if he and Octavia don't end up there entirely." Briat suggested, looking at Jynx and Lexa for permission. Both women nodded. His idea was both good and doable.

"You'll have to talk to Raven and Bellamy about that as well, but I'm sure they'd be all for it." Clarke reminded with a grin. That night Lexa sent spoke to Lincoln and Indra before sending a rider to the drop ship camp with the idea's.

Bellamy and Raven sent back that they'd talk to the others and figure out who would be willing to learn and do what. They arrived in TonDc two days later with handful of the others in tow. Part of the group disappeared with Indra to the hives, while a few more followed Lincoln and Nyko into the gardens. The remaining stragglers wandered off to take care of whatever else they'd come to do. Bellamy headed back to the drop ship with the stragglers at the end of the day leaving Raven with the one's there to learn.

It took almost a week but Indra decided that Miller was the best man for the job with the bee's. She taught him as much as she could to start which he picked up easily, reacting well with TonDc's bee's. Lexa could tell she was happy with him. Monty also did well enough with the bees that Indra agreed to allow him to look after them when the need arose. Harper, Monroe, Fox, and Jasper learned as much as they could from Lincoln and Nyko and were tasked as the guardians of the drops ships garden by Jynx. Lincoln, Indra, Nyko, and Jynx rode back with Raven and the others to the drop ship to help set things up.

'This is the beginning of our peace.' Lexa thought to herself as she walked around TonDc, dealing with any problems in Indra's absence. For now things were going well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there guys! This one was a bit longer but it was fun to write. I like to think that even a big bad badass grounder general like Indra has soft moments that remind you that she's human. I also really like the idea that people think she can set the bees on them. Thank you to all of my great commenters, and I hope to hear from you all again. Opinions on bee keeper Indra? This one pulled away from the plot but we'll be back again next chapter. I thought we could all use a break. Thanks for reading, I hope you guys liked this one.
> 
> \- Avid


	21. Almost Antidote

When Indra and the others finally returned from the drop ship, Clarke, Lexa and their guards, minus Jynx, all mounted up to finally head there themselves. It wasn't a long ride and Jynx waited eagerly for them, along with Bellamy and Raven. Two of the boys took their horses once they all dismounted and Lexa led the way to Bellamy, Raven, and Jynx.

"Welcome Commander! And Clarkey." Raven grinned, hugging them both.

"Hey there Rae. You guys have gotten so much done!" Clarke marveled, looking around.

"Lincoln and some of the people Indra and the commander sent helped us clear out room behind the drop ship and we've extended the walls. We're almost half the size of Arkadia now." Bellamy informed her, nodding his thanks to Lexa.

"Nyko also left a few of his apprentices with us for a bit to teach us healing stuff since we don't really have a doc." Raven added.

"Will you guys be staying for diner? We just had a hunting party leave before you got here. Some of Indra's hunters are leading them until we get better, but we're adapting quickly." Bellamy wondered. Clarke and Lexa looked at each other briefly before nodding.

"Could you show me more of what's been done? I'm sure Clarke can either tag along or go and say hello to the others while we're at it." Lexa asked. Bellamy and Raven nodded, their faces lighting up as they started giving Lexa the tour. Clarke went with them for part of it, quickly realizing that the drop ship was now the center of the camp.

"Have you thought about building up into the tree's?" She heard Lexa ask as she wandered away from the trio. Clarke found her way over to where Monty and Jasper were working on modifying their still for one reason or another.

"Hey Clarke. I heard you we're coming by today." Monty greeted with a smile. Jasper was quiet, pointedly looking anywhere but at Clarke. It stung, but she understood him.

"Jasper... I know you need time, and I won't bug you about it, I understand. I'm not sure if it means anything to you, but I am sorry. I don't know if you'll eventually forgive me, but I am sorry." Clarke told him softly. Monty watched anxiously, biting his lip. Jasper was still for a minute before quickly glancing at Clarke and giving an almost invisible nod.

"That was good Jas." Monty smiled, putting a hand on the other boys shoulder.

"I'll leave you be. If ever you're ready to talk to me Jasper, send me a message or something and I'll make time." Clarke nodded and moved away.

'This is a step forward.' Clarke told herself as she went to look for Lexa again.

  
"Heda!" Jynx called out, hurrying toward Lexa and the others. Lexa instantly whipped around at the woman's worried tone.

"It's Clarke. She collapsed. Briat brought her into the ship to Nyko's apprentices." Jynx panted.

"Jok." Lexa cursed and took off toward the drop ship with Jynx and Bellamy on her heels. Raven limped along behind them.

"Trei! Get the horses ready, we ride for Polis!" Lexa ordered over her shoulder as she bullied her way into the drop ship.

"Heda. Skai Heda was poisoned. Aluk had an antidote and we gave it to her." One of the healers told her.

"Aluk?" Lexa asked confused.

"Sha Heda. I was Azgeda before the mountain. Nyko took me under his wing after Indra allowed me to take the trials and become Trikru." The man explained. He still bore the scars of the ice nation on his face by his eyes were kind and a thick beard appeared to hide the worst of them.

"How did you know which toxin? How did you have an antidote?" Lexa demanded.

"Before the mountain, I was healer to Azplana, the queen and Ontari, her seken. Ontari had a pull for poisons and we worked together on the antidotes. The one she infected skai Heda with was one of her special ones. It is like nothing I've seen before but out of habit I still had a vial of the antidote on me." He replied.

"Special how?" Lexa pushed.

"Ontari was a nightbleda. You nightbleda give off certain chemicals in your skin that mess up poisons. Ontari used that to her advantage with her favorite toxins. Skai Heda would surely be dead if you weren't a nightbleda. Your chemicals kept the poison at bay until now." He admitted hesitantly. The information floored Lexa. She'd had her suspicions but this was unreal.

"Aluk, I have an assignment for you." Lexa decided, collecting herself.

"Sha Heda?" He looked at her confused.

"I need you to take some of Indra's Warriors and some of the other healers and ride for the Ice nation. I'll send a rider to King Roan to expect you. You are to find and destroy any more of Ontari's poisons that you find in the castle." Lexa ordered. Aluk nodded slowly.

"You may return here when you are finished." Lexa added and the man relaxed, smiling before hurrying away. She was calmer now and sat by Clarke's side.

"Aluk said the antidote will stop it from killing her but it won't go away completely, It's been in her too long. There is no real cure at this point, Heda." Briat warned, leaving them alone.

"The horses are ready." Trei told her sometime later.

"We ride tomorrow. I... I panicked..." Lexa admitted to him softly. He grinned at her and nodded, moving away.

"How's our girl?" Raven asked, plopping herself down in a chair on Clarke's other side.

"Resting. The poison won't kill her anymore. One of the healers had an antidote." Lexa began.

"I feel like there's an extremely big 'but' waiting at the end there." Raven noted.

"It won't kill her but it won't completely go away either. It's been in her blood too long. I'm not sure what that means yet." Lexa sighed. Raven nodded but stayed quiet. Bellamy brought them both dinner as night began to fall.

"We're leaving for Polis tomorrow." Lexa mumbled while they ate.

"I guessed as much. You guys will come back here when you can though right?" Raven asked.

"Of course Bro." Lexa smiled. Raven laughed and flashed her a toothy grin. Raven left to put the plates away but returned once she was done to find Lexa asleep in her chair. Jynx stood nearby, having tucked a fur around the resting commander.

"Keep them safe yeah?" Raven asked softly. Jynx nodded slowly in response as Raven limped away.

  
"L-Lexa?" Clarke yawned. She felt dizzy and everything seemed to be moving at a slower pace around her.

"I'm here." Lexa hummed sleepily in response.

"What happened?" Clarke wondered.

"Poison. Fixed it." Lexa mumbled, closing her eyes again. Clarke smiled at the sleepy commander.

"Lexa." Clarke cooed. The commander grumbled but kept her eyes closed.

"Somethings never change." Jynx smirked softly.

"She's always like this?" Clarke asked.

"Sha. When she's tired enough." Jynx nodded. It took a while for Clarke to finally coax Lexa back to consciousness but once she was, they rode for Polis, only stopping as night began to fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this is a bit late and kinda flat but writers block is a bitch, the next one will be better I promise. Thank you for all the comments and thank you lovely people for reading. I hope to hear more from you guys.
> 
> \- Avid

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. I got inspired and started writing this but im going to warn you that this is going to be very dark on and off, if anything I write ends up triggering you for whatever reason, Please Please let me know and I will find a way to give you a less graphic summery of the chapter or section so you can keep reading, if you feel so inclined. I'll still be working on my other fics so don't worry. If you haven't read them yet and just stumbled upon this then please feel free to try them! I hope to hear back from all of you lovely people as I have before, I hope you'll enjoy this work too!  
> \- Avid


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